- Where do you start with Step 4

Where do you start with Step 4




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Where do you start with Step 4

Postby EileenUK » Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:16 am

Taken 4 Days off from work got the work sheets down loaded and the Pen as has been suggested, Big Book and Hazelden work books.
Where do you start from when you were a kid then onwards or from now back wards or from family outwords ? Any help would be appreciated. I am 6 months sober from the UK. Many thanks :?: :?
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Postby DiggerinVA » Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:24 pm

If you can think of it (IE it bothers you in the least little bit) list it.
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Step 4

Postby EileenUK » Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:56 pm

Thanks Digger will do.
Kind regards
E
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Postby GeoffS » Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:40 pm

Where do you start with Step 4?

Once you're done with step 3.

Have a look at the posting in this section down below "A step 4--NOW HAS ALL 4 COLUMNS"

that may help.

basically start with the people you are mad at and take it from there, doesn't have to be in any lifetime order, just get to it!

Also reading the Big Book, page 63 is all the supporting literature you'll need to do it right. Other stuff from various places is available, and its all great too.

Just do it. Engage in the process, have some sort of experience with it, and change through that experience.
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Postby Dallas » Sat Nov 14, 2009 5:37 am

Most of the important info that I needed for Step 4, I found in the info for Step 3, from pages 61 through 63, Big Book. Since, Step 3, for me, was about "making a decision to change" ... it helped me to know what needed to change in me, when I was ready to write my 4th Step. And, it let me know ahead of time -- that without God's help, all my efforts to change would fail. I can't do it alone or on my own. I need to do all that I can do, make the effort, and do the work, and it's God's power that brings about the change... that I'm powerless to change.

My suggestion: Pray to whatever God or Power that you believe there is. And, ask for help and guidance -- specifically, for the task that you want to do. I've discovered that this is the best place for me to start with anything that I do. It's easy to forget that my real answer is to trust and rely on God... that when I made my decision in Step 3, I understood my contract with Him... that He will be in charge. My new employer and my Director.

With the wonderful support system of AA, what it is today, and so many meetings, and tapes, and worksheets, and helpful aids to our "doing the work"... it's easy to forget... to pray... and to ask for guidance... and to remember and keep formost in my mind... that God is the solution for all my problems and the source for all my life and living.

BTW: Welcome to the site! My sight is undergoing a stuggle -- and it's why I haven't welcomed you to the site sooner! 8)


Dallas
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Postby albertawind » Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:34 am

Remember that Step 4 is a "searching" and "fearless" moral inventory. It doesn't have to be all negative stuff. My sponsor suggested that at the end of the day, put down some positive things. You don't want to go to bed at night with a whole bunch of negative thoughts in your head!
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Postby DiggerinVA » Sat Nov 14, 2009 12:24 pm

Remember inventories are about pluses and minuses, The old guard used a spreadsheet (it was printed in the Grapevine)


The Authors of the Big Book wrote

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.


Copied from a post from Angel143:

Daily Moral Inventory

Liabilitites Assests
watch for...... strive for.........

self pity......................................................self forgetfulness
self justification..........................................humility
self importance..........................................modesty
self condemnation......................................self evaluation
dishonestly................................................honesty
impatience................................................patience
hate.........................................................love
resentment...............................................forgiveness
false pride.................................................simplicity
jealousy....................................................trust
envy.........................................................generosity
laziness....................................................activity
procrastination...........................................straightforwardness
insincerity.................................................positive thinking
vulgar, immoral........................................high minded, spiritual
trashy thinking..........................................clean thinking
criticizing..................................................look for the good
eliminate the negative accentuate the positive

This is from a card printed by the Akron inter group (pre-conference) and is a great example of the lists that were used. You can use lots of different list Dr Bob I believe used the seven deadly sins as a basies.

Remember it is a inventory, not a how bad of a person was I.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:03 am

If I remember correctly, the Step 10 Inventory is the only inventory that suggests the positives and the negatives.

In Step 4, my purpose was to "find out what was blocking me".... to discover the things in myself that needed to be removed... and I needed a list of my harms done to others, so that I could make amends and restitution... my Ego needed to be smashed, so that I could realize that self-reliance, and all the good stuff about me... including self-knowledge, were not the solution. I discovered in Step 3, that even when I was being good and doing good... I was screwing up.

Maybe I was wrong. But, that's the way I understood it from what I read in the BB.

I'm glad that the Step 4 Inventory is not suggested to do every day or to practice it every day! Or, else... I would never have been able to see the good stuff that would contribute to a healthy sense of self-worth... which the Step 10 Inventory seems to focus on. Keeping an eye out for when I do screw up so that I can make amends quickly... but, for the most part, focused on positive growth and understanding and progress.

Thanks for the info and for the sharing! Helps keep me reading the book and I appreciate it!

Dallas B.
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Postby DiggerinVA » Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:19 am

Businesses look for what is both saleable and non-saleable. The three columns is the analysis phase. Remember the Nameless Bunch of Drunks were a bunch of Wall Street types.

The important thing about an inventory is the removal of the unsalable portion. For carrying it is where the failure occurs.

It can be done on a spreadsheet or a long handed letter. The important thing is we realize what is wrong and it is disposed of. We do get to keep the good.


Now the 10 step to me is 4,5,6,7,8,9 and 3 on a daily basis.

The Authors of the Big Book wrote:

This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.


I could break it down, but it is all there. Bill sure did not like to repeat stuff. Says the same thing in a different way.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:31 pm

Curious and could use your help. And, I appreciate your help in advance. Thank you.

Can you point me specifically in the instructions in Chapter 5, for actually doing the 4th Step, where we are instructed to list any of the good stuff? I've looked and looked but I can't find it. Sometimes, I don't see things unlil later on and this could be one of those times. Which column do I put the good stuff in?

Also, in the specific instructions for Step 10, would you mind pointing out for me where I can find the info instructing me to make another decision, as in "making a decision" (the same one in Step 3, that I made) on a daily basis or even making the decision more than once? That's one that I've searched for also and I used to do it that way until a group pointed out to me that the 12 Steps layed it out for me to make that decision once, and that the following steps were to keep me from changing my mind and going back on my decision... so that I wouldn't ever have to do it again, unless I drank again, and was starting once again from Step 1.

They showed me that in Step 3, I was only making a decision to do something... and in Steps 4 through 9, I was doing what I made a decision to do in Step 3.

Kind of like, if Step 3 was, I was a frog sitting on a log, and in Step 3, I made a decision to jump into the water. They said that Steps 4 through 9, is the jumping in the water... and they asked me, if I made the decision to jump in the water ... why would I continue to make a decision to jump in the water after I was already in the water?

I never could figure out a good answer to give back to them and I couldn't find anything in the book to show me that I should continue to do it like I was doing it in the past.

It's kind of like, if I made a decision to go to Disneyland... and I went to Disneyland, why would I made another decision to go to Disneyland, if I didn't leave Disneyland?

Another reason that illustration made sense to me was: a. In the 10th Step, it starts out with "you have now entered the world of the spirit." (Entered the world of the spiritual life -- of living out my decision that I made to enter the world of the spirit (in Step 3) when I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.

Also, in Step 10, the instructions indicate that God gave my will back to me after He over-hauled it.... and that I'm supposed to use my will.

It's kind of confusing for me, to think in terms that I give my will to God, He then gives it back to me, and then I say "Nope God. You're wrong to give it back to me, so I give it back to you."

Please help!

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