Well, it's absolutely normally abnormal.
Nuthin normal about being an alcoholic.
Nuthin normal about being a sober alcoholic.
It's totally normal for an abnormal person to regret behaviors, to wonder why in hell anyone would keep loving me.
Hell, I hated me, why wouldn't they! I thoroughly considered killing this azzho'. That's why I call suicide "auto-murder" - I didn't even know the guy I was gonna kill.
Know what? (fixin' to ell ya anyway
) What you're wondering is the beginning
humility. Don't mistake it for anything else. It's the essence of step 1.
This is kinda how I step-oned my azz:
1. Regret - "I hate me and everything I've ever done." <internalizing
2. Remorse - "I hate what I've done to everyone." <externalizing
3. Review - "I wonder how I affected those close to me." <narrowing
4. Rebuke - "I am a pitiful excuse for a man." <admitting
4. Re-evaluation - "If they still love me, there must be something worth saving." <realizing
5. Renegotiation - "I'm worse than I will be, but better than I was." <not hopeless
6. Redirection - "I have something to live for, work for, not against." <hoping
7. Re-admission - "Tim is an alcoholic. I AM alcoholic Tim." <accepting
8. Repose - "I can do nothing of myself. Here I am." <surrendering
9. Reliance - "I am nothing without You, HP." <humbling
10. Redress - "I will to be what You meant me to be." <Amazing
I got that from review of my worksheets rehab had me do in the beginning. What a trip!
So, yes, it's normal to go back and forth with faith and doubt, with confidence and insecurity, with hope and remorse. Don't stop ... YET. Eventually, as soon as you are convinced yuo are ready, you will trade all that re-iteration for determination and purpose step by step
Hope that meant sumthin to somebody but me. I always need to remember. Ferget regret.
For convenience and 'splainin the way I think:
Rebuke: 1 a: to criticize sharply : reprimand
Repose: 1 a: to lie at rest b: to lie dead c: to remain still
Redress: 1 a (1): to set right : remedy (2): to make up for: compensate b: to remove the cause of