How are you? I hope you are all doing wonderfully on this fabulous Friday.
I have something that is weighing on my mind and my heart, so I hope you will all bear with me as I share it.
I have 3 brothers. 1 older, and 2 younger. The older one hasnt been in my life for the last 12 or so years. My 2 younger brothers are a great deal younger, 22 and 24. I use to spend all my time and my money on them when I was in high school. As soon as I could drive I would take them up to McDonalds and buy them Happy Meals...it was $2.07 each! Such great times. I went to every sporting event. When I was pregnant with my 1st son (I was 23 so they were 13 and 11)...I had to be on bed rest for part of it and I cried the first few times I had to miss something they were doing. Then I had my next son and life was on its way to crazy parenthood. I always felt bad for missing out on things. My mom use to tell me its ok....they understand.
We have always of course shared the big events in life. But as they got older, they developed their own lives and time spent with them is getting less and less...I suppose its early preparation for when my kids grow up.
Anyway...I have always tried to share with them the trials and tribulations of my life...so that they can see that things only get harder the older you get.
Well....naturally I had to reside myself to the fact that they are going to just have to learn life the hard way...they are stubborn just like me!
My 24 yr old brother called me last night to tell me that he only needs 4 more classes to get his Associates degree...then on to the next step. These are 4 classes that he has taken 3 times already. He would always get 1/2 way through and get 'bored' with it. I told him that Sunday will be 60 days for me...and that if I can go 60 days without drinking...he can do this!!!
He actually agreed. I thought I was gonna fall out of my chair.
He then went on to ask me about AA. Ask me what someone has to do to go or be a part of it. I said 'if you want to go to learn about what I am doing you can join me at an open meeting' He said 'no, I think I might have a problem, I just dont know, but I know that I cant drink anymore, its not an option, and just saying no isnt an option for me either' I was totally caught off guard. I always knew that my brothers partied but they are very young, I never saw it as a problem. And this brother in particular...he has never had a problem telling someone no or to back off he isnt interested. But I also know that he has some minor bipolar issues. Never been medicated for it. Im not entirely sure if he needs medication...but I know he needs to have the tools to cope with life...none of us really learned that growing up. I see his personality and I realized that he gets a bit OCD about things...and if he doesnt have a full blown problem yet...he just might. But then again...he blew a full ride scholarship and a chance at the Olympics because he was drinking to much. Who am I to say if he has a problem or not? No one thought I did...only I thought I did!!!
With all the weird problems my family has....we are always open and honest and, in our own way-right or wrong, supportive of each other. Im glad he felt like he could talk to me....
He is going to go to a meeting with me tonight...he is totally against the HP thing...BUT he believes in Karma...so...I figure thats something greater than him...so...its a start. Plus...he would rather consider the possibility that there is something greater than him than slide down and 80 foot cliff full of razors bare butt naked...SO...its a start!
I am going to give him a BB, and have him read.
I am nervous as all get out...this is one of my baby brothers and I dont want to screw it up. I dont want to push to much or not enough.
I am sad also...I dont want him to have to feel the things and go through the things that I have. I know that doing the steps, would be so beneficial for him. And it would give him such amazing tools for the rest of his life. And who knows...maybe he could learn to deal with things so he wouldnt have to take meds. I dont know....
I just have so many things going on in my head...but I am very happy and proud of him for at least wanting to find out if he has a problem. I guess in looking at it and thinking about it...he does...he cant control the amount he drinks, his personality changes horribly...and he would actually try to make himself sick, so he could keep drinking! I guess I was more blind to my brother than to myself. Crazy.
I sent him the 20 questions of are you an alcoholic from this site I also sent him the medical definition.
It will be a very interesting night.
Thank you all so much for letting me get all that off my chest. Im sure I rambled on and jumped around on my ideas....
I appreciate and love all of you....