- Inappropriate / DISTURBING Sharing at a Meeting...

Inappropriate / DISTURBING Sharing at a Meeting...




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

Inappropriate / DISTURBING Sharing at a Meeting...

Postby littlemiss » Mon Dec 10, 2007 3:42 pm

Ann Marie, Alcoholic:

So, I'm 40 Days Sober today--Hurrah!

In my women's meeting a lady shared something that really disturbed me on several levels...

She shared how she went w/ a newcomer to the lady's Christmas party (w/ tons of booze) to "support her"...Well, she was REALLY proud of herself because she said even though she was tempted, she didn't drink...AND, she even had lots & lots of FUN sober at the party cuz she kept egging on the guys to drink more during drinking games--in-their-face, yelling at them...she called the, "_ussies" cuz they weren't drinking ENOUGH!!! When they told HER to drink...she said she can't cuz she's in A.A. & when she drinks she gets crazy & takes off her clothes!...And on & on she went...
Now, I can't even imagine HOW thins scene/night must've affected the newcomer girl she was supposed to be supporting!...but I was just shocked that she'd share this at a meeting...& think it was funny/cool...

AND, she is the SECRETARY of the meeting!!!!! Quite Disturbing, indeed...I was just so thankful that there weren't any NEW Newcomers at the meeting to hear it...but there were a few who went-back-out recently...Not Good...

Anyone?
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Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:50 pm

Hey Anne Marie,

It sounds like a classical case of "how we can create our own misery, and misery for those around us." At least, if she drinks again -- hopefully, the newcomer can sponsor her! :lol:

I'd like to say that sometimes "we alcoholics" do some of the dumbest things... but, I guess I can only say "this alcoholic" has done some of the dumbest things.... :wink: If I did say "we alcoholics"... it might be true, but somebody would probably get mad at me for saying "we." :lol:

The thing that I'm really grateful about -- is, so far today -- I haven't done anything really dumb. Yet. :lol: There are a few more hourse left in today! And, by reading your message above, I'll try to keep my attention on trying to maintain myself on good behavior. It's not always easy for me to do.

The example that you wrote about above reminds me that alcoholics (especially this one) can be pretty childish.... and emotional sobriety with maturity are good goals for me to have.

Thanks for sharing!

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Postby garden variety » Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:55 am

Well what they say around here is this. The secretary of any group is always the sickest! It's kind of a joke, and you see, in this neck of the woods AA is what I would call "brutal" yet it is done with the most fondness and concern for the new person. They teach you that here so you can get a "thick skin" because we, and I'll say "we" because it's a fact the I've seen time and again, we alcoholics are some ultra-sensitive people when it comes to our feelings getting hurt. I don't have any regrets about getting my skin "brutally" thickened.

If you get voted in as a secretary, that means that you might be the sickest, but what I also see is that someone in the group thinks you have potential to stay sober and help others in a bigger way. It might not be anyone in the group, but it might be the "loving God as He expresses Himself in the group conscience". Then by being secretary, and "enlarging and perfecting your spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice" - the hope is after serving as secretary it stabilizes your sobriety and gets you "in the middle" and learning about taking "actions" that serve others instead of yourself.

Also around here, you'll hear in speaker leads that a year-long committment to a group officer position might be the only thing that helped a newer person make it through a year.

I got voted in as a secretary in my sixth year thru seventh. Boy was that ever an eye-opener. Was I the sickest? I don't know and it doesn't matter. When I was voted out, they sure did vote in another sick person - God bless him anyway. But the term as secretary taught me more in one year about AA groups, home group members, the 12 Traditions, and most importantly the "trusted servant" role that does not govern - well in one year I learned more than I learned in the first six years.

And it was true too - it really helped "stabilize" my sobriety because I was forced by the position to look at others first. And it didn't matter how small or how petty the problem was, I had to help fix it or find someone who could. It really was awesome responsibility that I had no idea how important it was and how nerve-racking it can get. There isn't anything you can take for granted. One night I made plans to go out of town and I got a substitute secretary, but I forgot to arrange for him to have a key to the church. I just forgot or really, I didn't think of it, but boy did I ever get a reminder. They had to cancel a meeting, and it was my fault.

I wanted to blame and duck responsibilty, and I felt the group was much too hard on me. But today it really makes me see the importance of being thorough and learning tolerance. I also realized that it could have made a big difference to a new man or woman if they needed a meeting and that one was closed. It was at a critical time slot on a Saturday night at 10PM right in the middle of an avenue with bars and taverns all over the place. It could have been a matter of life or death for one drunk. Just an awesome responsibility that if you take it lightly at first, but you stick to it, by the end of your term, you will be a different person.

It was a pain in the butt too, but I still walked away with more in my sobriety bag then I gave. But it sure didn't seem that way at the time. But that's how "giving it back" works. I always get more in return. And like Dr. Bob says, if I give only half the "zeal" to AA that I had for drinking, the benefits to me will be incredible.

So if your secretary looks goofy or dumb or awkward, don't sweat it. At the end of her term, if she makes it, she'll probably be a different lady and will have something that really sticks an anchor in her sobriety. Over time it will benefit her even more.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 11, 2007 2:27 pm

Thanks for sharing that experience, Paul! It brought up some really good memories!

I totally relate and identify with what you wrote. Becoming a secretary of the group's meeting - made me feel like I held the highest position anyone could hold in A.A. :wink: And, the added responsibilities made me grow in ways that I had never considered.... and caused me to change in ways that I didn't know were important for me to change.

It has always been a learning and strengthening experience for me. It caused me to become a better person inside and outside of A.A.

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Postby garden variety » Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:26 pm

I can say two little words Dallas, and I bet you'll have a laugh. What being secretary taught me in two words:

RULE 62 :lol:

I just looked at this again and I wanted to say that I'm pretty impressed with you Anne Marie. It looks like you're getting a pretty good foundation and some sanity being restored. 40 days really is fantastic. What I see that I like is that you don't want to give someone who is "real new" the wrong or bad impression, and you are right in feeling that way.

What I've learned is that going back out because you don't take it serious can be a deadly mistake. There's some of us, even right here online, that we've had our last drunk. That means the next time there won't be another recovery - we'll be dead. Man I heard a fellow with some 47 years now make that comment, and it chilled me to the bone. He is a mild-mannered guy, a wonderful man. In fact if I were to ever want to be like somebody in the fellowship it would be him.

ANd boy does he have a accent! He came from Tenneessee and he was soft-spoken, never says anything bad about anybody. A real humble southern gentleman. Well he got up and commented once, it was early in my sobriety, but when I was out of the fog and could understand a few things.

He said "There's some of us here tonight who had their last drunk. I know I have." Then he backed up what he said by talking about how many funerals he's been to. Man that message hit me harder than any message I ever heard up until then. And it hit me hard because he was talking directly about me and to me, and he didn't even know me. I heard that man comment at least 20 times before, but I was like a lot of folks that thought he was somehow "not real bright" because he had such a deep southern drawl and he was not the "in your face" kind of AA. But that night, God talked to me through him and there was no doubting it.

He just called me last night. What a great man he is. I've shared my deepest thoughts with him, I talk to him whenever I have tough choices to make, and he's grown to become my hero. He was one of Sister Ignatius favorite fellows, and when he tells stories about her, it's as though she is speaking through him. He showed me the little devotion book she gave him and signed it "Say a prayer for me too, Bobby" then it was signed with her name, and she also gave him a little sacred heart made out of felt. I don't know why I'm going on about this?

Maybe it's because if that man ever went back to drinking by doing something as foolish and careless as you saw with your own eyes, Anne Marie, then AA would have missed out on a real treasure. So it's good you see the seriousness of wreckless behavior in front of the new man or woman. Some of us won't get any more chances.

Thanks for helping me and keep up the good work!
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Members that tell others that they are not recovering like t

Postby estepney » Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:15 pm

I just left my usual meetings at rpac in chicago. There has been a time in my own recovery when I had a lot of time sober that I would tell others that they were not recovering like I thought they should. Well it happened to me today after one of my meetings. This chick came up to me after a meeting and told me she thought that I had not humbled myself and I have all the answers. Well I know that I don,t have all the answers. I responsed to her that my sponser was pleased with the progress I,ve made in the steps and my God is pleased and that she should keep her appoinois to her-self and take it to her sponser and leave it there. If I were not a grounded person my anger at her would have sent me out. The program tells me that I must pray for her because she is sick like me. But boy by her saying that to me brought back how I used to say that right before I went out again. The program is in the book and not in my thought or opionios. The program is not the way I think but in the steps. :roll: :roll: :roll:
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Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:25 pm

Welcome to the site, estepney, I appreciate you sharing.

I understand. :lol: Some AA's may be well intentioned, but they lack the social skills to get along with others and to communicate kindly. And, it seems like, at times, it will take all the love, tolerance and patience that we can muster to keep from drop kicking them! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Keep coming back!

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Postby MichalF » Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:04 pm

Hey estepney,
Welcome to the site. Thank you for refreshing this thread I must admit I am feeling a little discomfort at the moment. I have read first post and I found something related to me which makes me sad.
I love laughing and I admire & respect people who can laugh especially with themselvs. In my personal opinion sens of humor is cure and part of recovery It rescuded me from mental illness.
:)
Thats way I often tray to tell what hapened in humorous way.
My work requires taking part in receptions, parties. I must answer to klients, colleagues many times Why dont you drink?
of course I have a list appropriate, suitable replies...but :wink:
sometimes I say - I dont drink because I use to punch stranger, thats it.
They treat it as a joke. I felt satisfaction that I said part of truth :D

...I was just so thankful that there weren't any NEW Newcomers at the meeting to hear it...

it is obviouslly I don't want to give someone who is "real new" the wrong or bad impression and always look who is on around the table.
I think fault was;

she said she can't cuz she's in A.A.

I have never said that in this way
Point is I should be more carrefully about what I will say and how I say in future. Thank you.
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Postby MichalF » Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:33 pm

I droped in AA meeting and I missed my own funeral :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:08 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for the humor, Mike!

You're right!

"So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness.
Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst
into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of
the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered,
and have been given the power to help others." page 132, BB

Some AA's think of "authority" when they think about "the power to help others."

I've never met an alkie yet, that would submit to authority! :lol: Many of us are defiant. We don't want and won't let someone else "tell us" what to do! :lol:

I think it's very appropriate, that the sentence in the BB, regarding "we have been given the power to help others" -- is in the same paragraph, as "laughter, and cheefulness" and in the same chapter and two pages that deal with the importance of humor, being happy, joyous, and free.

The power to laugh, the power to take it easy, and not get too serious, and the power and ability to use humor -- has, in deed, a powerful effect on ourselves and on those that we desire to help. :wink:

Do you have a problem going on? Or, did I misunderstand the first part of your message? If you have a difficulty -- that's why we're here. Use us up! Because, for sure... if I've got a problem -- I'll be coming to you for all the help I can get!

Sorry my dog pictures are late in getting to you. Long story. I'll explain later, but I do have one pic of my Big Black Boy that I'm ready to send!

How's the puppy? And, you, and your wife and your angel? I hope Life is treating all of you well!

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