Aw, DUDE ! It get worse!
Monday I was in some kind of funk. Woke up totally unmotivated. Had lots to do, but no energy or "want to". The funny thing is that I kept trying to pray my way out of it, talk my way into getting off my fanny, "just do it". As hard as I tried to convince myself I should feel guilty for not doing anything, I just couldn't. I kinda enjoyed the break from worry, stress, being busy.
Yesterday, I woke up in very much the same mood. I thought, "Well, shoot ... I'll just do some mindless endeavor until I'm up to getting busy. So I folded a tub of laundry. Matching socks was the hardeset part of THAT.
"Hell, why don't I start another load while I'm doing this. No biggy. it does itself and I just need to remember to put them in the dryer before they start stinking ... maybe tomorrow. Bout out of socks and undies anyway."
While walking away from the washer I thought, "Hmph. Wouldn't take me a minute to just take the dishes out of the washer while I'm standing here doing nuthin."
Just mosying around the house I accidentally did ALL the frign laundry - 8 loads folded, hung, and put away, changed a light bulb, scrubbed some stains off the stove, took out the trash, put more dishes in the machine and put them away, too, put the groceries away off the counter, and EVEN TOOK A NAP!
I hadn't even noticed I was doing all that. I was actually walking around wondering how guilty I should feel for not doing anything I was SUPPOSED to be doing ... like WORK.
I have a joke with my wife when I finally do something she's been wanting me to do that came to mind once I noticed what I had done. "I have my moments. Don't get used to it."
That evening, I went to my Relapse Prevention group at my rehab center. I needed this meeting to discuss my lack of motivation. There's an intensity there that isn't at my other meetings I thought I might need to get out of my sloth.
On the way I got a call for a job Wednesday. COOL! Money IN
the bank! WORK !
As I sat waiting for the meeting, a couple of old-timers asked me if I would facilitate a Relapse Prevention group.
Uh ... me? (gulp) "Well, if you and HP think I'm ready for that, then ... sure, I'll do it." (reluctantly obeying my sponsor to never say no.)
Being grateful for the oportunity and a good group, I stayed for the meeting after the RP group. Great meeting! Acceptance was the topic.
After the meeting a newbie walked up and asked me to be his sponsor. My first sponsee.
By the time I got home and had considered the day, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and humility.
1 - How little effort it took to "accidentally" get so much done without intending to.
2 - As I did something else and intended to do something sobriety related, I got work.
3 - Going to get helped, I was used
to benefit other. That helped me better than I expected.
4 - Staying (when I usually leave) to express my gratitude to HP and the group, I again was used to benefit another alcoholic as well as myself - sponsoring.
Returning home, I found my wife sitting on the sofa staring at me with her jaw dropped. "What the hell happened here???"
"SSshhhh ... don't scare it away." "I don't know, honey ... it just kinda happened."
(here it comes) "Wow! I could get used to this!"
DAMMIT! "That which I greatly feared has come upon me."
Sorry that was so long. It was an extremely unexpected ultravictorious and non-stop blessing day that happened without ME, but TO me !
I see a Tim-the-alcoholic danger here. Now I'm going to LOOK for more mindless endeavor. Kinda takes the accidental wonder out of it, ya think? If I INTEND to accidentally do it, then ......... Ya see?
I think I'll just chalk this one up to a "Guess who done it." experience. (no guessing in MY mind.)
"Life is what happens while you're making other plans."
"Grace happens when you least expect it."
Thank God I'm an alcoholic!