"Tonight I was at a meeting I rarley go to...the people."uggh"..."
I was talking to my sponsor last week about similar topic. And, he said to me "AA is no different anywhere it's all the same." It caused me to think:
a. Perhaps he didn't understand what I said.
b. It's been so long since he's been to some undisciplined and unstructured meetings -- that he's just not aware what's happening. Or,
c. Maybe, I'm all wrong about it. Or,
d. Maybe... it's all of the above.
I wish I new the truth about it so I would know if my experiences are being guided by my perception -- of, if there is a Higher part of me that says "You don't need to be around this crap."
Since, I'll probably never know the real truth about it... I've got to come up with some sort of a solution that works for me, so that I can approach it with a healthy attitude, healthy behavior, try to be non-judgemental, to show love & tolerance & kindness... and a demeanor that is conducive to my sobriety.
I can't fix the worlds problems. I can't fix some of AA problems in different meetings and groups. I have a hard enough time trying to fix me!
So... I surrender... on trying to fix anyone elses problems. It may sound like a cop out -- maybe it is -- or, maybe it's just an opt out!
There are some meetings and groups and AA's... that I've gone to or been around... and after just moments of being with them, after coming in very peaceful and serene... I feel like I'm thirsty, I want to fight or I want to run.
There are other times -- when my experience is just the opposite -- but, never the opposite, with those particular groups or meetings.
Our BB mentions about going to places where liquor is served... to ask ourselves if we have a legitimate reason for being there.
Sometimes, I have to use that same principle in regards to certain AA settings.
I admit -- I may be totally wrong on this -- and, very likely I am totally wrong on it. But, I have to take actions on where I'm at -- and not where I should be.
From what I've experienced... going to hundreds of different meetings... (not just the same one's over and over again, different ones)... there are some -- that have no resemblance to AA as I understand it, and as our book describes it. And, I feel like I have no legitimate reason for being there. I know that I'll be judgemental and it will be a difficult task for me to be tolerant and loving. The reason being: "I was looking for AA".
I don't want to bash them. Or try to tear them down, or try to fix them -- I just want out of there.