"Fake it till you make it" is very important and much misunderestimated. (as Dubya would say)
It's very simplistic, but very important.
Bloviating (O'Reilly) as I am wont to do (yes I spaylt "wont" rite), faking it mean "practice", not perfection ... YET. Fake it with purpose like running drills till it's a habit, till you get it right. That's why athletes have coaches. That's why I call my sponsor Coach. Practice to excel.
TRUE letting go of resentments is from the heart. No human can get there just by saying it or acting it. It's still in there, just being ignored for the moment.
I know that I, just I, stuffed a whole bunch of resentments all my life. I acted like they weren't there until I forgot they were there. But they were still controlling my thinking. Then I gave booze the wheel and I started re-acting on them again.
It's easy to pray for an enemy through gritted teeth. Until you actually mean them well asking HP to do His best for them, you're still stuffing the resentment and a drink will boil it back to the surface.
The program is about psychic/spiritual change. It happens "sometimes quickly, sometimes sloooooooowwwwwlllllyyyy." The point is IT HAPPENS.
Doing the program is simple. LIVING the program, not so easy.
When I was 4-stepping, I kept coming to my righty justified childhood resentments. "I was just a KID, fer cryin' out loud. NOBODY can treat a kid that way and get away with it! I DESERVE this RESENTMENT!"
Truth is, being a child, I was selfish. OF COURE kids are selfish. IT'S THEIR JOB! So what ... I selfishly expected to be cared for and, by nature, that's what I expected. Simply, my expectations were too high. Had no control over that at the time. Tough. It's the truth.
Too bad. That po' baby grew up with an inner brat. That brat drank his due. Time the brat grew up into a responsible man.
Easy? HELL-FRIGN-NO! Necessary. You betcha! What do I have to do to dig it outa me? ONLY a Power Greater than ME can do that. TRUST. Oh, sure trust another authority like the one who treated me that way ....
NOPE! Trust the Father I wanted, not the dirt-dad I had. (human means "from dirt" ... not a hateful dig any more ... I understand now.)
I had to understand that he was a sick man and I inherited his illness. I understand his problem. He didn't have a choice that he knew of. I do have a choice and I made it. I chose life.
Not until I understood that, could I forgive him. Thus, I couldn't forgive ME. AND vice versa, until I forgave ME, I couldn't forgive him. That's totally an HP thing.
I began the process when I "got sober" 12 years ago as written in my poym posted under "Fake it till you make it".
Part of it:
Will I be judged grotesque inside?
A monster till the day I died?
Or by the things Iâ€™d said and done
Pretending to act like Godâ€™s own Son?
Give no thought to how I feel
When youâ€™re in pain or need a meal.
I practice, practice, practice still
To heal my heart without a pill,
Till inside is as outside does,
Till monster is as Jesus was.
The brat in me revolts when prodded.
Itâ€™s him, not me! And God just nodded.
And so I bother, though it makes me wild,
To forgive my father and mature my child.
THIS time, I got it! I faked it till I made it. Done deal.
The final result is written in my poym posted under "Stepping out of dad's shoes". I MADE IT for real. I forgave my dad in my heart and soul. I understand and I pity him.
Part of it:
But older now, I understand
What dad so long endured.
The "beast" had stolen everything
He once found sweet and pure.
I feel his pain and loss of self
He lives still strong in me.
But even drink cannot make me
Be him. Iâ€™m kind and free.
I forgive my dad for all the wrong
He forced on me at length.
He owes me naught, the debt erased.
Oh, God, give me the strength.
Dad will not continue on
To cause me to be crazed.
With tools of love and sorrow sweet,
His grotto has been razed.
I AIN'T NO STINKIN SAINT ! No excuse. I can dam sure try to be one.
Re-read "How It Works" and "Into Action" slowly.
Replace all instances of "we" with "I".
Read each sentence twice and own it the second time
I'll point out a couple of quotes special to me changing we to I:
Pg. 66 -"This was my course: I realized that the people who wronged me were perhaps spiritually sick. Though I did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed me, they, like myself, were sick too. I asked God to help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience I would show a sick friend. When a person offended I said to myself, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
Now I have sympathy/empathy for them.
The brutal truth:
Pg. 74 - "The rule is I must be hard on myself, but always considerate of others."
It's MY JOB to not purposely offend anyone else. It's also MY JOB to be unoffendable.
I mean them well. I want God's best for them.
I've given them power over me far too long. The only one I hurt holding grudges was ME. It serves them right that I'm chewed up inside. I sure showed them!. I got everything they deserve.
Here's the really brutal truth:
GET OVER IT, TIM! FINALLY ! 'BOUT DAM TIME, YA LITTLE BRAT !
Oh, man ... it hurts REEEEEEL GOOOOD ! For a minute. NEXT !
Hey, if I can heal a childhood trauma, the world is the sky. I can forgive ANYBODY if I can forgive myself and my dad.
Well, that's how it worked for me ... owning the program. Not just working it. Working it in.