........JUDGEMENTAL......LETTING GO......

Experiences along the way that bring us closer to our Higher Power in 12 Step Sobriety and Moments of Clarity.
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Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:04 pm

Postby DiggerinVA » Sun Aug 16, 2009 7:19 am

ooo this is hitting on something that is very near and dear to me.

The meeting that sucks the life out of you, well that is how a friend of mine described it.

Well There is a meeting that is notorious in town, my sponsor asked me why I kept going. It was a good question. Well I had to figure out what was wrong with it. Yes give me a problem and I will kill myself to solve it, yes I'm sick. Well with about 6 Home group members with 15-35 years and a couple of others who have 3-8 years. Now there was one who I asked to be my sponsor, he declined because he had not worked the steps yet and he had about 4 years in. The ones with time just made me and others feel unwelcome. I got to witness what was wrong with the meeting about 6 months after I started there. That meeting about went to a fist fight. A visitor with 22 years laid them out in the end and answered my question. The hand of AA was not there. So when they held up their hands at the end of the meeting there was no feeling of welcome and truthfully the meeting is small enough a smile would suffice. One day I will return, it will be soon. After all I had some work to do. Oh the guy I asked to be my sponsor has begun to do the work. ;-)

PS That is not the meetings I took her to. And it took six months to figure this out. Boy am I slow;-)

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Postby gunner48 » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:20 am

I fully understand how it feels to sit in a so called AA meeting where I feel like I am in a bar where no drinks are being served. My sponsor use to call them BB meetings because they weren't AA. Day after day, week after week, month after month the same people talking about the same problem and how they were trying to turn it over to God. No mention on working the steps or getting with someone and finding a solution. Just Turning it over to God. If anyone mentioned a possible solution what I would hear is OH I can't do that.
I found it necessary to search out another group which meant I would have to travel 30 miles or so. Used to drive that distance for a drink so off I went leaving behind BB in the rear view window. Believe me no one at that group ever called to ask how I was. I go back now and again to see if anything has changed. Still the same people with the same problems.
My phone number is still on that groups phone list, and I am availiable if someone would like to talk. I do what I can but I must remember that if they want to recover the desire must come from within them. I can't force change in that group or any other.
Accept the things I can not change(that group)
Change the things I can (My Meeting group)
Wisdome to know the difference (Sane thinking)

Peace and Love

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Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:09 am

Postby ROBERT » Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:31 am

Boy it feels real nice to hear the truth, as I see it!......thanks people, I came to the conclusion, sorta as DALLAS wrote--but I will go to this meeting periodical to challenge my thinking, (can I shut down the committee), and just listen for any message, but above all treat others with respect regardless...there is the story of the man going to his shrink:Doc, I'm divorcing the wife, no more fun, the sparkis gone , I can't stand being around her-IT'S OVER. His shrink says do you really want to get back at her before you leave? YES-SIREE, OK then for the next 30 days treat her like a Queen, by her roses, take her to candle lit dinners, draw her bubble baths, etc, etc, then after 30 days tell her OH, by the way I'm leaving, then divorce her, that"ll really get her. Great I'll do it. A month later the man returns-Doc asks, Did you do it--OH yea the man replies-I took her roses, read her poetry, bought her poetry, gave her back rubs, took her to intimate places....SO, the Doc says, did you tell her, did you divorce her--DIVORCE HER, HELL NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT, I'M MARRIED TO A QUEEN! Doing the right things changes how we feel-our feelings catch up to our behaviors--so by going, from time to time, DOING the right things, I can move out and above those old judgemental thoughts that are of no use to me today....THANKS PEOPLE, Love ya"s :D

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Postby sunlight » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:12 pm

I am capable of the most heinous or sublime behavior. Boy, did I learn that the hard way! :oops: That's why I keep on taking the steps, either with a sponsor or by working with others - to decrease the former and increase the latter.

Bill laughed at the idea of one alcoholic judging another. I am really no better than the one that I'm putting down, & to allow myself to feel superior is a dangerous place for me to be.

But, let's face it - some meetings, and the quality of sobriety there, really sucks, in my sober opinion. So, I like and use the idea that applies to going where alcohol is being served, that was posted above. "Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground."

I've posted before how some meetings at my AA club have gotten so out there that longtimers are throwing things and making disparaging comments about people's mamas. :roll: I stayed away from the meetings for a while and had to pray about it and think it through.

When I returned I didn't criticize anyone, just shared the principles that I live by & that work in my life & proceeded to demonstrate them when I got lambasted! In time there was a definite change in the meeting! I think we know deep down when we're off the beam, and a gentle reminder that the beam is only a step away is usually helpful.

Stand your ground! I can't change anyone. But I can be a living example that alcoholic thinking and behavior can change and become a happy, loving, peaceful, fun-filled (add a million more adjectives...) thing. :D

When I reach for the sunlight, I'm among the stars! :mrgreen:

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