- The process of Sponsorship

The process of Sponsorship




Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,

Postby GeoffS » Mon Mar 10, 2008 6:32 pm

yes, it's amazing what you can hear in meetings of alcoholics anonymous!


Dallas wrote:Hey GeoffS,

That's a very wise suggestion that is often over-looked!

Thanks for sharing it.

Dallas
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Postby musicmode » Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:35 pm

Something else that I've found works for me is: I've had sponsors where I've been comfortable sharing stuff with, but when I hit on something that the other person doesn't understand, and simply because perhaps the "issue" or what ever is so outside of their world, or...for whatever reason, you don't feel like you want to tell your sponsor ______ ### fill in the ####...the point is that we need to get all of that garbage out with someone~~get it out of us so as to let it go...but maybe there's another individual who you could tell, then let that be so. It's about learning how to be honest with yourself ### you become willing to be honest with yourself that is :oops: :wink: Took me 7 years, that's ####. Take the friend who left her purse wide open in front of me...there was a light hearted/not so intimidating moment where I admitted to another person that I'm a thief. I would never, nor would I have ever stolen that purse or anything in it...but I've stolen in other ways ### con and the brainstorm, right?--I've stolen audiences...really...I did. Just like the "pied piper"...or was that the pie-eyed piper?? The first time I set out to do this, I went down to the competition night club--with the motive and intention of 'charming' them all back to where the band I was in was...it worked so well...I did it again in another town...then, another...ya think I owe a few other bands amends??####. I've learned...for me anyway...I can find all sorts of excuses to keep that junk inside and not open up to people...one excuse has been "oh, my sponsor's on holidays, now is when I want to talk about this, and she's not here," :evil: . Where ever possible and how ever possible...we gotta keep workin' it.

It's about trust, right? Not something I've been too keen on...trusting others??? I've been burnt, too...in the sense that I've gone out on a limb and admitted to myself, another person and God as I understand Him ### ####...and let some kind of cat out of the bag that I swore I'd never tell a soul cuz it was toooo rotten and embarrassing, only to get to the next meeting, and have a third party ask me about something that that third party should not have even known about ### about learning tolerance and patience let me tell ####. I've learned that if what I tell you for example, you know that this can be of help to someone else, by all means, pass it forward, so today...it's not such a big deal if this happens. Besides, I think I've gotten rid of all the real nasties in the closet. Back then, though...it was a real issue...that was MY part: trust. How was I to know that my then sponsor was also the blabber mouth and newspaper of the group??? ###, that's sarcasm, not resentment. Used to be...but now I understand...that's just how some people are--they were born that way...right?..tee-hee)


As for men sponsoring men and women sponsoring women. In groups I've been in, it's suggested that this be the way it goes. However, sometimes it's the case where there aren't too many women, and those who are there, may have only been in the program a few months more than you have...you need a sponsor who's steady on their feet and solid in the program. They talk the talk at the meetings~anybody can do that...but do they walk it? Do they practice ### the best of their #### the principles out there. Another thing I've learned to be careful about, and it is out of concern for both me and the potential sponsor~~how many people are they sponsoring already? How busy are they already? If she's got a job, a husband, 2 kids who are teenagers, and one of them is in constant trouble with the law, and she's sponsoring 3 other people, you gotta ask yourself...where does she find the time to do her own step work for herself? I was told both, that I gotta have a sponsor right away...and I was told that there's no rush...don't keep putting it off indefinitely...but this is a life long program. Easy does it. Someone who both talks and listens from the heart, and shoots from the hip. Remember, it's gotta have weight and it's gotta have depth. In otherwords, the type of sponsor that works for me, I want to soak up every word that person says, and I want that person to keep talking because even their voice draws you into their serenity...and you want what they got. They don't have to be a drill sergeant and jam it down your throat...but you want someone who's going to tell it like it is, too. My part is...I gotta have the desire for it, and I gotta be willing to listen and learn. They can have 10 years sobriety and still be an emotional basket case, or, they can have 4 years sobriety, and...you know...you just know..that they got something that you want. There's something about that person that gives you the drive to stay sober~~because you want to be sober "like that"...that's the kind of sobriety you envision for you. Keep in mind, you are not going to like everything they say---that's a GOOD thing for us-that's how this program works-we get told what we need to hear, not what we want to hear...I seem to "take it" better when it's delivered from compassion and wisdom rather than a finger pointing attack...but, that's very likely my own perspective and not the intention of the messenger. They are only sharing their experience, strength and hope. Take what you need and leave the rest.

For what it's worth, anyway :wink:
Keep it simple,
Anne
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Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 12, 2008 3:11 am

Would I be embarrassed to have what I’m doing printed on the front page of the newspaper?

If it would embarrass me – then, I need to stop doing it. And, I need to get busy with getting honest with somebody and get busy with making amends........ if ......... I want to stay sober! :wink:

And, if it wouldn’t embarrass me – then, it doesn’t matter who knows what I’m doing or what I’ve done. I can go to sleep at night -- comfortable in my own skin, feeling like it's fine with me that my life is an open book and that it doesn't matter who in the entire world knows what I'm doing or what I have done. And, I can feel comfortable and sleep like a baby... knowing that I have gone to any lengths to make right... any of my wrongs. Living a life that I'm not regretting the past... or wishing to shut the door or keep the door shut on my past. It's very important for me to be able to live my life like this.

That works for me.

My sponsor is the one person that I would tell – regardless of how shameful or embarrassing my behavior has been. This is the person in my life that needs to know everything about me. If I’m afraid to admit something to my sponsor – then I need to find a different sponsor. And, when I was afraid to tell my sponsor... I told him anyway. (I was following instructions... regardless if I liked it or not, was willing or not, and regardless of how afraid I was to follow the instructions. "Just do it -- anyway." )

I learned that it was vital for me to have at least one person in my life that I would be totally open and honest with. Totally honest – no matter what.

For me, my 5th Step, and my daily practice of the 5th Step... in my daily practice of the 10th Step is:

I admit to God, to myself and to another human being – the exact nature of my wrongs. Present tense. Immediately. No waiting around about it, here. When there is something I need to tell about me -- my life and my sobriety are at risk... the longer I go hiding it ... or ... hanging on to it. I believe that Step 10, means what it says... by using the word "promptly."

If this other person is a total stranger to me, or someone that I won’t see and won’t face everyday, and a person that doesn’t know everything about me... what kind of real benefit is there for me to admit anything to them?

My ego needs to be smashed – and kept smashed. I need to be honest. I need to act with integrity. I need to be accountable and responsible for my actions. And, I need to be comfortable living in my skin.

Hiding something about myself – would be one of the quickest ways that I could end up with a drink in my hand, a rope around my neck, or a gun in my mouth.

I want to live. I want to stay sober. I want to stay happy, joyous and free.

If I’m going to achieve what I want – life, sobriety, and real happiness... I have to be willing to go to any lengths to have it.

There were many times in my early sobriety, that my first sponsor had to remind me, by inquiring of me... “Dallas... didn’t you tell me that you were willing to go to any lengths and to do anything necessary, to get over the alcohol problem?â€
Dallas
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Postby Kelly » Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:21 am

Wow what great stuff from all of you! Thank you!

Anne, I too have the “trustâ€
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Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 12, 2008 1:21 pm

I know how you feel, Kelly Miranda from Alaska via the Deep South!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: My real name is Henry the 8th, and I'm from England! :lol: :lol: :lol: And, I was one of the original Beatles! :lol: :lol: And, I did a whole lot of drinking when I was Dallas! :lol: :lol: And, before that... I was a famous brain surgeon! :lol: :lol:

Okay... Joking a side...

When I wrote ... "I know how you feel, Kelly" ... I was referring to the gratitude that you feel for others. I literally fell in love with all those pukes that were trying to save my life! And, I will forever feel in debt to them. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here today.

Also... I learned early on, too... to use everyone as a sponsor! Meaning, some people can show me and teach me what to do by their example... and some people will show me and teach me what NOT to do... by their examples. :wink:

Dallas
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Postby Kelly » Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:37 pm

Thanks Dallas! It's a little weird to me that I feel such a kinship with some of the people here and view many of you as pseudo-sponsors and we've never even met! I haven't felt that kind of personal connection with anyone at the meetings yet, but I think it's because I have been islolating myself so much for so long that I forgot how to feel, act, "be" in public settings again (other than work). The people at the meetings are certainly warm and friendly towards me....it's just "me" and having to come out of my shell a little more at the meetings and with other members. It will happen in time, I know it will...and I will find a suitable sponsor.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:13 pm

Perhaps it's just a little more non-threatening to open up online.

I don't know.

A few years ago, I was publishing magazines... and one of my writers wrote a story on the "whys" of fast-friendships (and romances) on the Internet and their results. She interviewed several couples that had met online... and many of them mentioned how it was less of a threat for them to open up online. We ran the story in one of the magazines, and her ideas about it made a lot of sense to me.

I mean, you could make a couple of clicks and make us all disappear from your PC! :lol: :lol:

I know I've been in some meetings that I wished that I could double-click and make someone there disappear!!! :oops:
:lol: :lol:

Dallas
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