Inappropriate / DISTURBING Sharing at a Meeting...

[MichalF]

Hi Dallas
We are fine! Thank you!
Everything going well!
I read Anne Marie case.
I was only afraid that my laughter would be inaproppriate and I should be more careful during meeting.
How are you?

[NC AA guy]

I'm sure that was a disturbing story to hear. As my sponsor says, "AA is not always a font of emotional well being."

I've also always been cautioned to look for similarities and not differences between my behavior and someone else's. Sometimes when I hear an "odd share" I feel a little weird and usually it is because the thing reminds me or me, or the me I used to be.

Sometimes all you can do is pray for the other person and thank your HP that you are not them.

[Toast]

My own pet bugbear at meetings is when couples who have met and married in AA start sharing in front of each other about the number of former lovers they've had, some even say they've kept all the old phone numbers?

Then some who are even sicker give them a round of applause for their honesty?

When i call my sponsor about this he reminds me this is all about MY expectations, i'm expecting sick people to behave normally?

He then tells me to expect nothing and i wont be offended.

Guess i'm just like most alkies, offended by everything and embarrassed by nothing

[Dallas]

I don't think meetings are the appropriate place to share a 5th Step. And, I often hear a lot of stuff in meetings that are inappropriate to be talked about in a meeting. Meetings are NOT for the purpose of group therapy. And, it's not a Reality TV show. If a person NEEDS to share their trash in a group setting -- AA is not the right place for that. They should seek out a therapist and attend group therapy sessions.

One of the first lessons I learned in recovery is the same lesson I learned as a child. Try to figure out what's appropriate and whats inappropriate. Then, try to do the right thing. If I can't do that -- then, I need to be in an institutional setting and kept away from the public.

Learning to live sober, and comfortably when sober -- for the long haul, has much to do w/ discovering, learning, and doing the appropriate things verses the inappropriate things in life.

[Toast]

Agree with Dallas on this one.

The BB tells us when we go to meetings we share 'in a general way' not the true nitty gritty of what went on.

For instance i've heard former perpetrators of incest share about it in front of former victims. Not nice for anyone involved in that particular meeting and it didn't need to happen. If only they'd had better guidance before they opened their big dumb mouths.

[Dallas]

If AA is not group therapy then an AA group has no purpose.

Tradition Five "Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry it's message to the alcoholic who still suffers."

What is, it's message?

It tells us in Step 12: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry THIS message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

When I was going to meetings to -- get something -- I couldn't stay sober.

The Big Book explained to me "why." pg 128 "Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle."

So, I stopped "going to get" and started "going to give." Guess what? I've been sober ever since!

I get what I need by: giving.

It's just like the law of attraction. It's the same thing. We get back, in greater measure -- of whatever it is that we give.

Example: If I went to a meeting because "I needed something" -- what would I get back? MORE need! More needy. More sicker.

No where in our AA literature is AA referred to as "Self help" as in self-help group. We don't go to "get help" -- we go to "give help." So, actually, the WAY AA works is: we are a "give help group."



btw, Keith: No one is debating. And, OF COURSE you should feel comfortable here sharing whatever you share. We love you. You're one of us. No one is a leader here... we're ALL just a part of the fellowship.

And, I'm not trying to debate or trying to change your mind in what you believe. You share what you believe. I share what I believe. And, we can always get along just fine. At least -- I think we can.

Hugs to you bro!

Dallas

[Toast]

Just keep doing what your doing Keith, i really get a lot from your shares.

And if we dont shake the mixture every now and then it segragates, then where would we be?

Love,light,laughter

[Dallas]

Ditto Keith. I'm w/ Toast on this one!

I get A LOT out of ALL of your shares!

Thanks to both of you -- for being a huge part of my recovery!

Dallas