Mysterious recurring problem with sponsees - Whats my part?

[Myinitialsareaasigh]

The alcholic is an extreme example of self will run riotthough he usually doest think so.

First of all we had to quit playing. GOD
It didnt work.
next we decided that hereafter in this drama of sponsering. God was going to be
our director. When we sincerely took such a position all sorts of remarkable things followed.
We had a new employer being all powerful he provided what we needed IF we kept close
to him and performed HIS work(will) well. Established on such a footing we became less and
less interested in ourselves in
our own little plans and designs.

Being convinced that self manifested in various ways

was what had defeated us

we considered
its common manifestations.

Resentment is the number one offender.

You posted "just for fun" you did a 4th step on it.
I dont do the steps "just for fun". I do them becayse they
work to get rid of my resentments and keep me from
getting blocked off from god which is fatal no matter
your sobriety time. Has your self will to get rid of your
resentments failed utterly?

Also i noticed some wierd questions you were asking yourself
As part of your "4th" step.
Does a 4thsolution step rid us of whats written down?

[Myinitialsareaasigh]

Heres what i would tell a sponsee with a resentment problem.

In dealing with resententments. We set them on paper.
1) we list people with whom we were angry.

2)we asked ourselves why we were angry.

3)what part of self was affected? Self esteem pocketbooks ambitions personal relationships(including se

Nothing counted but THOUROUGHNESS and honesty.
the first thing apparant was the world and its sponsees were often quite wrong. To conclude that
The sponsees were often quite wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was sponsees
Continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and we stayed sore at ourselves.
But the more we fought and tried to have our own way the worse matters got.

We turned back to the list for it held the key. We began to see the sponsees really dominated us. We
Saw that this resentment must be mastered but how?
This was our course.
we realized that the sponsees who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.
though we did not like their symtoms and the way they dusturbed us they like
OURSELVES were sick too.
prayer
we asked god to help us show the same pity tolerance and patience we would grant a sick friend. This
is a sick man how can i be helpful to him. God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done we truthfullt looked
for our own mistakes.
4)get where hadwe been selfish dishonest selfseeking
and frightened.

5)where were we to blame?

We admitted our wrongs.AND were willing to set these
matters straight.

Then ask yourself are there any fears with this resentment. Why
do you have them.

Re

Referring to our list again

[Myinitialsareaasigh]

A 4th step isnt the last part ee continue.
We trust infinate God rather than our finite selves.
We are in the world to play the role he assigns. Just
to the extent that we do as WE THINK HE WOULD HAVE US
and HUMBLY RELY ON HIM does he enable us to match
calamity with serenity.
we hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever
self will has blocked you off from him.
Having made a personal inventory what shall we do about it?

We think we have done well enough in admitting these
thingd to ourselves in. There is doubt about that.
We usually find a voluntary self appraisal insufficient.

Step 5on we admit to god to ourselves and another human
being the exact nature of the wrong we identified in step 4.

Step 6. Are we now ready to LET GOD REMOVE the defect?

step7 when ready through prayer for willingness if needed
we pray and ask god.
"My creator i am now willing that you should have all of me
Good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me (defect in 4)
Which stands in the way of ny usefulness to you and my sponsees
. Grant me strength as i go out from here ti do your bidding.
Amen"

If you still have a resentment read fredom from bondage story
in big book and do what it says at the end.

Step 89. Wehave a list of the oersons we harmed and are willing
To make amends. Now we go to our sponsees and repair
the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the
debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live life(sponsor)
On self will. And run the show ourselves. If we havent the will
To do this we ask til it comes.

At the moment we are trying to put ourselves in order but
this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves
to be of maximum service to god and the sponsees around
us. The question of how to approach the man we hated may
arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done
Him and though we may have aquired a better attitude toward
Him we are still not too keen about admitting our faults.
nevertheless with the person we dislike we take the bit in our
teeth. It is harderto go to an eneny than to
a friend but we find it much more beneficial to us.
h

At the moment we are trying to

[Myinitialsareaasigh]

Try that out just as outlined and see what happens. Sometimes we need to try selfwill out
just like we tryed alcohol out. When we see it doesnt work and we experience pain from it.
Maybe only then do we try something besides self will and give god his chance.

Does god need you to come up with a set plan for how to sponser? Do you pray at every decision
or just do what you know is right from experience?
One of the coolest thing s in sobriety is when you see god do what you could not do for yourself after trying so hard.

You got these things that you say are for sure to keep someone sober. Like you want them to go to a meeting everday.
Did you come up with this idea or god?
I might wonder whats better going to one meeting a week where your message(aa message)) is being taught and
Your sponsee being around a small fellowship. Or you insisting they go everyday to meetings that seem to
connect them with a fellowship that doesnt carry the right message.
did god tell u to quit sponsering like you interpetted through your 6 sponsees firing you or was he
Trying to get you to start using his will because yours wasnt working?

When the first people to do aa did the steps they had a book and god. Thats what was "needed".
Sponsering and meetings have also been very beneficial to me.
While all help sobriety i wonder what weight you think each has on its success.

Maybe you could find a couple like minded people and start a group in your area that pushes the solution.
start a fellowship for newcomers to follow that isnt the bs way all around you. Ask for gods help if its his will.



I hope all goes well for you

[Dallas]

Welcome to the forum. And, thanks for your posts. I got a lot of good stuff out of reading each one of them.

Dallas

[Aquadrink1]

Hi,
I haven't finished checking out this entire thread, but did read a lot of it, and liked what I was reading. Since you guys seem to have some good recovery, and are talking about sponsorship, I wanted to ask for a suggestion if anyone happens to still check this thread: I've been looking for some good meetings where people are recovered/recovering where I am and I noticed that a couple of you mention having gone to meetings in Los Angeles in the past. I am living in LA, but have moved to the east side of town a while back from the west side and really screwed myself by stopping working the steps, meetings, everything. I haven't relapsed but I got really close recently. And I'm out of my mind. Internally I'm a mess, and I can't even guarantee to myself that I'm going to say sober if I don't find some help.

I really want to get connected with a sponsor/step guide and meetings on the east side (downtown, Glendale, Echo Park, etc) but so far, I just haven't found anyone working the steps, and I was able to to that on the other side of town. Of course I could go back there for meetings, but for all of the driving I was doing, really wanted to be able to connect where I am now. If you have any suggestions for meetings where people are working the steps out of the book on this side of town, please let me know? I've been showing up to random meetings over here - the other night at a woman's meeting I shared that I really needed help and asked for step guide referrals, anything - and truly, heard nothing back out of a roomful of 'sober' women. Actually, that's not true - I got invited to go to coffee after the meeting from one of the ladies. And I did meet a newcomer, so we're now looking for recovery together. I've checked out some online sites, just to see if I can save myself some time in the whole trial and error thing, but so far haven't seen any type of AA meeting suggestion forums. I'll keep looking, but I almost feel like I'm a newcomer again, and I've heard enough in the past to understand that I'm not what we call spiritually well. Thanks in advance -

[Dallas]

Welcome to the forum!

I suggest to keep coming back here to the forum, and I'll do some checking around to see who I can locate in your area. I'm from L.A., and I get back there at least once each year, and I keep in touch w/ a lot of people there. I'm living out of state now or I'd offer to come by and pick you up and take you to some meetings. Maybe, on my next trip out. But, until then -- let me do some checking, and be sure to keep coming back.

I can't think of any of us here in the forum that are not actively using the Steps. Working w/ others keeps us sober, and the Steps keep us sane (and reasonably happy, joyous and free -- most of the time).

BTW: I assume you're a lady, based on showing up at a women's meeting... so I'll see if I can find a lady connection for you. I could be wrong -- I may have landed in a women's meeting by accident when I was newly sober. LOL.

Best wishes for you!

Dallas

btw: If you're on Facebook, I do have a lot of friends from the LA area on there, too, that I keep in touch w/. If interested let me know and I'll Private Message you my FB contact info.

[TrailerTrashDood]

I, too am assuming that you are a woman. I can hook you up with several women who are active in the Steps and would be happy to help you ~ also some meetings you might like. Just PM me.

[Aquadrink1]

Thank you Dallas and TTD. Will PM you guys...

[Aquadrink1]

oops. correction, not able to PM you because I haven't posted enough on the board - so that option is locked.