- Hmmmm! living amends?

Hmmmm! living amends?




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby Dallas » Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:24 am

Hello Jason, I'm glad you asked the question, too! It helped me a lot and I really appreciate you. It became a topic to some people I talked with today. And, produced one of those "is it God -- or is it Odd" moments for me today, also. It became a similar example about what I was sharing above.

A lady send me an email to let me know that she was taking some of the worksheets that I put together for the 4th Step, into Soledad Prison, in California.

Gee. I haven't been there since I was 25 years old! :lol: When I was there, they had a special place called Soledad North, that was an Adjustment Center for the youngsters that were too young for San Quentin's B Section... because they considered us "trouble makers." (It used to be referred to as Gladiator School... I guess you can imagine, it wasn't a very loving, peaceful and serene environment). :lol:

One of my living amends, was to promise myself and God, that if God would help me... I would do everything within my power to stay sober and to never set another foot inside a jail again! :lol:

My sponsor at the time was very involved in H&I (Hospitals & Institutions) and Corrections work, and suggested that I get involved in AA Corrections service work, as well. Since, I promised God, I'd do my best to stay out of jails... it was a real challenge for me. I figured the same principles would apply... one drink is too many... and one foot in jail is too often! :lol: So, I opted out of corrections, and instead got involved in AA's H&I work. My drinking never took me to a nut house. I qualified -- but, they took me to jails instead. :lol: And, I figured "Well, I'll try the nut houses, now that I'm sober!" :wink: (I'm the kind that hates to miss out on anything, expecially if it can get exciting!) :wink:

So, two nights per week... I had Hospital and Institution panels where I would go in with some other AA's and have a meeting for those in the hospitals and institutions.

My favorite places were the locked-down adolescent mental health units. They ranged in age from 10 to 17. And, I just loved being with them... it was hard to leave! The majority of them were well on their way to being alcoholic... but, like me, in a way, they got locked up. Of course, their scenario was a little different, too. They would do stuff like try to kill themselves... and people noticed it. (They don't notice it as much if you're just trying to drink yourself to death).

Got to run... my pups barking to go out and pee.

I'll finish later.

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Postby Dallas » Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:02 am

Back now. When dogs got to pee they got to pee! :lol:

When I would look into the eyes of the kids in the locked down units -- I so identified with them. They were trying to kill themselves because of the pain and torture they felt inside. When I was their age -- I turned to alcohol to try and survive and find a way to live with the pain and torture inside. I hoped and prayed that something I might say or something that someone I brought with me on the panel might say -- something, that would click, and be of help to them... so that they didn't have to end up in places like I ended up... before they got help.

I had some kids of my own when I was still drinking. And, after I got sober I was trying to do everything I could to make amends to those kids -- and hoping, that if I tried to help someone elses kids, too, that someone in turn, would be there for my kids... when they needed it, if I couldn't do it.

I was making some progress with the amends to my kids, but, then, my oldest son started hating me... for being a weak puke in AA and staying sober. He said I used AA as a crutch. That I wasn't the man I used to be while drinking. When I was drinking, I had lots of dough, all the toys, and some fame and reputation for all the wrong reasons. He felt I should dump AA and get back in the fast lane. He was embarrassed to have a weak puke of a dad -- using AA as a crutch. :lol:

So, he took it on himself... to spend much of his time in turning his brothers against me. And, he has been pretty successful in his efforts.

BTW: If you're reading this Sunlight, this is an area where I identified with Chuck C. He had a son that became a famous actor... and had a TV show, being a doctor that helped people on TV. And, he hated his dad, Chuck C., for becoming a weak puke in AA. :lol: Of course, in real life -- Chuck C. was helping hundreds of thousands of people, and he still is, even though he died in 1984. Ranman is reading one of the books that was written from the talks that Chuck did at the Pala Mesa Men's Retreat.

My kids never did accept my amends and they still don't to this day. One of the kids... btw, when he was a baby... me and his mother used to take him camping with us in Mt. St. Helen's Oregon! :lol: Small world.

My sponsor told me to let it go. I offered the amends and they didn't accept it. And, to keep busy in my life trying to help other kids. That's what I still do -- in a way, of "making living amends"? :wink:

They decided they didn't want me as a dad... so I try to be a dad where I can... like with my dogs. When they got to pee... they got to pee! :lol:

Thanks for the topic. I feel like it was just for me!

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Postby Ranman99 » Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:10 am

Thanks Dallas! It's just a bloody strange old universe we live in but hey :)

It's good to get some of the scoop around the scoop. Just FYI I was listening to the Chuck C. meeting that he wrote the book from. All 6 parts are on:

www dot xa-speakers dot org and search a new pair of glasses.

I have been going through Sandy Beach, High Tower, Don C. The stuff from the Iceland retreat. Eatin' it all up like candy. As Earl says I sure am glad I caught this buzz.

A friend is going to give me the book next week and another one about the story between Father Ed and Bill.

I will say it again and again I never ever refused that drink when the urge hit me ever. This time in the program the craving has been lifted everyday since I walked back in and just for today hasn't been back for 312 days but one day at a time.

There is something odd about that for sure. Makes me think the next lesson in research would be kinda especially bad 8)

Ciao,
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Postby DiggerinVA » Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:17 pm

Amends
Amends (e-mèndz´) plural noun.
1) Compensation for an injury; recompense; satisfaction; equivalent; as the happiness of a future life will more than make amends for the miseries of this.
Synonyms: Reparation, restitution, restoration, compensation.


From:Webster’s Universal Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language.
World Syndicate Publishing Company of Cleveland, Ohio and New York, N.Y.

Published in 1937, one year prior to the writing of Alcoholics Anonymous.
(A few definitions are from other contemporary dictionaries as noted.)

Sometimes it is worth while to look at what the words ment. It has almost become Apology by modern usage. The usage of the term fits the usage of the term "Living Amends". A personal example for my self would fit that not apology would suffice the damage my son received, But a change in my behavior over my remaining life may rebuild the damage done.
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Postby Dallas » Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:19 pm

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you! :wink:

Ranman: Yep. They got some awesome talks at xa-speakers. What a blessing it is to have the benefits of those alkies service to us all! There are some great videos on YouTube. I had a place here on the site with videos of Bill W., and Father Martin, and a few others. I had to take it off, because some hacks figured out how to crack the software and one day I was notified by some important folks -- that it was possible for someone to paste a link in the address of the software, and get spam videos to show up instead. Hopefully, I'll get that fixed soon and we can have more videos here. I was working on another site, to develop SobrietyTV .com and the idea was to have people in recovery do their own videos to upload and share their recovery stories with others in recovery, and to have pod casts for an Internet recovery radio that people from all over the world can participate in. (Future work. For when I get caught up on my day job!) :lol:

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Postby sunlight » Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:53 pm

Chuck C. also had an irritation with his son, Richard, because he did not understand his lifestyle. Then, with his new pair of glasses, Chuck saw that his son was not unlike himself. :shock:

Just got done reading an awesome, if somewhat technical, book called Field Notes on the Compassionate Life. It's not AA, but a fascinating read nonetheless. The basic premise of it is that all of life is connected, from the lowest form to the highest.
One part that really blew me out of the water was an experiment that was done by putting electrodes into a bowl of yogurt (which contains live bacteria) and then bringing someone into the room & having that person cut his finger and yelp in pain. The monitors on the yogurt actually registered a high reaction to the person's pain!

Now, if yogurt can feel empathy to another's pain, what the heck is wrong with me when I see someone suffering and do nothing? Better polish up that action. :wink:

Also, the good I do for one, I do for all! Ain't it grand? :D
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Postby Ranman99 » Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:15 pm

Ya those are some good ideas. Like I've said before I appreciate this site a lot! Good place to bounce ideas and keep it top of mind. The TV idea would be cool. Especially with folks scattered all over the globe that can have a virtual home group!!! I think it would be good to eventually have video conference meetings as well I suppose when the time is right!!

Have a good day. :)
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Postby Dallas » Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:21 am

I'm working on it. Want to help? I can use all the help I can get. :wink:

Sunlight, that sounds like a really good book. How about send me a PM with the authors name, etc. I'd like to read it.

When I first got sober, I watched a documentary on PBS, that Stevie Wonder was in, (mostly for his music part)... but the film was on the connections that plants have with other plants and with people. Wish I could remember the name of it. I'd like to get a copy.

BTW: "Now, if yogurt can feel empathy to another's pain, what the heck is wrong with me when I see someone suffering and do nothing?"

Nothings wrong with you. You got more brain cells than the bacteria! :lol: There are times -- when to do something for them -- can be the wrong thing to do. I know that it was with me. I needed to have my finger cut, my shins and chin bruised, and get into a ton of pain... so that I'd take action. If someone came along with some Bactine... well, I'd have probably cut my leg, then. :lol:

For me, the real question has always been, "when I see my self suffering and do nothing -- what the hecks wrong with me?" :lol:

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Postby Ranman99 » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:42 pm

Count me in on anything I can do from here Dallas.

I liked the Sandy Beach I heard a while back where he is talking about watching the guy who goes to court for something that he did while drinking and the judge doesn't punish him but lets him off easy. He says all the AA's that are working the program look at that and go darn a missed opportunity for the poor bloke to get a good trashing that might make him do the right thing and open up to getting on with it in the program.

In my experience I never gained too much from all the times I got away with it :D :) :lol: :twisted: :twisted:
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:50 am

I understand. :lol: :lol: But, deep inside... I wish I could still get away with it! :lol:

That's the only bummer that I can think of -- about staying sober for a long time. The longer we're sober, the more responsible and mature we have to act. (Act as if I was responsible and mature! :lol: ) And, we watch the new guys and girls... getting away with what would kill us if we tried it! :lol:

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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Hmmmm! living amends?