Thanks for sharing Heather! I understand!
One of the hardest things for me to do as a newcomer was to allow someone to help me. I thought it was just one of those "man things".
Then, when I figured out some God stuff that made sense to me -- I adopted a belief that -- God put me in the world so that others could help me! And, He put them in this world so that I could help them!
The next idea I figured out about this God thing... (and it may only be true for me because of my understanding of it)... is "God helps people through people." So, when we pray to God for help -- he sends people, that often aren't even aware that they are being sent!
I loved your story. I really relate to it. Amazing things have happened in my life ever since I first went to AA, and got sober enough to become aware of them!
Once (well actually more than once... ) I was under a bunch of stress like you were today. I was newly sober. I was just about to lose it all! A motorcycle cop pulled up behind me, and noticed my little sticker on my bumper that had a circle and a triangle on it. He recognized the AA logo -- because he, too, was a sober member of A.A.!
He pulled me over and said "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Here I was... probably getting ready to go and get a drink... and I'm thinking "Oh Crap! Just my luck! Now they're going to arrest me for being sober! I haven't even had a drink yet!"
So, I told him no, I didn't know why he pulled me over.
He stuck out his hand and introduced himself to me as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he said he saw the sticker on my bumper, and noticed that I looked like I might be having a problem....
He sat with me and talked with me for at least a half-hour... gave me his telephone number and offered to help in the future. And when he left, I sure felt better! He saved my butt that day! Another one of God's Angels in AA!!!
Those kinds of tough experiences... I didn't know at the time... were answers to my prayers. See, I had been praying to God, telling God how difficult it was to become willing to believe in Him and to believe that He wasn't out to get me!!! God was sending people into my life -- that those people believed in God, and they prayed -- and they told me things like "Dallas, you're the answer to my prayer this morning!" (What the heck!!!
)... "Yes, I asked God this morning to lead me to someone that I could be of service to and to help them!"
And, what had I been doing? Running them off... when I wasn't kind... and if I liked them a little bit... rather than let them help me, I took their telephone number and gave it to other newcomers, telling them things like "Hey! If you ever need help -- call this guy! He can help you!"
I hope you hook up with those roving-house AA's and you're able to come back and post your experience with them. I've known some awesome house-rovers in AA!!!
Thanks for sharing!