- Bringing a new sponsee through the Steps

Bringing a new sponsee through the Steps




Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,

Bringing a new sponsee through the Steps

Postby anniemac » Wed Jun 28, 2006 3:40 pm


Hi everyone,

I have a sponsee who asked me to sponsor her about 2 weeks ago. She's sober for 6 months. We've been doing the "call me every day" thing, and tomorrow night we are meeting to get started on the Steps.

I've been told to sponsor as I was sponsored. I basically understand that, but I was so different in the beginning than this woman (I know, I know, we're all the same, no one is unique, but hear me out) and my other sponsees were more like me than like this woman.

What I mean by that is, I kicked and screamed -- I wasn't sure I belonged, I didn't want to admit powerlessness, did not believe in God, etc., so there was truly work to be done in Steps 1, 2 and 3. Same with others that I've sponsored.

This sponsee is so calm and willing that I just don't know what to do with her! LOL She said that she knows she is powerless, she knows her life was unmanagable, she believes in God and knows that God has saved her life.

So.....how do I work the first 3 steps with her? Do I just ask discussion-prompting questions, such as "how do you define powerlessness?" "give me an example of the unmanagability in your life", etc.?

My sponsor did not have me write out anything for these 1st 3 steps, so I'm not familiar with the "written homework" concept.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!
anniemac
 
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sometimes

Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 28, 2006 5:17 pm

Sometimes... when it looks too good to be true... and sounds too good to be true... often... I've discovered it isn't true! :lol:

I used to think that once in a while God would send me an easy one to make up for all the difficult ones that He sent my way. :wink: Then, I discovered that He wasn't so generous with me in that way. :roll:

Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful... regardless of the package that it comes in. The instructions in the Big Book are the same for all alcoholic packages.... :lol: "We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start!"

My experience has been, that my best course of action is to just follow the instructions in the book as closely as I can.... regardless of what I might think about the package. :wink:


Dallas
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Postby anniemac » Wed Jun 28, 2006 7:07 pm

Okay, Dallas, here's my BB ignorance shining through -- in How it Works, it tells us that this brings us to Step 3....

But how does one work Steps 1 and 2 with a sponsee? Just by them reading the prior chapters and discussing how they identify? Cause I don't see that the book has instructions for 1 and 2 (as I posted elsewhere, I'm a literal person; I don't do well reading between the lines.... :oops: )
anniemac
 
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suggestions

Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 28, 2006 9:18 pm

First, read Chapter 7, and notice closely the instructions there and then take some notes as you read.

As you're reading that (Chapter 7)... you'll want her to start reading on the very front cover of her Big Book. Be sure she reads "every single page." You'll be asking her some questions regarding to what she has read.

After you read Chapter 7, and you take notes there of what you'll be doing with her... then, you'll need to start reading from the front cover of the BB, up to page 103.

The information for :

Step 1, is The Dr.'s Opinion, Chapter 1,2, and 3. However, when you walk her through the Steps, you'll be starting on the Front Cover, and then talking to her about the information on the Title page, the Forward to the First Edition, and the Preface (to which ever version of BB you'll be using... I normally use the 3rd Edition). Then, you'll go through the Dr.'s Opinion (together, talking about the things in there that deal with Step 1).

Look on page 30, paragraph 2 : "We learned... that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery."

"We" = the two of you. "learned"... is what you'll both be doing. (Funny how it works that way... I learn something each time I take a new person through the Steps. This is why it gets so exciting for me when I get the opportunity. "More gets revealed." ). :lol:

To "fully concede" to anything... we usually need to know something about it. Since we are dealing with "alcoholism"... something that we could die from... it's good to know as much about it as we can.

In the Dr.'s Opinion and in Chapter 3, it covers "types" of alcoholics. And, it distinquishes between the "hard-drinker", "problem drinker", and the "real alcoholic."

Bill tells us in the 12 & 12, that the only Step we need to be so concerned with as to totally and completely taking it... is the First Step. The entire process of Steps 2-12, will depend on how well someone has done their First Step.

You're #1 job, in helping her with Step 1, is to help her understand the difference between the problem drinker... and the real alcoholic.

The problem drinker can usually stop drinking without AA, without 12 Steps, and without a spiritual solution. And, often, the alcoholic can stop drinking too.... but, the alcoholic can not stay stopped. :lol: (Page 44, Chapter 4 "We agnostics"). Now... if their is a "problem drinker" reading this... feeling a sigh of relief... don't sigh too soon! :lol: Many of us were alcoholic long before we ever thought so!!!!!

When I first came to AA, I thought I had a "drinking problem." I thought I had an "alcohol problem." ... After I failed AA, and got drunk again, my sponsor helped me learn that my problem is not alcohol.... my problem is alcohol-ism.

If my problem was simply alcohol... all I need to do is stop drinking it and my life would get better.

As an alcoholic... when I stopped drinking.... my life got worse. Alcohol was my "solution"... not my problem. Without my solution... I had a major problem... and that was my untreated alcoholism.

There is only two ways to treat my alcoholism... 1. By drinking. Or, 2. With the 12 Steps. Someone else may have another way... but, those are the only two ways that have ever worked for me.... Drinking... or the 12 Steps.

I know that some alcoholics have stopped drinking other ways... like go to church, get struck by lightening... fall in love, or out of love... or whatever... I can only speak for me. :lol:

Dallas

P.S. A little note added here :wink: What I wrote above... is how I do it. It may not be the best way to do it in your unique situation. Whatever you have been doing is obviously working well for you. :wink:
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Postby anniemac » Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:24 pm

thanks, Dallas, for sharing your ES&H with me.

And, talk about how most of our projected fears don't ever come to fruition...the sponsee cancelled our meeting, so once again, all that worry for nothing!

I now feel more comfortable with guiding her and whenever (if ever) she begins her journey on the steps, I feel I will be able to be more helpful.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Jun 30, 2006 9:04 pm

Funny how it seems to happen that way. :wink:

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