Getting sober is why I am here today..
I learned a while back in AA that I wanted more in my life than to be just "here". I wanted to be happy, at peace, comfortable in my decisions, a good mom, maybe a wife, free from pain, what others could see in me but I could not see in myself.
I lived so much of my life feeling like I was not worthy of happiness, not the kind I saw in "others" around me. I cut myself on a regular basis knowing it was all I deserved and if I died from it then that had to be better than living a drunk, miserable life. I hated myself and had so much slef-pitty that I could not see a future in my life, I didn't think I would be alive long enough to plan one.
Doing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is why I have the life I do today.
I was on the computer today trying to decide what to do for a honeymoon and I saw this package to Disneyland. I knew immediately I wanted to get married on the beach with my son there and spend a few days with him in Disneyland. Now the shocking thing is not only that I am getting married
, but I want to take my son to Disneyland, and I can. That is one of the things the "other" people in the world did. Take their kids on trips to Disneyland... I couldn't take him to McDonald's when I was drinking.
A few days ago My fiancee and I decided to go pick some wild flowers. We got the dog and jumped in the Blazer and took off the whole 30 minutes we needed to go to be up in the mountains (12,000 ft mountains) and let the dog out to play in the stream. On the way back I am sitting in the truck, Marc is driving and Bella (the pup) is in the back seat all wet and I closed my eyes and thanked God for helping me get and stay sober. That was a picture I saw that "other" people had, not this pitiful drunk. It was just a normal day in the life I have now.
I started a meeting in town on Saturday night. This last Saturday I got to tell two newcomers how the steps saved my life. How important this program is to me. That getting the right sponsor is a gift we should all experience.
I was told that night that one of the newcomers looked at me as one of the "others". That he didn't see himself capable of having the success and happiness that I had in my life.
I said "I understand" and I spent some time telling him how I was and how the steps had changed my life and if he had enough living a miserable life he could do the steps and start to experience the promises of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just like my sponsor had told me (Thank you D) and never in my wildest dreams did I think I would betting sitting there telling someone the same thing, with the knowledge and experience to know that it is true.
God has blessed me, and thanks to the steps I was able to find him to let him.
Thanks for letting me share.