Am I suffering from Grandiosity or just keeping it simple.

Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery
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Am I suffering from Grandiosity or just keeping it simple.

Postby sober789 » Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:46 am

In AA meetings I have a tendency to focus on the solution of AA , I don't dwell on problems or find excuses for them , I just focus on the program of recovery , the 12 steps , and anything positive I have learnt myself about Alcoholism. The reason for this being - I believe in the solution.
However sometimes when I talk I come across as "Preachy" or " Mr. Know it all" or a person not considerate of other peoples feelings or problems.
I don't mean to , but it just comes out this way . Whether my background in sales might have something to do with it, I'm not sure . I am aware of this sometimes and I try to tone it down as much as I can. But I am who I am :)

Here is an example , not on 12 steps but the BS people believe about what Alcohol does for them.
" Alcohol gave me courage so that I could go up to a girl in a bar and talk to her , - what a load of crap , Alcohol gave me nothing , if it did give me courage it was false courage, Alcohol doesn't give you anything, all it does is takes away your anxiety and fear by inebriating you , i.e. making you feel less anxiety and fear. Alcohol is a drug , a liquid tranquilizer , same class of drugs as Benzos. It's job is to make you feel less of everything including fear , anxiety , stress and esp. the fear of rejection in this situation.
The fact is you can get real and permanent courage (or confidence which is probably the more correct term) on how to approach women in a bar by getting some training, practice and investing in yourself - e.g buy a book on the subject and read, ask a professional , take care of your physical appearance i.e. wear nice clothes , shave and comb your hair etc and try approaching a girl, sure you will get a few knock backs , but you'll learn from that experience, and after a while you'll get good at it , by knowing what to say etc and hence become confident " , No need for alcohol. "

So here is the question : Am I suffering from Grandiosity or just keeping it simple. Even I am confused.

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Postby Dallas » Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:24 pm

We seem to have a few things in common... "we're wired backwards!" :lol: :lol:

You go to a meeting and you want to hear solutions. I understand.
It's the law of attraction at work: we manifest what we think about.
If we think of problems -- we get more problems.
If we think about solutions -- we get more solutions.

I understand. :wink:

I don't think you have a grandiosity problem. Maybe, just blunt, frank, to the point, brutal honesty. And, many folks can't handle that. They're often used to people telling them lies to try and please them... so that "they will be liked." :wink:

Another way that we may relate in the "wired backwards"... perhaps when you hear a "why" you'll automatically think of "why not". You probably think of many alternatives and solutions, like "thinking out of the box" rather than being stuck. I understand. :wink:

What I had to do was: learn to be more patient. Learn to understand that often when I'm dealing with someone that is in adult body -- I'm often also dealing with a 3 year old.... (especially around alcoholics). Our book and our literature explain it as "we all have a tendency to be childish." :lol: I know that's true for me. And, I often observe it in others. (Is is: if you spot it you got it... or had it?) :wink:

I don't think it's a good idea for us to take ourselves so serious that we beat ourselves up -- over the good things about us. Your focus on the solution, is a good thing. Let others see the solution working in your life and wait for them to ask you "what's your solution?" That, too, will work.


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Postby DiggerinVA » Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:43 am

I prefer the solutions too.

It bug's me to be talking to someone who is afraid to go fishing, because he might drink while fishing. I'm sorry I want to live. The 12 steps allow me to live.

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Postby GeoffS » Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:48 pm

Isn't it suggested that we share about what it was like (the problem) what happened and what it is like now (the solution).

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Postby Dallas » Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:04 am

The BB refers to it as "what we were like" rather than "what it was like." I believe there is a difference.

If we didn't have a problem with alcohol -- then, why are we in an AA meeting?

If I have a flat tire... I'm not really interested in hearing stories of other peoples flat tire. Tell me where to get a patch, a new tire, a tow truck, some air, and give me a jack... and if the jack doesn't work... tell me how you got your wheel lifted so that you could change your tire.

When I was new in AA, it used to frustrate me sitting in a room listening to a bunch of whiners complaining about how alcohol beat them up. I was decaying rapidly... hoping that someone would come along and tell me how they stayed sober.

"How did you not pick up the next first drink?" That's my problem. I know what happens after I pick up the drink. Will someone tell me how to not pick up the next first one??? That was what I was desperate to know.

Fear will not keep an alcoholic sober. Fear will not keep me from picking up the next first drink. Self knowledge doesn't help much either. I tried that and the more I learned about me -- the more self-aware drunk I was. I needed someone that could tell me what to do to recover. "What have you done to stay sober?" Let me know... so that I can try it and see if it works for me.

Imagine how productive some meetings could be, if 90 percent of the meeting was focused on the solution?

We attract and manifest what we think about. If we're thinking about the problem -- we'll get more of the problem. If we're thinking about the solution -- we'll get more of the solution.

The real magic that happened for me, I believe, was when I made a decision that rather than focusing on "how not to drink"... I began to focus on "how to stay sober." While staying sober, it's obvious that I can't drink. I already know that. Now, I need to know what actions I can take to "stay sober" and to pursue "sobriety."


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