- I never need to drink again!!

I never need to drink again!!




Experiences along the way that bring us closer to our Higher Power

I never need to drink again!!

Postby openminded » Sun Aug 07, 2005 3:48 am

Hey guys!

I saw the "Moments of Clarity" page and something came to mind....I don't ever have to pick up that damn drink!

A few days ago, i had a day full of INSANITY. And i created it all by myself. I just had a snap. It was like somebody took over and i was angry at the world, and all i wanted to do was drink to put myself out of the misery of worrying about relapsing.

The thing that scared me the most is that this is the first time in my 18 months (almost) of sobriety that i had an URGE to drink. Of course i've had thoughts, but this was one of those URGES, and it's scared me to death.

Ever since i got sober i've had trouble remembering that alcoholism is a thinking desease, and it doesn't matter how much i drank. I know i drank alot, but i always worry that i wasn't bad enough. Believe me....i WANT to have been bad enough, i WANT to be an alcoholic, i just worry that i was just being a stupid kid (i got sober at 17) and i was still so worried that by saying i'm an alcoholic is just me "creating excuses" and that i was really just a stubborn kid.

I talked about it to my sponsor (and about everyone else that would listen) and somebody pointed out to me that this may have been a turning point. I've worried so long that i haven't "earned" my spot in AA, like i'm an imposter. A very wise woman pointed out, though, that i didn't like the person i was when i drank, alcoholic or not, and i don't want to go back to being the person that i was when i drank!

Before i get to my "moment of clarity" i should clarify something from above. I didn't nessasarily WANT to drink, I felt that it was going to happen no matter what i did. That EVERYONE has a choice whether or not to drink....EXCEPT ME. Honestly, my desease is still pretty convincing, but i've been trying to remember that I do have a choice, and that i don't want to go back just for today.

ANYWAY....My moment of clarity....I was praying last night (let me remind you that since my "freak out" i've been very upset, mostly with myself, and i've been thinking about what happened and what i felt like and worrying myself almost to death constantly since then) and all of a sudden a feeling of relief came over me. I just KNEW for that split second, that i don't ever need to drink again. Even after i had forgotten, the feeling was still there. It didn't last long unfortunatly, but i had it! It was like my HP was restoring me back to sanity for that split second. It was ROCKIN.

That's all i have for now. I love you all. Keep Coming Back (for me, hahahahahahahaha I'm so selfish)
Openminded
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That's it

Postby 918gma » Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:24 am

By George you've got it. A moment of clarity. I thought for a long time that maybe I was the only one that understood what I was talking about.

I have had so many of them, and they are just awsome. All of a sudden for that one moment in time, all is right with the world around you. There's a peace that is just indescribable.

My most recent one is based on the staement that God is doing for me what I can't do for myself. I have had many things that I have strugled with before finally giving up and turning them over to God. When I leave it there, and don't take it back, at some point in time it becomes crystal clear to me that God has taken care of it.

Thank you for sharing with me and every one else.
918gma
 
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Location: Arizona

moment of clarity

Postby Rusty Zipper » Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:04 am

open, how you doing tonight? i was looking at what you and 918 wrote. you both talk of moments of clarity. just coming into the room's for the first time is for me the biggest one. the big prob. for me, and other D & Dr's is the "Self" ... you guy's i can be going along on a nice Pink Cloud roll, yup!, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooo!" the disease of "Self" come a knocking, my addiction, my alcholism, and all the other "Ism's. the doom'iac thinking in my head. the sabotogeiac, the fear'iac and on. i know it's the denial creeping in. maybe i'm cured. maybe one wont hurt. my life was not so unmanagible...... i say , or the Power Greather Than, say Bulls#$t. ... we have learned that by taking the wisdom of million's who have walked before us. that if we want it, we never have to drink again. so every once in awhile, i have to jump start my Moment of Clarity motor. ... the Power of Now, in the moment, One Day at a Time. and let's not forget Rule#62 dont take ourself's to Damm serious! :lol: we have to let go of "Self" xoxo to all Rusty ps, you have a bonus with you all the time. your name, "Openminded"
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Postby new2this » Tue Aug 09, 2005 1:53 am

Hi All!

Hope everyone is doing well and it's so great to read all of your stories. Made me want to share one of my own.

I remember the first time I ever acutally "felt" sober. I hadn't been sober long at all....in fact, I had spent a couple of decades or so drunk(Accckkkk.....I just aged myself!). Anyhoo, even while I was still drinking, my sponsor at the time was doing crazy things like making me go outside, or making me take a walk around the block, or take a walk in the park!

Then one day, very newly sober.....maybe 3 or 4 days......I was on one of those crazy walks in the park and I was told to do something that I will never, ever forget. Something that I thought was pretty friggin' silly until I did it. I was told to touch the trunk of a tree. Just to feel it. And this will probably sound weird, but in that moment, I felt something....anything......for the first time in a very, very long time. I hope that I will always remember what it felt like to touch that tree.

I remember feeling alive again. And feeling something else that was alive. It made my fingertips tingle and felt like it actually flowed through me. And, while I didn't know it then, that was probably my first sober spiritual experience as an adult. Maybe even my first real "Moment of Clarity". You would never have gotten me to admit it then, but I felt like something much bigger than myself was present . Huh, maybe it was that "Higher Power" that all those nutty AA people kept talking about!

Heck, after that I wanted to feel everything.......benches, the grass, rocks, live leaves, dead leaves, squirrels(they were't very cooperative, though!). :lol:

I owe all of you a big thank you. I have thought about that moment many, many times since it happened. I've even told a couple of people about it. But until tonight.... when I wanted to share that story..... I had never thought of that experience as being either spiritual or a moment of clarity. I had strictly thought of it as "being sober". Heck, I was actually typing this when I figured that out. All this time, I thought I knew when my first spiritual experience happened! I have a lot to learn. :oops:

Like the Book says....." We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us".

So, thanks to all of you for being the "us".......and for helping me stay sober another day! :D :D :D

And thanks, too, for helping me get another moment of clarity!

Take Care,

Cathy
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Csathy

Postby 918gma » Tue Aug 09, 2005 2:17 pm

Wow, I don't even know what to say. That must have been an awsome feeling for you. I could spend my whole life on the recieving end of moments like that. And to think you are still learning from it even today. That's one heck of a moment. Thank you for sharing. And for being a part of the us. We couldn't be us with out you.
918gma
 
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