Missing life

[angel143]

Well...its day 157...and its taken me 157 days to finally see whats really important.

I know that sobriety is!!! Thats my number one priority. But I mean the rest of life.

I found out that my divorce wasnt really a divorce...so im going through that again. I was told I have MS. Moved. Im struggling everyday with so many things. But I can handle all of that. Thats just a part of life. You have deal with the bad stuff to get to the good stuff...and the good stuff is SO worth it.

But what I realized is that I have been surviving. Not living. My brain has been so foggy for the last 5 months. I messed up a lot of things, and I finally see that.

I met someone early in my sobriety. I hadnt felt that way about someone in a long time. He was a true gift in my life and he helped keep me sober. He taught me so much. Just the sound of his voice would be so calming. Then...I scared myself. I started back with same self destructive thoughts...and figured if I did things to push him away...then it would be better for him. Thats not a way to live. And I regret it, more than anyone could know...I regret it.

I havent had a drink...but for the last couple months...I realized that I wasnt sober...I was just simply not drinking.

I am trying to work on my self destructive thoughts... look at the other side of things... or as someone once told me... just dont do it!

I miss this site and everyone here I miss me...and I miss him. At least for now...I can have this site, and work on me.

Thank you for letting me ramble. I just needed to do that.

I love you all...
Heather

[Dallas]

Congrats on your continued sobriety Heather! Nice to see you on the site again. One thing about problems I've discovered... they're always changing! We're never stuck with all the old problems and we can always look forward to being refreshed with some new ones! And, in between the problems, we always get a few great experiences.

Dallas

[angel143]

Hi Dallas

Missed you.

Its the in between great experiences that I messed up... but... I can only keep moving forward and hope for more great new experiences.

H

[Rebos]

Heather,
When I first talked to you, I was at a beginning point of my sobriety. I was fresh out of rehab, and needing a friend to talk to. Not knowing me, did not matter to you. You still took the time, out of your busy schedule to talk to me. I truly think that you were the angel put in my path at that time. I am truly happy to know that you have continued your sobriety. I know from talking to you, that you are a strong and wise person. I just want you to know that if you ever need a friend to talk to, I am here. I have 43 days sober today, and it seems to get easier with each day.
Thanks for being that Angel,
Rebos