Thanks for your caring concern. I really do appreciate it when someone cares enough to ask how I'm doing and really mean it. When I was drinking, the few people that were concerned were losing their concern quick - and I didn't care either. But today, I'm happy, joyous, and free today yet another day. I say that with truth, not because it's a "standard AA line". If I'm not having a good day, I know who the cause is and where to look - in the mirror. That "tool" is sometimes a mixed blessing, but its 100% better than avoiding or ignoring the problem.
Anyways - that "thought" clanged during my morning meditation yesterday. I think God as I understand Him wants my heart to be pure each day, so sometimes I might get an interruption from what might be "a rote prayer". Yes - I think it's necessary for me to ask Him for the Power to overcome the compulsion and tendencies to want to pick up a drink, but maybe yesterday was a reminder to give it a minute to go beyond "rote" and imagine life today without the blessing. Maybe it was like a "call" to not regret the past, but also not to shut the door on it. A realtime "get real" moment.
Lately, I've been working a recovery program and taking actions and probably re-doubling my efforts since the girl broke up with me. It seems the more I give (whatever it may be), the more that gets returned. Today, I have more "things" under my care than I ever had in my life - ever. I almost feel guilty - like I'm "spoiled" because the Giver keeps giving. I accept that I'm really only a manager over the "assets" in my possession and I do what I can learning to be a "steward' instead of an owner. I can't take anything with me, and these crazy Monks tell me to not become attached to anything.
And that's the irony, the less "attached" I try to be to "things", the more "things" keep showing up in my yard, house, driveway, etc. Today, I have every need met with "things" left over and the more I give away, and I mean literally give away like cars, computers, furniture - more "stuff" sneaks back that is even "bigger and better". I'm sort of befuddled about why, but I don't really give it much thought why. But I do enjoy these things then I try to pass them on to others instead of spending them all up for just me. I have a good time in life, and sometimes I forget that I can get miserable if "my will" takes the reign.
I was homeless once. I lost everything. I didn't know up from down from sideways. I was sick and shaking. I almost blew my brains out.
The "landscape" has changed so drastically from then today. And there is only one thing different today from back then.
Today I said a prayer and didn't pick up a drink. I owe this incredible life to the AA Recovery Program, the Fellowship, the Big Book, and a God of my understanding that I learned how to find today with your help.
It was a good to take a minute to really "think" about where the "good things" in life come from, and where they could go if AA were gone.
No doubt in my mind, "once an alcoholic - always an alcoholic." I have no defense against the first drink. In my own power, I'm doomed. If there is something to drink, I will drink it if I don't keep trudging this spiritual path of action.
It's a great day to be Paul today, and it looks like your having the same kind of day. I'll bet you're the best Anne the world has ever seen today!