I went to a meeting last night and it would have been a typical "God Meeting" as I like to call it. However, the people who shared, shared more on what they and God do together. I love meetings like that. It got me thinking of what I was like when I first got in and how lucky I was to have a sponsor share with me that God will not keep me sober. "LET GO AND LET GOD" that little saying has the potential to get me drunk or kill me or both.
When I was 3 weeks sober I found out that I had HEP B , my liver enzymes were high, I was bloated, jaundice, and a paper cut would send a red streak up my arm and get so infected I would have to go on antibiotics. I was more sick than I had ever been in my life, and pretty sure that was how I was going to die. Liver failure was going to get me and I had no right to expect different, I had drank too much for my body to handle. During that time my sponsor would tell me over and over to handle what was in front of me with grace. With God's help I learned to do just that. I lived day by day, for 5 months with as much grace as I could. There were so many days that I wanted to "let go and let God" then I didn't have to worry about it, God would handle it all. But, my alcoholic mind, especially at less than 6 months sober, did not know how to find the balance to let God handle it and me not. If any one at that time in my life would have handle it I would have handed it over and went to bed, covered my head and wait for it to go away. What I learned during that time is a lesson I still use today, I ask for God to give me the strength to handle what's in front of me then I get off my ass and do the actions that produce the results. I found out 6 months after the initial diagnoses that my body cleared the Hep, my enzymes were back to normal and my body started functioning normal again. I was going to be ok. Was it a God thing? I think so. Did I work my ass off to stay sober and do the next right thing during that time? You betcha.
I can turn God into an enabler faster than hell. I like enablers they helped me drink for years, and I was a master at putting them in my life at just the right time so I could let go and let _____ fill in the blank. Today.....I have learned the discipline ( well learning the discipline ) to take care of myself, with God giving me the strength to do so. He is not going to do it for me and that is a gift in itself.
Thanks for letting me share.