Happy Sunday Everyone,
I have a wood cut-out of the words " Today Is A Gift" sitting on my dresser, I got it 9 months ago when I found out that my body had passed the Hep B I contracted when I was still drinking. My liver enzymes were back to normal and I was going to be fine. I felt like I was given another chance at life. Today is a gift is just how I felt.
I picked up my year chip Tuesday and Today Is A Gift is still how I feel today.
Two years ago I walked into the doors of AA and met the man who is still my sponsor today. He took the time out to try to help me when it seems that no woman would. We talked a lot and at about a week sober and him telling me how important it was to take the steps if I wanted to stay sober I ask him if he would take me thru them. We went thru them in two days, like our founders did, and the pain and torment I had lived with, suffered thru left me.
At 4 months sober I was told I had to have a double mastectomy, and I see now that I went into a complete pity-party and stopped working the program and within two months I was drunk. I stayed out for 8 months with the belief that anyone who went thru breast cancer would have done the same thing,,,,I deserved to get drunk. I went downhill fast, drinking more than I ever had, messing with drugs, and treating myself with no respect when it came to men. I become a person I hated. The alcohol had a stronger hold over me than it ever had. I was dying. Spiritually, mentally and physically.
I called Dallas, my old sponsor, and ask for help a few times, he always stayed in my mind. He would talk to me and tell me I knew what to do when I was ready, and finally I was, I was ready to stop for good. I walked back into AA a changed and beat down woman. Everything I once was had been stripped away and I stood there like a skeleton of the person I once was and ask for help. Dallas reached out his hand, helped me up and told me to get busy. I did.... The D.T.'s passed, the pain went away, and day by day I started becoming the person I had always wanted to be. That skeleton who walked back in the doors started to become a real person again, only this time it was the person who, I feel, I would have been there if I had never taken a drink..maybe even better.
I moved to Silverton, Co 5 months ago, and i scared the hell out of me leaving my sponsor. I didn't know if I could do it without him, but knew it was the right move to make. There was no AA to speak of and way too many bars. Dallas told me to get busy again and I did.. 12Th step work in Silverton saved my life. I got busy staying sober and forgot how scared I was.
Today I have a home, I am engaged to be married, my son is happier than he has ever been, I drive around town in the coolest convertible vet and I am sober.
Dallas told me when I first got sober to write down what I wanted in life and that if I did the deal and stayed sober I would surpass that list more than I would believe. I didn't believe him. Today my life is so full that it is hard to believe its mine at times. I comprehend the word serenity and I know peace. I see how my experience can benefit others. Fear of people and economic insecurity has left me. Everyone of the 9Th step promises has came true. I short changed myself in that list, I didn't know at the time that is was possible to feel happy, Serene, peace, full, grateful,,,,sobriety gave me a new life.
They ask me how I did it in the meeting when I got my one year chip. My answer? I got a sponsor. That's it for me, I ask Dallas to be my sponsor and he said yes..then he took me thur the book where I found God, learned discipline, how to help others, how to live life on lives terms, how to stay sober by working the steps and applying them to my life. Action and more action.
Dallas told me to start a Saturday night meeting in Silverton and I did about 3 months ago. Last night a guy with 2 weeks sober walked in and said he was so glad there was a meeting tonight because it was either that or the bar. He stayed sober for one more hour. That right there makes it all worth it today, that surpasses anything I could have put on my list.
Thank you for letting me share.