What is Love?

Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in 12 Step Recovery or 12 Step Programs
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Postby ROBERT » Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:34 pm

Great topic---Scott Pecks THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED is a fabulous book that goes deep into the subject--this is a book on spirituality--Love is not a feeling-- was such a foreign concept at one time--Thanks to the recovery community, books, God, I have a much deeper, broader, perspective on the issue. PECKS book is a must read.

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Postby Dallas » Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:34 pm

Hello Sunlight! I'll have to go find that post and read it...

Nice to see you, as always!!!


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Postby sunlight » Sun Aug 16, 2009 4:38 pm

This was in one of my meditations today and it seemed to apply.

Love is a force. It is not a result: it is a cause. It is not a product: it produces. It is a power, like money, or steam or electricity. It is valueless unless you can give something else by means of it. ___ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Sounds like action to me! :wink:

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Postby ROBERT » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:00 pm

Yes- Love is an action, cathexis is the pre-game warm up! Chow.....

garden variety
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Postby garden variety » Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:28 pm

What in THEE HELL is your @ss doing in place where it needs to be saved again?

Naw just kidding bro, I hope all is well. I've been getting myself repaired these days...again :roll:

Ahhhhh. LOVE.


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what is love

Postby LESLIE Mmm » Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:21 pm

Hey this my first post on this site.. I don't know if Dallas is still around or if the question of the topic is even being read. But I read a lot folks' responses and thought about what that old woman told you that you never did answer by the way.. so I am a younger old woman and this is what I think

Like the song The Rose I think Whitney Houstan sang it and one of the lines was Love is like a river...

When your a parent you love more than you did before you had children..

When you take for granted of something and loose it then you know what love loss

When your heart breaks and your eyes leak at that moment you may reach for God or the bottle and the Hand of AA is there to love you till you know what love is. No matter what.

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Postby Dallas » Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:11 am

Hello Leslie! Welcome to the site! I appreciate you sharing.

Yep. I'm still around... they haven't been able to run me off, .... yet! :lol: :lol:

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Postby Tim » Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:25 pm

Dallas wrote:Yep. I'm still around... they haven't been able to run me off, .... yet! :lol: :lol:


Who is "they"? Nobody who's posted here since I've been a forum member has tried to run you off. Besides, you're the forum administrator and web site owner.

I find that the forum can sometimes give me a different perspective that I hadn't seen before. Sometimes a perspective seems too narrow for the way I understand the AA program and practice its principles. Sometimes I respond to a post as I see it, sometimes not.

Sometimes I disagree with something that's been posted, then later I agree with it. Sometimes I agree at first, then disagree later. Sometimes I disagree and stay disagreed or agree and stay agreed. With any luck I don't become either too disagreeable or too agreeable to prevent my being right-sized and sober.

I'm still learning and still sober. And the forum administrator hasn't cancelled my membership or raised the monthly dues!

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Postby Ranman99 » Tue Jun 08, 2010 4:12 am

Love is a rose but you better not pick it. It only grows when it's on the vine. A handful of thorns and you'll know you missed it. You'll loose your love when you say the word mine! :?

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Postby etoiledesondes » Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:27 am

crickit wrote:Jeremy, you're not the only one. You don't sound confusing at all. I'm still learning how to love myself. I was raised in a very disfunctional family and love was not openly expressed. I have never so much as seen my mother and father hold hands or even talk to each other nicely for that matter. They are both gone now. It has been my experience that everytime I have opened myself up to allow someone into my life I've been hurt very badly. I learned along time ago to build that wall up around me. Unfortunately in doing that I shut myself off from my own children as well. Now I see my son doing the same thing. I'm learning now, one day at a time, to open myself up again and do not place any expectations on what I will receive in return but it's hard. Losing people who you love is very hard and I've learned to medicate those feelings because they were always too hard to deal with. That fear of abandonment still stays with me but at least now I'm facing it.

Because I'm not sure what it is like to receive it, I'm not even sure how to give it. I must say though, that when I go to an AA meeting with all the new freinds I have met I do honestly feel loved there. But there, I don't worry if that feeling is real or not. It doesn't matter. It just feels good.
My hubby still says he loves me all the time but he's leaving me. Still makes no sense to me. All I know is that he has his own inventory to deal with and if he needs to leave to be healthy and happy then I love him that much that I can let him go. I hold no resentment towards him for that although it does make me very upset that the marrage is over.
My son still does not speak to me and has been very nasty to me but he has his own inventory to deal with and I love him enough to give him his space. If not having me in his life makes him happy and healthy then I love him that much that I can let go. It hurts like hell sometimes because I have a new grandson too but I hold no resentment towards him and I will always be here for him.

Anyway, I really look forward to hearing the answer you received from that elderly lady. Don't wait too long to post it :D

The only thing I know for sure is that love can sometimes hurt but if you close yourself off from the hurt you close yourself off from the love too.

Bright Blessings,
I identified with you on this so much. Thank you. I too am having to learn how to love. I thought I was in love with my ex who has left me. I still do believe I am in love with her but the truth is I don't really know. I know I feel hurt and pain whenever I think of her which is almost everyday. Like your husband, she too is dealing with her own inventory and I certainly don't appear in her plans for the future. This saddens me. Not just because I have lost her but because we could never even be friends as we would (I think) drag each other down. This has been my experience of love right throughout my life. Pain and hurt. I am quite a newcomer so I pray that with acceptance this pain will ease and I might one day find love and actually realise what it is I am feeling before I lose it again. etoile des ondes

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