Sure! I understand! I was just like him!
Here's what my sponsor did with me, when I told him I had no resentments... that I was just grateful to be alive and sober!
He looked at me and said... "Well Dallas. Since that's the case... I want you to start by making a list of every single person you've ever known in your life regardless if you think you're still angry with them or not."
I replied with something that might have been like (I don't remember my exact wording)... "Oh what an order!!! No one else that I've ever heard talking about their 4th Step didn't have to do this! You want me to list everyone I've ever known... even though I don't resent anyone?"
He said, "Yes. And, you can put me at the top of your list because you'll be mad at me, I guarantee you, when this is over!"
I thought "Man! I'm screwed!!! There are a lot of people that I've ripped off that I didn't even know their names... and yeah, now I remember that a few of them... I'd still shoot them if I knew where to find them!"
Sponsor Magic! I only THOUGHT that!!! I didn't say it!!!
My sponsor looks at me and follows through with "I've got an idea there are so many people you're ticked off at -- that you've numbed yourself out just so you don't think about it ALL the time!"
Then, I "thought" (silently) "What's with this crap? How is this guy reading my mind!!! How does he know about me???"
Answer: "Sponsor Magic!"
I asked myself for a few years: "How do these guys that are really good sponsors do this stuff? Where do they come up with it? Do they go to some sort of secret Sponsor Initiation School or something?"
I FOUND OUT where they were getting it!!! But, part of the initiation? I can't tell you right now... you've got to figure that out and then come back and ask me... and I'll let you know if you're right or not!"
I said to my sponsor... "Look. I really don't remember them."
He said, "Well. Then, start with the phone book... and make a list of everyone in the phone book... I'll bet that under that numbness... you're mad at the world and everything and everyone in it! Plus, in some way you've probably harmed everyone in the phone book!"
Then he sent me off to make my list. A few days later... he asked me "God your list finished?" I said "No. But, I got a few names down and I thought a lot about what you said. You were right! I've been angry at the world since I was a teenager. And, you're probably right, too, when I think of how my actions... of harming people and things... had an effect on thousands of people that I had never even met!"
He finally let me off the hook when my list was running several dozens of pages!!! He said if he didn't short-circuit me... I'd spend the rest of my life making the list and never get the 4th done!"
Good luck with him! I hope the others here will share their experiences, too. That way we'll have more info to take back to "Sponsor School!"
Dallas
