I need advise - a woman has died

[Msbabbit]

A local radio personality has died ( not sure yet if the bottle won) but am having issues with how another local personality that has over 27 yrs sober has chosen to PUBLICLY 5th step his experiences with this woman...He has literally shared every horrid act he witnessed this woman committed while drinking... I have been sober many years and haven't been to a meeting in many years but i still hold fast to the programs principles ... My question is i guess- is Is He right in doing this? I am literally in shock.

[DiggerinVA]

Whether he is right or wrong is not the question. You can not control his actions only yours.

You have started to let go of the resentment of his behavior. Take it to God for your guidance. I suspect you will find the high road being a better path for your self.

[Msbabbit]

Yes You are correct and I know it to be true in my heart - but i just found the lack of human compassion for this womans family so appalling as well as his smug arrogance revolting- he actually came across as he was above this woman because his ability to be rigorously honest with himself.... i 100% agree with hard core tactics for the LIVING, I do-had it not been for "How-shoe Sue" taking me under her wing when i first walked in the doors of AA some 16 yrs ago , i would never of understood what they were talking about...lol.. see the other wonderful ladies were telling me all the pretty stories of how " i could save my marriage and it wasnt that bad if i just sobered up ..blah blah blah" -I can still see Sue laughing her ass off asking them " why are you females lying to this child'? If she is anything like us- she has drank everything she has ever loved away and its very possible she WONT get that life back- but she can get a new life... The rest is history...so i understand Tuff Love - but this woman is dead and the only people left to deal with it is her family & friends - Maybe what pisses me off dont have anything to do with The Program - maybe its just what i consider to be common decency..*sigh* .. I shall let it go now... lol... Thank You so very much tho for your response.. I really appreciate it.

[ccs]

Hi Msbabbit I`m cessie an alcoholic I`m sorry for the loss of this Woman maybe kind words about her from others will help her family to drown out the unkind words of this person

the way I see it is like Digger said we are only responsible for our own actions

but for me sometimes it is still hard not to get Pissed off at ASs****ls

and I also believe that SOME ARE SICKER THAN OTHERS!!! and that years of sobriety are just numbers its not the Quantity of sobriety its the QUALITY!!

B.B. Pg 67
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

LUV-2-ALL your sister in sobriety
Cess

[tim-one]

What an awful thing, MsBabbit.

I'm sad for you and your friend's family. And I understand your angst. Seen it. Been there. It's a struggle of mine, too.

I've lost a few friends to this disease in the last couple of months. I've also lost friends who won. It's been put to me that, "He who dies sober wins." That's the only solid goal-line in this thing. Bless her heart.

It's also been put to me that we are not changing from bad to good. We're changing from false to real. As is evident in my crowd, "if you're really a jerk, you'll just become a sober jerk. At least you'll be honest about it".

Most of us who realy work this program find out that we're really not bad. Our goodness has just been overpowered and overwhelmed. (Step 1)

I've also seen people take the "rigorous honesty" thing to that level. I see some who think the rigorous part is meant to bludgeon other people with. Not so for me. I have to be rigorously honest with myself. For others, a lot just needs to stay unsaid, prayed through to change my own attitude toward them and that HP will heavilly bless them ... for real. I'm into tolerance of others. Rigor is for ME and me alone.

In cases like this, I have to turn my anger into resolve that I will not be judgemental. I will not only stay sober, but I will strive for sainthood by practicing the AA principles. THAT'S a long row to hoe !

The second paragraph in the 12/12 "Step Seven" hit me with a life-goal where it says, "Nearly all AA's have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality (humility) than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy".

I may be humble enough to stay sober, but not enough to live truly happy.

It's guys like that one who convince me that true happiness can come from purposely placing myself below the lowest person in the room ... humility is a choice. If I don't, I'm convinced life will put me there against my will ... humiliation is forced. I know I'll never be truly happy with that possibility hanging over my head.

Thank God, I have the power to choose these days !

Well ... you probably didn't need all that. I appreciate the spiritual exercise. I appologize for using your grief to preach to myself. Thanks. I needed that today.

Bless your heart.

Love y'all,
Tim1

[ROBERT]

I have had to hit many bottoms in this journey....after having the awakening from the 12 steps, emotional sobriety has been a painfull process. I followed a few simple rules, kicked and screamed at times, rolled up my sleeves and kept stumbling forwards, this too shall pass.