by sunnytime » Mon May 16, 2011 10:23 am
I have had the same sponsor for a year and a half. We are roommates, friends, and sponsor/sponsee. Recently I have had to make amends to her several times for my behavior. Also, I have found that I have become very dependent on her, rather than on my HP. I was letting my life get intertwined with hers. My peace, and joy and happiness, came if she was happy. (Retarded) I wasnt being my own person. Anyway, she sent me several textes the other day and it ticked me off.
I asked if we could meet where we met last time if we could continue to do our 12/12 study (finished BB already)> She replied we will meet exactly when and where we have already agreed upon and discuss only what we already said we would. Nothing more. Have your assignments done if you want to meet. Also, until further notice you are only allowed to read the BB, no texting unless it is an emergency and then only 911. and third you are only allowed to visit my mom if you have spent more time with yours that week. ( I was watching IDOL and Dancing with the stars) You can call me between 12 to 2 if you need any clarification.
My dumb behind responded text said k.
I got what part of no texting do you need help understanding. Our actions have consequneces and your consequenmce is you may not call me today until I dont have my daughter. If you have a problem you may call your grandsponsor.
Needless to say, I havent spoken with her as a spnsor since. We are meeting up tomorrow and I am not sure if I am changing sponsors or not.
I am in constant fear of her. Scared she is going to flip out. I havent been the best sponsee either, but I try and do everything she tells me to do, some of the stuff is just extreme it seems. If I think about taking a drink or majorly upset, I never call her. I call her sponsor. I am scared to open up to her. Yes I have done my 4th and 5th with her and didnt have a problem then.
She stated where I am at in my sobreity I should not need my sponsor all the time. Basically if I have a problem or need to talk to her I have to make a note of it and wait till our meeting time.
I am scared to change sponsors because the problem is probably me, and then it is just going to follow me to the next sponsor. I dont want to change when im irritated.
I am a firm believer in a hard, mean sponsor. If my sponsor doesnt make me mad, then one of us is not being honest.
I dont know what to do. I have prayed about it and still stumped.
I have looked at why the textes upset me and it is because I feel like she is controlling me and taking away stuff I enjoy doing. Because if I do the things she said not to, then I am not willing. HLEP ME
