- A simple and easy meditation that works for me

A simple and easy meditation that works for me




Meditation - a powerful tool for recovery!

Postby MichalF » Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:47 am

Hello knny913
Nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Postby MichalF » Tue Dec 08, 2009 11:52 am

Often I stay at crossroads and I ask" where I should go? what I should do? This moment sometimes I could feel a cool breath, dim shadow. It is fear. What will happen if i choose wrong way? What will happen If I choose right and then I will not find enough strenght to deal with it.
And so many questions which frustrate me.

I have received independent mind in exchange instinct.

May be instinct is what Animals connects with HP?
Who knows?
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Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:18 pm

Yes. Who knows? :wink:

For me, uncertainty is part of human. Perfectly imperfect.

I was once told that the word human, had it's roots as:
the ancient "hu" (for God) and "man" (not God). Or, as God, something that is perfect, living inside man, something that is not perfect.

On my first quest to discover for myself "who or what is God as I understand Him" -- it was suggested to me that it was important that my understanding of God, had to be genuine, in the since of "no, this is not something I believe and understand because someone else told me so, it is because of what I have discovered myself."

I was at a total loss. Didn't know where to start. And, my first sponsor suggested to me, "why don't you take a pad of paper, and start by writing down what you think God is, or is like, if you could make God like you thought God ought to be. And, just see what comes up for you."

My sponsor was a very religious person. He had never had problems with God like I had. He was rock solid in his beliefs about God, before and after sobriety. And, he was very happy with that and it worked well for him.

I, on the other hand, had been a very religious person once, and had a very strong religious upbringing as a child. It was later on in life when I developed my major problems with God.

The only thing I could write at the time on my pad of paper, in trying to discover "God, as I understood God"... was: God is: Good.
God is: Love. God is Life. And, God is Light, and in God, there is no darkness."

My sponsor looked at my list and replied "Sounds like the same thing that I believe". :lol:

And, that's about all I know about God! :lol:

With me, sometimes I think I'm good. And, other times, I think I'm bad. Sometimes I love and sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I think I'm in the Light and other times, I'm convinced that I've been in darkness. The only constant for me, up to now, is: For the most part I've experienced, or had Life... (there was a couple of times that I was told... that I wasn't alive, but, I don't know... I don't remember it). :lol:

I appreciate your sharing MichalF. You help me to think about things and to feel things that are probably good for me to feel and to think! :wink:

Dallas
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Postby MichalF » Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:55 pm

(there was a couple of times that I was told... that I wasn't alive, but, I don't know... I don't remember it).

In Poland We call it "missing part of movie film" :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:03 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I understand. :lol:

I used to refer to it as blank spots in my video tapes... I guess, now that tapes are on the way out... I could call it blank spots in my DVD! :lol:

Once upon a time, many many years ago... I worked for a short time in a hospital. They had a guy in a body-bag in the morgue waiting for an undertaker to take him to the funeral home.... When the undertaker got there... he noticed a movement at the foot of the bag and they unzipped it and discovered that the guy was still alive! :lol: :lol:

They say "things can always get worse!" I guess, on the times that they said I died... they could have buried me anyway, or chopped me up and tried to find any usable pieces that they could give to someone else. Of course, I don't think I had anything worth passing on then! I was pickled in alcohol! :lol:

Except for one time... in sobriety: I think it was about 10 years ago. I got hit by lightening. Knocked me for a few flips and for sure knocked me out! I remember looking down at my body shaking like a Jelly Fish out of water! :lol: I did some fast-talking to God, and let Him know that, it was fine with me, and I was ready to go... but I had a lot of unfinished business and I was taking care of my sick mother at the time, so I asked Him, that if He was going to take me, to please send a replacement to finish up all the stuff I had to do! :lol:

For years after that episode I had a taste in my mouth like I had been eating metal. Once in a while, when there is a storm and lightening, the metal taste comes back.

When I first got sober, I figured that I had already burned up all the days that could be reasonably be alloted to me and for me, each day of living, I considered a bonus! It's another day that I don't believe that I deserve and each day is definitely a gift! And, I'm grateful for each new breath that I get!

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Meditaion works for me

Postby knny913 » Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:37 am

Good Evening Dallas and MichalF,
I was on on Tuesday evening, and wrote a reply about dogs, my last one in general, it was a lengthy reply to both of you. I didn't know it was so lengthy until I hit the "submit" button, and I had timed out, so the message didn't get to you.
I was going to tell you about it some other night, since it is getting late here, but I don't want to upset the flow of the forum by letting too many replies go by and then going back to this subject. So here goes...
My last dog was a black lab, Savannah, we got her as a pup barely 6 weeks old. I was drinking really heavy back then, although not as heavy as I was in the end. My nephews brought her home to their house on day while we were (my wife and I) visiting my brother. Thry of couse wanted to keep her, but my brother and his wife refused to let them have her, so my wife asked if we could take her in. Being the selfish person I was, I put up a (false) front and said no, over the night and into the next day my wife insisted on us taking Savannah withus when we keft that afternoon.
As the story goes, I gave in and when we left to drive home that Sunday Savannah was with us. I didn't realize it at the time, but Savannah was to become a very spiitual part of me, as well as a great companion.
Being a black lab, she inherited bad knees, which both of them blew out on her by the time she was 2½ years old. We called her our $5000 baby.
But she was worth every penny of it. for the rest of her 11½ years of life, she was in alot of pain from arthritis so I medicated her to help eliveate the pain. She was very greatful, and showed it with her love for us and the way she responded to us, as if she knew exactly what we were thinking, she was very smart. As the time grew nearer for me to have to face that final moment with her, I thiught about it quite a bie, and everythime I did, I'd start to cry. I was drinking then and of course not wanting to face the inevitable, I'd drown my fears and worries. I can honestly say that I was 6 months still struggling with my program sober, when sh took that final turn for the worse, it was Easter weekend, she had a terrible (what we believe) stroke, I spnt Saturday night sleeping on the floor with her, joping against hope that she would pull out of it. Sunday afternoon we called the vet, he met us at his office and we made the decision to put her to rest. I held her in my arms while she was on the table, praying to my new found God, to give me the strength I needed to not upset her anymore. A few seconds before the vet gave her the injection, she looked up at me with her tired eyes, and gave me a big kiss on the face, as if to say everything was going to be O.K., for her as well as me. We neither one of us had to suffer anymore. My first instinct was that I really had one of the best excuses in the world to give up my sobriety and go on a long, long, get caught up binge. But the look in her eyes, and the power of my program (my new found God) kept me from drinking. She was right we neither one had to suffer anymore. And I realized that even though I was empty in my heart and my gut, all that I could make up was an excuse to drink, I couldn't come up with a reason to drink, not one reason. I came home that afternoon, walked up on the montain behind my house and prayed, for the next couple of hours, I can't honestly say hw long, but it was quite a while, I prayed and cried like a baby, but what I git out of all that was really how selfish I have been and most of all I never had to drink again if I didn't want to. She was actually a vessel for my Higher Power to get through to me, and let me know that if I could and would believe, that He would look after her and me. And that if I continued to follow the path of my sobriety, I would be privileged enough to share this spiritual experience with others.
It still hurts a great deal, but I know in my heart she is in a better place. My program is growing with each new day, and I now have complete faith in my Higher Power. A year later, my wife was backing out of our driveway, and stopped, I was standing on the stoop, waving her goodbye, I had to work at home that day and she was leaving to go work at our other shop, after a few seconds she got out of the truck, came walking up to me. When I inquired what the matter was, she said she saw Savannah sitting by my side, the way she use to when we would wave goodbye to her in the mornings. Pretty freaky huh!?! I swear this is the truth. But that was just one of my many spiritual experiences in sobriety. It tells me that our love for others, weather they be human or animal, is just another example of our Higher Power, speaking and working through others. And that as long as I continue to pray, meditate, work the steps and program, as long as I can continue to love others and wish others more happiness than I have, all of which I could not do before, then the happier and joyful, and free I become.
Thank you for letting me share.
I look forward to communicatiing with everyone in the future.
Until then
Your Friend
Knny913
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Postby Dallas » Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:12 am

Thanks Kenny. I enjoyed reading your message. Thanks for sharing it.

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Postby MichalF » Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:12 am

Hey knny913
My vocabulary is too poor to put into words what I am feeling reading your post.
There is not proper emoticon as well
I would like just to say thank you for sharing!
After two years of not drinking and doing AA I went to AA conference witch took part in seaside resort. I treated it like just no more than tourist trip. Accidentally I got into meeting room where someone was sharing his experience of living with drinking parents. Topic was about it.
Another speaker was perhaps 10yrs old girl with distinct Dawn’s syndrome. She was talking in inexpressibly wise and mature way about dealing with home’s problem. How she loved so much she’s mum.
I suddenly became overcome of violent emotions and could not stop shaking my body and crying
From childhood to that moment I had not been crying except influence of alcohol.
I did not know what happens. I was truly ashamed of this situation looking for rabbit whole I felt like a freak.
I have been hurt many times and have hurt a lot people, I had an alcoholic father but I could not find a simple relation to myself from girl’s story.
Today I can guess what kind of trigger was that day.
I needed o few years practicing AA more to discover the answer, took from in the depth of my memory one occurrence which I didn’t want to remember any more.
Tears wash away worries from soul.
Thank you very much. God bless you one and all.
Michal
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Postby MichalF » Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:41 am

Kenny

Do you remember this beautiful fairy tall Snow Queen ?
Bad Queen made Kai’s good feelings freeze by splinters of the troll-mirror
Kai behaves like robot until his loving friend Gerda kisses him.
After that icicle-heart melts and water-tears goes out.
I am like Kai :D
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Postby Dallas » Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:28 pm

MichalF,
My vocabulary is too poor to put into words what I am feeling reading your post, also. :wink:

However, my heart perfectly understands.

I believe, that this is because "we are" alcoholics. We understand each other even without words, because we have shared so many of the same experiences. We understand, shaking, crying, and deep feelings that reach down into our bones -- while drinking, and while sober. :wink:

When I first came to AA, I was told that "this is the Language of The Heart." And, this is why we so connect and identify in AA.

Most alcoholics I've known, their intentions and motives were good. They wanted to do the right things. And, most even tried hard, to do the right things. And, this caused an even deeper hurt inside us -- because we wanted to do good -- but our alcoholism and our drinking interferred with our motives and intentions.

We let loved ones and children down, and it broke our hearts inside, because we wanted to do better -- but, we couldn't do better, no matter how hard we tried, and regardless of how much we wanted to convince them, that our love for them was real.

I didn't know much about Snow White, even as a child. I had to grow up fast, just to survive. And, in that effort to grow up fast and to survive, I learned about things like the Werewolf, and Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.

The moon would come out or not come out. The sun would shine or would not shine. And, the cap on my bottle would come off -- and as I drank, my personality changed. My disposition would change. My mind would change. Sometimes, for the better. Sometimes, for the worse.

The next day, I would wake up, and wonder "What did I do last night? Where was I? Who saw me? Did I hurt anyone?" And, I would hurt inside, and feel terror and darkness, afraid, hurt, pain, fear, guilt, remorse, lonely, separate, different... and I would then need to take another drink to try and calm down myself and my world. And, then another drink. And, another. Until the drink started to take a drink, and once again, the drink would take me.

Thank you for sharing! I appreciate you.

Dallas
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