- Internet Drama

Internet Drama

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Internet Drama

Postby Rain » Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:53 pm

Here's the thing:

Person asking for help on a public forum to get sober. Drama. Desperate, Dying, etc.
Alcoholic? Yes
Want to get sober? Yes
Willing to do? Anything
Want me to call? Yes

Person asking for help sets date and time to call.

I call, at the time of choosing and.........

Uhm, can you call back.... (Planning daughters Senior Photos) Not taking them, mind you but talking about them.
:roll: :lol: Ohhh Kaay.

So, my question is this:

What shows up on the forum is someone asking for help, and.....Nothing.

I'd like to leave the door open for this person, but indicate to any readers that it's not a case of "AA didn't work for me", but that the poster is someone wasn't ready and wouldn't or couldn't give themselves to this simple program. Couldn't even bring themselves to DISCUSS the program.

Because that is a very different message than no help given or offered, or a failure of AA to help.

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Postby Dallas » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:16 pm

Could you maybe... post a message that says something like:

"I called you at the time that you suggested -- and offered to help you. Since you were too busy planning and thinking about photos -- I understand, you didn't have time to talk with me. If you get the time, out of your busy schedule, and want help again, and can fit me in -- you have my number. Hopefully, I'll still be available to help. Best regards."

Then, move on to the next one.

I understand. The experience is just as common on the Internet, and in forums, as it is in person. The person gets the gift of desperation. And, they toss it.

For myself -- my experience proved to me, that getting sober was not so much a choice I would make in "my time". I failed to recognize that Life presents us with "windows of opporuntiy" to change. And, when the window closes -- there are sometimes no more windows and no more doors that will be opened.

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Postby Rain » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:29 pm

Actually Dallas, what I would love to post with your permission is what you wrote.

Was I a little miffed? For a second. But I'll get over it and stay sober.

Will she ever be that desperate again? I don't know

I like being reminded that the desperation is a gift, and want to let the next one that is desperate know that
a) Desperation may not last and
b) AA is available when you reach out for it.

Of course there is always

c) AA is for those who want it; not unfourtunately for those who need it.
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Postby november6 » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:42 pm

that's pretty awesome you called.. yeah, sometimes it's hard for me to work with AA's who are not at the willing to go to any lengths place. because when I came in i WAS. Hell, I followed directions on getting a job at the local AA hangout, STARBUCKS, in my first year though I thought it was the worst idea and VERY beneath my standards, ha! But I also need to remember that this time around was my 9th year at "trying" to get sober in AA. When I find a new member that is as willing, ready and beaten doen as I was (finally), it is the pleasure of all pleasures in my AA exp. And though having someone in AA ask for my aide that is in that place isn't a complete rarity, it is not as often as the times I am approached by someone desperate enough to ask for help but who is so self-involved, self-pitying, anything but humble or aware of my precious time and who is still sure that their best ideas about alcoholism could beat out not only, mine but oldtimer they hear and the damn BIGBOOk itself! That's a challenge! I guess I was taught to never say no to AA, and when it came to newcomers that stands, and that also, part of directing someone to their own Step 1 ussually comes with the exp that no AA is going to swoop in and help wipe there own ass if they are to lazy to bring the toilet paper! I do eventually move on if someone isn't showing up with the toilet paper. But I also keep in mind that many (do to money, free-rides, lots of "luck" and enablers in their life often) don't know when they walk in the rooms or ask for help that they were supposed to bring it inthe first place! So if they don't I let'm know. I posted a few days ago about how the first week I had a personal mtng w my sponsor and i showed up 5 mins late and she was gone! When I called her she didnt say she was done with me, but she said her time was important, there were other alcoholics and if I cant use my cell to say I am 5 mins late she doesnt know me well enough to know I'll be there at all and she will leave. And then she said I could reschedule. There were 2 reasons I rescheduled.
one: I WAS DONE! I was desperate and I was out of solutions.
but # two was important also: I'd had a few days already to see and hear her talk that gave me the idea that I wanted what this woman had.

Sorry to go on so lengthy! I'm having a bit of a rough day, and typing on here is seeming to cause a lot less chaos than trying to figure out my own probs today :D

And lastly, I feel you on the call, it frusterated me for you! I do know that exp well! from both side - me as you and me as a AA you called.. :)
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Postby Dallas » Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:56 pm

Hello November! A ray of hope? My current sponsor was in and out of AA for ten years -- before he finally got it, on Halloween, 1958. :wink: This year, will be his 52nd year of active sobriety!
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