Today I got some of the worst news that Iâ€™ve had in sobriety, and in all my life.
Saturday before last, I had to take my best friend and Spiritual Buddy in to the Vet to check out some lumps on her breasts. Tuesday before last, the Vet did surgery. And, today the lab results came back with the bad news. My little dog that Iâ€™ve had for about the last 12 years has an advanced stage of breast cancer, that Vetâ€™s have not been very successful in turning around. It has been a tough day. Iâ€™ve cried most of the day since I talked to the Vet. And, I just feel all broken apart inside. Iâ€™ll never forget the day that she showed up on my porch looking like a little lost blond baby. Scared. Shaking. Cold. It was about this time of year in the winter. I fell in love with her the minute that I saw her. I knew that I had to do the right thing and try to find her home and help her get back to it, because I was positive that who ever had her before she showed up on my porch would have to love her as dearly as I did. I posted flyers on telephone poles, in the super markets, called the pound, the animal shelter, and placed ads in the newspaper trying to find her owner. No one ever called. She was a tiny puppy then, with her little puppy teeth. Every time she would lose one of her puppy teeth I would save it. For the first two years of her life, she wouldnâ€™t go to anyone other than myself. She would have nothing to do with people, yet she would chase a cat just to kiss it. She taught me love and how to love. She taught me how to care in the innermost parts of my being. She taught me tolerance and patience and reminded me to always be kind. She became like my daughter. My sponsor. My Spiritual Advisor. My Prayer and Meditation Partner. She always knew when I was going through difficult times, without ever needing to tell her. She knew when I needed a meeting for myself and when I was going to meetings for others. As much as she disliked being left alone and having me leave without her, she seemed to know how important it was for me to go to my AA meetings, and to make 12 Step calls. She often would get so excited when I was working with a newcomer or coming home from a 12 Step call, as if she was asking me â€œhow did it go? did they decide to get sober?â€