- BOUNDRIES, NEEDS, & DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!

BOUNDRIES, NEEDS, & DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

BOUNDRIES, NEEDS, & DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!

Postby ROBERT » Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:45 pm

Hey people any one ever had issues with theses topics :lol: :lol: Seems that for years, pre-recovery years and a fair share of post-recovery time I was really unaware of these very important life skills--although, I can clearly see now how I tried to meet a large percentage of my needs in covert-unhealthy ways, decietfullness, manipulation,games I PLAYED with people, all with negative consequences that validated my un-worthiness, allowing self pity to swallow me almost to death... W/no boundries, I was always frightened of people and my needs went to the wayside so doing the right thing was really non-exsitent, I was definitly- amoral- and totally self absorbed- only able to escape thru drugs-alcohol-and extremley un-healthy relationships, most of the time the three were simultaneous --Becoming aware of these issues have taking a long time, and the program of action is the ONLY reason I became aware of these issues and being willing to do something about them took time as well --but the 12 steps can be used for many issues besides alcoholism...Today, thanks to this program & my Higher Power, and that 4 letter word ..WORK.. I have a clearer picture of my needs, learning to get them met in a more healthy fashion & setting boundries -- as I've discovered I am worthy,& doing the right thing begins to happen intuitivley--all because of a step 3 decision, and a power greater than myself. What a deal...by treating my alcoholism many NEW FREEDOMS have come about! When the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out--mentally and physically, could we add emotionally?
ROBERT
 
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Postby Dallas » Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:29 am

I guess I was kind of different in this area.

In regards to boundaries... I had steel and concrete walls abound me. I wasn't getting out and no one was getting in! My attitude was "this is my world -- and the only reason you're in it -- is because I haven't taken you out of it." In regards to needs -- I filled my own. I didn't ask for anyone or anything to fill a need. I did that myself. Other people were like items of furniture. Move it here and move it there, now move it out of here!

When I took the 12 Steps, for me, it was about getting rid of boundaries. I had the classical alcoholic personality... I didn't relate at all with those that call themselves co-dependent or al-anonish. I could see how us alcoholics scared the pee out of them though. They needed to be needed. Some of us alcoholics didn't care if we were needed or wanted. Made no difference to us. We had all we needed as long as we had our next drink.

Some see that as the unrecovered "alcoholic is so selfish"... and I don't see it that way either. Maybe they are selfish, but the selfishness had a purpose... it was to keep them numb from what they were feeling. Lonely. Guilty. Remorse. Personal inadequacy. Fear... of not having the next drink to wipe it all away.

Then, the terror set in. Out of control. Unmanageable. Unpredictable. All alone. The insanity of the cycle.

Yes, when I got sober, I had to take down the boundaries and the barriers so that I could accept help. I had to stop keeping God and other people out of my life and let them in. It required a re-building, over-hauling, and re-creating a Self that could live at peace with God and others.

Dallas
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Postby ROBERT » Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:12 pm

Yea Dallas, I think that is a great way to describe recovery we RE-CREATE ourselves one day at a time- emphasis on time--as it takes this (time) to un-learn, re-learn, re-build and over-haul ourselves to the point where new healthier ideas, habits, become second nature, just as the ###:twisted: old ideas, habits, :twisted:#### were. THANKS
ROBERT
 
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