- Sponsers that discuss sponcee's 4th with other sponcee's.

Sponsers that discuss sponcee's 4th with other sponcee's.




Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,

Sponsers that discuss sponcee's 4th with other sponcee's.

Postby PK12 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 12:26 am

Twice in the last 7 years I needed to get a new sponsor. The first one I asked was a guy that had 22 years clean and I knew very well through the 6:45am meeting We attended daily. I felt real comfortable with him and knew he was someone That could put me in check when I start with the "I'm fine" crap like I do sometimes.
Everything was going good... Until one morning at the coffee bar after our meeting wile I was washing coffee cups, my new sponser started telling me about another sponcee's marital problems that I know we're not discussed at group level because the guy is a friend of mine. It was as if he was taking sides with my friends wife, and started talking about something in his 4th step to make a point, and I really got uncomfortable with it and told him I really need to get rolling to work, and ended the conversation but left feeling like I didn't want to discuss anything with him other than things I discuss at group level. Eventually I stopped contacting him and found another Sponsor.
This new sponsor... who I really like. At the time was the secretary of our fellowship, had just completed his second H&I commitment, attended meetings regularly, secretaried a meeting, had a sponsor, sponsored others, was a longtime member of the men's group I attended, and most importantly was a humble guy who's actions spoke louder than words....except this one time. We were doing some step work together and he happened to make a remark about another sponcee's weird sexual fantasies that he liked acting out with his girlfriend.
Once again I felt like maybe I might have picked the wrong guy based on that alone.
Am I wrong for feeling like this, will someone please help me out here.
Thank you
PK12
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 5:53 am
Location: Northern Cali

Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 19, 2011 5:49 am

I don't think you're wrong to feel that way. Perhaps my expectations of a sponsor are too high. I would have said something to him about it and let him know that this is why I would feel uncomfortable telling him anything about me -- good or bad.

Some people have no business sponsoring. Yes, we all make mistakes and none of us are perfect -- which is why we have Step 10. However, the reason we have all 12 Steps -- is so that a spiritual awakening (personality transformation) can take place. If they haven't had that spiritual awakening -- as THE result of THESE steps -- they're trying to pass on something -- that they haven't got.

Each of us is a Member of the Fellowship. Sponsor or no sponsor, sponsoring or not sponsoring, being engaged and active in other types of service -- or not -- the highest level that any of us can achieve is: "Member."

I get better as a result of my mistakes -- IF -- the mistake reaches my awareness AND I take corrective actions to change. Most often, my mistakes are revealed to me through my practice of the 10th Step. But, not all of them are. I need others in the Fellowship to be my mirror. To assist me in seeing things about myself that they can see -- that I can't see -- until, I can see it.

Not everyone feels this way -- but I feel, that when someone tells me what they see in me -- regardless if it's factual or not, or reality or not, -- I can get better, when they share their feedback with me. I want and encourage others in the fellowship to call me on my crap that needs to be flushed. So, they are being "helpful" to me when they notice my wrongs and bring it to my attention. :wink:
Dallas
Site Admin
 
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 19, 2011 5:51 am

btw: I'm not in the camp of those that believe, that a bad meeting is better than no meeting, or that a bad sponsor is better than no sponsor. If we've never been to a bad meeting -- it just means that we haven't been to enough meetings to know the difference. And, the same with sponsors.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby PK12 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 7:29 am

That was a fast response. I feel special this morning...
Dallas, You must up before the sun having your P&M quiet time & coffee. I see you responded at about 3am in Cali time, so I'm guessing 5:00 where you are?
Thanks again for your outstanding service and your incredible life saving wisdom you share with us all!
I'm new to the site and don't know where everything is yet...but is there a 7th tradition hat somewhere on the site to help with expenses? Maybe a PM to advise? Thanks
PK12
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 5:53 am
Location: Northern Cali


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