I wish I had gotten into AA when I was younger. While it would have been harder to accept the prospect of living life without alcholol, it would have been so much easier on so many other levels. I see so many young people being taken by the scruff of the neck by older adults; I would have had a much easier time accepting direction from other people when I was in my 20's. I was driving my own train, by necessity, and I think I would have welcomed a maternal/paternal figure telling me to shut up and listen. I can't deal with it now.
I wish you the best of luck. When I had one week of "not drinking" I was driving home saying to myself "Susan, what are you crazy? So you had a couple of bad days -- you don't have to get all crazy running into AA!!" Just then a woman I had met in a meeting three or four days prior called me on my cell phone. I started saying, "yeah, I'm sort of thinking I overreacted, etc." She was really cool. She said "Susan, do you think you can go out and limit the amount you drink on any singular occasion?" This was actually a trick question, because I'm thinking "of course I can do that, what's the big deal about that? If I have something to prove in this regard I can most certainly go out and limit myself on any occasion to two pints of beer, or two glasses of wine (as I'm considering my response to the question I'm thinking, "well, I'm not going to agree to limit it to 1, but I will agree to limit it to 2.") Anyway, I responded by saying, "sure, I can control myself and limit myself to 2 drinks." She said, "Susan, anything that you need to "control" is out of control." I told you, trick question. I couldn't argue with that logic.
I would like to say that's the last time I had to ask myself whether I am an alcoholic and really need to be in AA, but it wasn't. I think that's just the cunning nature of this beast (and Dallas would probably say it's also a function of talking about, rather than doing, the 12 steps!!).
I'm working on 90 days, so I'm not guru yet. But I would suggest if you're unsure about whether you're an alcoholic just make a commitment to yourself to go to an AA meeting everyday. Listen to what you hear there. Talk to some folks there after the meetings. You will be so surprised at how many people will be absolutely energized to meet you, and talk to you, and help you find the answer to that question. Even if you decide you're not an alcholic you'll meet a lot of wonderful people who will care enough to help you come to a conclusion.
And check back in here every now and again.