Is it normal?

[angel143]

I was wondering...is it normal to go through periods in the early stages, of feeling like a total failure....at everything! Is it normal to look at your life, and wonder why the people in it, are still there? Is it normal, that when friends/family tell you they love you...that you just wonder how long till they realize the real you...and turn and run?

Is any of this normal? This isn't an everyday feeling. But I was talking with someone today about myself, and the things I have done and the person that I was...that I REALLY was....and it hit me....the realization of who I was.

Now I wonder....family/friends...all say they support me, love me, will be there for me through it all. Ok...fine....not sure why...but ok. But...what happens when I need to tell new people in my life? What happens when I have to tell them all these things about me?

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Does this get easier? This self reflection stuff is gonna kill me. I hate the me that I was. I wasnt happy, I wasnt healthy, I wasnt me. Geez, does this get any easier?

Do you ever just want someone to reach out pull you in and wrap their arms around you...and cry with you?

Ok....you can all slap me now. I know I sound like a whiny butt baby!

I love you all
Heather

[DiggerinVA]

Heather that sounds normal to me. You will have some good days and some bad days. Things just keep getting better and better. Faith will carry you.

[Candy]

find someone you trust & clean house. it works. i understand the crazies. it was normal for me. i still get them but it gets better. xoxoxo Candy.

[tim-one]

Heathy,

For me:

Well, it's absolutely normally abnormal.

Nuthin normal about being an alcoholic.

Nuthin normal about being a sober alcoholic.

It's totally normal for an abnormal person to regret behaviors, to wonder why in hell anyone would keep loving me.

Hell, I hated me, why wouldn't they! I thoroughly considered killing this azzho'. That's why I call suicide "auto-murder" - I didn't even know the guy I was gonna kill.

Know what? (fixin' to ell ya anyway ) What you're wondering is the beginning of right humility. Don't mistake it for anything else. It's the essence of step 1.

This is kinda how I step-oned my azz:

1. Regret - "I hate me and everything I've ever done." <internalizing
2. Remorse - "I hate what I've done to everyone." <externalizing
3. Review - "I wonder how I affected those close to me." <narrowing
4. Rebuke - "I am a pitiful excuse for a man." <admitting
4. Re-evaluation - "If they still love me, there must be something worth saving." <realizing
5. Renegotiation - "I'm worse than I will be, but better than I was." <not hopeless
6. Redirection - "I have something to live for, work for, not against." <hoping
7. Re-admission - "Tim is an alcoholic. I AM alcoholic Tim." <accepting
8. Repose - "I can do nothing of myself. Here I am." <surrendering
9. Reliance - "I am nothing without You, HP." <humbling
10. Redress - "I will to be what You meant me to be." <Amazing

I got that from review of my worksheets rehab had me do in the beginning. What a trip!

So, yes, it's normal to go back and forth with faith and doubt, with confidence and insecurity, with hope and remorse. Don't stop ... YET. Eventually, as soon as you are convinced yuo are ready, you will trade all that re-iteration for determination and purpose step by step.

Hope that meant sumthin to somebody but me. I always need to remember. Ferget regret.

Love,
Tim1

For convenience and 'splainin the way I think:

Rebuke: 1 a: to criticize sharply : reprimand

Repose: 1 a: to lie at rest b: to lie dead c: to remain still

Redress: 1 a (1): to set right : remedy (2): to make up for: compensate b: to remove the cause of

[JayWalker]

"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." page 83

The solution is action and more action.

JayWalker
Chapter 3.

[GeoffS]

I was wondering...is it normal to go through periods in the early stages, of feeling like a total failure....at everything! Is it normal to look at your life, and wonder why the people in it, are still there? Is it normal, that when friends/family tell you they love you...that you just wonder how long till they realize the real you...and turn and run?

Erm in a word...yes. And not just in early days. The program of AA will help you to turn that wondering confused feeling about these people into one of gratitude. Just try to be decent to them and to you. It woeks, trust us.

Is any of this normal? This isn't an everyday feeling. But I was talking with someone today about myself, and the things I have done and the person that I was...that I REALLY was....and it hit me....the realization of who I was.

Stick around, more will be revealed, some good, some bad, mostly good, but the program will help you see it all for what it is, and help you learn and grow.

Now I wonder....family/friends...all say they support me, love me, will be there for me through it all. Ok...fine....not sure why...but ok. But...what happens when I need to tell new people in my life? What happens when I have to tell them all these things about me?

Heather, the family and friends are there because they know the real you. Its us that get all confused about that by drinking. The program and a higher power (mine is god) will help you see it too.

And don't worry about telling new people all this stuff, god will put the right people in your life at the right time, he's smart like that. You concentrate on doing the work your end, and god will sweat the big stuff like that.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Does this get easier? This self reflection stuff is gonna kill me. I hate the me that I was. I wasnt happy, I wasnt healthy, I wasnt me. Geez, does this get any easier?

Do you ever just want someone to reach out pull you in and wrap their arms around you...and cry with you?

It does get easier, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, but it definitely does.
The self-reflection stuff won't kill you, we can't say it won't hurt, because chances are... however we've all been right where you are, and the fellowship of AA will give you that hug and cry right along with you...but more we have a solution that works fine if you choose it.

Ok....you can all slap me now. I know I sound like a whiny butt baby!

I love you all
Heather

No, you sound like a newcomer to AA who wants to get well.

stick around
Geoff

[Susan68]

I was wondering...is it normal to go through periods in the early stages, of feeling like a total failure....at everything! Is it normal to look at your life, and wonder why the people in it, are still there? Is it normal, that when friends/family tell you they love you...that you just wonder how long till they realize the real you...and turn and run?

Is any of this normal? This isn't an everyday feeling. But I was talking with someone today about myself, and the things I have done and the person that I was...that I REALLY was....and it hit me....the realization of who I was.

Now I wonder....family/friends...all say they support me, love me, will be there for me through it all. Ok...fine....not sure why...but ok. But...what happens when I need to tell new people in my life? What happens when I have to tell them all these things about me?

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

Does this get easier? This self reflection stuff is gonna kill me. I hate the me that I was. I wasnt happy, I wasnt healthy, I wasnt me. Geez, does this get any easier?

Do you ever just want someone to reach out pull you in and wrap their arms around you...and cry with you?

Ok....you can all slap me now. I know I sound like a whiny butt baby!

I love you all
Heather

I'm seriously not a crier, but I have had my moments since I stopped drinking. Folks in meetings say it's pretty normal, e.g., you drank to bury the emotions, etc. The last thing I want is someone to wrap their arms around me and cry with me (someone attempting to do that would send me running really fast), but I guess this is abnormal. You hang in there chick. Even when I feel bad I remind myself that I took this really positive step (okay, not the 12 steps just yet, but meeting makers make it, right. . . < > and I feel so much better not being drunk 25-35% of my waking moments. No headaches, no upset stomach, no embarassment, loss of control, etc. You did the same thing. Pat yourself on the back. It took a lot of courage to walk into an AA meeting for the first time and actually make a commitment to yourself to stop drinking. You can't be that bad!

Chin up.

[Susan68]

That was seriously a joke about the meeting makers make it . . .

[Susan68]

25-35% is probably a conservative figure.

[Dallas]

Looks like some of that fuzzy math to me!

I knew a lady once that picked "wife-beaters" for boyfriends and husbands... she was alcoholic too, and I was trying to offer a helping hand by referring her to the Women's Crisis Center and Shelter... (she was getting pretty battered up real bad)... and the lady says to me...

"Well... he only does this to me about 15 % of the time! The other 85% he doesn't do it!"



I asked if wasn't just as wrong if it was 1% of the time... and that she deserved it to be ZERO percent of the time!

She kind of felt like it was unrealistic... to shoot for 1 or none!!!


Ahhh!!!! "Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just drink 1% of the time!"

Hey!!! With a thought like that... maybe I should be seeking a shelter!!!