IF YOU HAVE DECIDED-----------THEN YOU ARE READY

[ROBERT]

I was at a treatment center meeting this wknd and a chap w/14 yrs.-by his own admission-used the 1st 35 min. of their meeting to explaine to the residents there just how they are to get sober,stay sober because after all this is a simple program as he put it and if they were not doing these simple things well it ain't gonna work. He very politley told the crowd you gotta lose the attitude or else. I thought i was gonna be sick...I felt hurt,and empathy. Here are people in a facility, some just being exposed to recovery, still stinging from what got them there,and some A.A. cowboyshooting from his hip, not his experience,strenght, or hope, just directions--HIS! I remember that until I decided I wanted what A.A. had to offer,or i was ready I went to countless meetings, read all the books, had a sponser,etc, etc-- but nothing worked!! For a long time I thought I would never get this so called simple program--I must really be messed up,all these people saying it is so simple, and early my self respect, self esteem was garbage---then a really cool ole' timer took me aside and pointed out the 2nd paragraph in HOW IT WORKS, and that there was nothing the matter w/ me other than I wasn't ready, and some never make it to "READY" so he said i'll pray for you---It was 2 yrs later when I surrendered but that man helped me as i was on the verge of saying F this A.A. stuff... I can't get it. I am forever gratefull to have had him in my life at that time....so I feel it is so very important to share w/newcomers....that for me it became a simple program when " I decided i wanted what you had (i was ready), I was willing to go to any lenght (teachable)---THEN I was ready to take certain steps, 12 to be exact...and that may be true for others, and when I was ready, wouldn't you know the program worked, just like I heard.

[Dallas]

Thanks for sharing Robert!

I'm sharing about my experience... without commenting on what you shared... so, hopefully... it will be okay for me to do that, without anyone getting nerved up about it.

The ONLY thing that worked for me... to get me ready... was whiskey!

I so relate to Chapter 3, More about alcoholism, And, Chapter 2, There is a Solution, and to Chapter 1, Bill's story.... And, it's funny, how I didn't understand what I was reading until I had been sober for a while... and could see... that they had written that as "My Story!"

Now, I was sober the first time I read it... and didn't get it. Then, when I went back to drinking and read it... It made more sense to me! Then, after I got sober and stayed sober for a while... I understood it better, as it applied to me!

I can't comment on it in regards to what I did or didn't get the first time I read it when I was sober... because I don't remember!

But, when I was drinking whiskey are read it... it made so much more sense to me! "If you're not ready for this deal -- keep drinking!"

I liked that idea! Funny, sometimes... how something I like to do is actually the best thing I can be doing! It's not supposed to work that way! (Today, as I look back on it... my thinking was always better when I was drinking... it was when I'd get sober that my thinking was always so screwed up!)

It's also funny... that I remember, the first time sober in AA, I remember guys telling me... "If you're not ready to do this deal -- you haven't had enough to drink!" I thought! How odd? Those guys must just want to get rid of me!!! But, they were right... about it. And, they didn't want to get rid of me... they just knew how it worked, because they were sober and had already tried all the things that I was going to have to try before I could get it to! In regards to "being ready!"

I believe that the greatest gift that God has given to me -- is the ability to be aware of my pain and suffering... and my pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization... not in association to my drinking -- but in association with my "being sober!"

When I was drinking... I could handle the pain and suffering. Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization didn't bother me so much when I was drinking. If I was drinking, I could puke in your face or puke on your shoes, or your carpet, or your bed... and it didn't phase me at all!

It was when I was sober -- that it bothered me!

So, I could see that the suggestions in the Big Book were written specifically for me... and no one else! I read... and understood... "If you're not ready to do the deal... do some more drinking!" What a wonderful idea that was! (For me).

It wasn't knowledge about stuff that made me ready to "do the deal"... it was whiskey that made me ready to do the deal!

It was the awareness of my condition while sober... the pain, suffering, pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, feelings of self-pity, depression, anxiety, the dissatisfaction, the irritableness, the terror and unmanageability -- while sober -- that made me ready to do the deal.

When I first heard someone in AA suggest from a podium... "Hey! If you're new... I wish you pain! Because until you've decided you have had enough pain... you're just going to go back to drinking anyway! You're not going to do this deal until you feel enough pain! Pain is God's gift to the alcoholic!"

I thought it was absurd! But, after I finally sobered up... this time, I can now see that he was so right about it!

He was able to share that with me -- because of his experience. You see, I figured out that -- it's not about him being like me -- the real deal is -- I'm like him! And, I didn't even know it!"

So, for me??? I thank God for all the pain that it took... to get me to start getting to get to where I am today! Sober and comfortable. Sober... without the pain and suffering.

Alcoholism is a dis-ease of perception... I learned this when I read the Dr.'s Opinion... and I could see that "he was writing about me!"

I couldn't tell the difference between what was right and wrong for me... I couldn't tell what was true or false... for me, the right that I would choose for me always turned out to be the wrong thing for me... and the things that I was so positive that were wrong for me... turned out to be the things that were right for me.

But, I couldn't see that,and I couldn't understand that, until "after" I experienced the psychic change that the Dr. was writing about.

This to me, is what made my alcoholism so grave and fatal. My head was telling me -- while I was sober -- that to turn right was turning left -- and turning left -- was turning actually right. So, I was lost... with no hope of ever finding my way.

My sober head would say "Do this and you'll get better"... and I would "do this" and get worse... And, my head would say "Don't do that... you'll get worse"... and I would do that ... and I got better!

Cunning. Baffling. Powerful. When, sober!

I remember I used to hear preacher's say to me "you can't understand spiritual things until AFTER you have had a spiritual experience!"

I "thought" they were telling me "you can't have spiritual experiences until you understand it"... and that wasn't what they were saying at all!

That memory of what those preachers told me, made sense to me, after I got through the 12 Steps...

Thanks for allowing me to share MY experience! And, how it workED for me!

Dallas

[ROBERT]

Thanks "D".....The message to newcomers,from what I gather from the B.B. is not to be one of "This is how YOU get sober, instead "This is how I got sober" I don't believe, from my experience, and from info in the B.B. it is helpful to talk to newcomers as if I have all the answeres to their problems, their experiences may have like outcomes but how they experience,or percieve the experience is theirs not mine so I can only share MY experience and how I got to the place of surrender,as I scanned the room as the gentleman was giving his lecture on how to get sober I went back to earlier times at the begining and hell when someone told me lose the attitute my thought was "WHAT ATTITUDE" so I figure when it says "Never talk down to an alcoholic, or from some higher moral place" today I can see the folly in that position, it is not very helpful. Our real purpose is to be of maximum SERVICE to God and the people about us. I don't believe I get anyone sober or can get them ready or any of that stuff, thats between them and God, being right sized for me means I am ONE of Gods children, he's the boss and I am finally OK w/that position,which takes alot of pressure away...playing God is hard work,frustrating work,it never worked...so today I share MY experience-no more -no less then leave the results up to "GOD" after all-- Lack of power is MY dilemma.

[Susan68]

Remember the movie "Moonstruck?" Recall that scene toward the end when the family is all sitting around the breakfast table after "Johnnie Cammarotti" comes in and it's who is kissing who, etc., etc. and grandfather, after listening to the melee, says, with his little accent, "I'm so confused."

That scene always comes to mind since I've "been in AA." Just when you think, "okay, I'm cool" someone says something and it's off to the races.

[Susan68]

I'm sharing about my experience... without commenting on what you shared... so, hopefully... it will be okay for me to do that, without anyone getting nerved up about it. Dallas

Who's "nerv[ing] up." Your writings have been invaluable I think. The online thing is tough -- sentiment doesn't always come across as intended.

[Dallas]

sentiment

Sentiment? What the heck is that? Is it like... Peppermint... Or... Orbits or something for the breath????

Now I'm confused!!!

[Susan68]

sentiment

Sentiment? What the heck is that? Is it like... Peppermint... Or... Orbits or something for the breath????

Now I'm confused!!!

You're confused?! Someone else recently took exception to my use of the word "sentiment."

Sometimes we misread the intent or true meaning of things people say in an email. That's all I was saying. I was thinking, perhaps he thinks someone was "nerved up" by something he said but he/she really wasn't, but rather was joking, etc.

Those little emotocons are more than just cute little faces -- let's put them to their proper use!!!

[Dallas]

I was thinking,

Imagine that? Susan was thinking! Who would have thunk it?



While you've got that link to the online dictionary... check out "Joking"... as in joking with you...


And, don't let that nasty mean Moderator come on here and see that you posted a link to an outside website!


When you have the opportunity to deal with one of those site Moderators... you'll become convinced that I'm not such a bad guy after all! They have even hurt my feelings before! And, they know I'm sensitive!

[Susan68]

I was thinking,

Imagine that? Susan was thinking! Who would have thunk it?



While you've got that link to the online dictionary... check out "Joking"... as in joking with you...


And, don't let that nasty mean Moderator come on here and see that you posted a link to an outside website!


When you have the opportunity to deal with one of those site Moderators... you'll become convinced that I'm not such a bad guy after all! They have even hurt my feelings before! And, they know I'm sensitive!

You are quite funny today Dallas. Truly. So no links to an outside website, huh? I guess I didn't read the preamble (oh, Susan didn't read the instruction manual? Howdya' like that?!).

I thought YOU were the moderator? Jeeze. Okay, no outside web links, develop a thick skin, it's not all about me, no one is really actually intending any ill sentiment toward me because they're not actually thinking about me (whut?), what else . . . umm, what else have I learned in 65 days . . . YES WE CAN (get the donuts at 60 days the dry drunk).

I actually have to go do some work.