- Relationships In Recovery

Relationships In Recovery




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

Relationships In Recovery

Postby Dallas » Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:45 pm

Relationships In Recovery

Topics and discussions related to relationships in recovery

The Relationships in Recovery forum is for members who would like to discuss relationships in recovery.

If you have questions or would like to share your experience, strength and hope about sobriety and relationships, this the place for it.

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Dallas
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R I R

Postby buddy » Fri Dec 04, 2009 6:06 pm

Well I guess I'm the 1st to post on this topic. I have been a member of A.A. for ten years and had 2 periods of Recovery. The 1st was from Aug. 29th, 1999 to Oct. 4th or 5th 2001. Within 24 hrs. of this relapse I was in a nut ward. Afterwards I was in and out of A.A. until Dec. 2nd 2007 and relapsed Oct. 31st of this year. After 10 days in the Graybar hotel I have been clean and sober since Nov. 17th. The cause of both of these relapses was placing a rel. this last time and a lack of one in 2001 ahead of my recovery. Oh and during those 6+ yrs. in and out of A.A. I got addicted to crack, crushed my heel in a fall from ladder, sober. I broke my left tibia and fibula in a car wreck after leaving a meeting, again sober.
Then after my 2nd surgery (still on crutches) I fell down a flight of stairs at the local community college and broke my right tibia, was misdiagnosed and spent a night in jail for disorderly conduct. Throw in a suicide attempt in 2004 and I'm quite sure that you can get the picture that it doesn't get any better. However, losing this sick relationship I was just in may turn into the greatest blessing of my life as I was prepared and seemed destined to marry a lady who cannot or will not be honest with herself about her alcoholism and pill addiction.
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Postby Dallas » Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:08 am

Hi Buddy,

Actually, you're not the first to post in the RIR forum... but, you are the second to post in the announcement part of the forum that tells what the subject is. :wink:

Often, the members here in the forum skip over messages posted in the announcement section and go on to the old topics that others have posted, or, they start a new topic.

I remember reading your message here. Since there was no question asked, I assumed you were simply sharing your experience. Did you intend to ask a question, or did you ask one, and I didn't see it?

Best regards,

Dallas
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Postby Toast » Sat Aug 20, 2011 5:56 am

This topic reminds me of some wise words i once heard at a meeting.

I was told early on that if i was looking for a relationship in AA the odds are good, but be careful because the goods are odd! :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:51 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Sermon » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:00 pm

Hey guys,

Wow.... Relationships in recovery.... HHHHHmmmmmm,

I was told by my sponsor, "If you fish in a toxic pond, you'll probably catch a toxic fish." :wink:

Of course I decided to go into the "Catch and Release" program. :twisted: (That didn't work well for me.)

I've found through the steps that, I am a sensitive person with a high tolerance to pain.

When it comes to relationships in recovery I've seen some work well and others (mine) go miserably sour. The 12x12 Pg. 119 really sums it up well for me.

Of course I've tired to give my experience, strength, and hope to some of my sponsees about getting into relationships to early in recovery...... but they seemed to forget our conversation and did what they were going to do in the first place. I made sure to make myself available for them to help pick up their poor little heart and shattered ego when it was crushed (because that's what my sponsor did for me). It's amaizing how we really are not all that different, even though we sometimes like to think so. :D
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:37 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

When counseling others -- it's wise to remember, that the way we know -- is because we've been there, and done that, too! :lol:

I understand.

And, I'm glad you mentioned that "some work and some don't". All too often, I think we give others the idea that we'll always be sick and a couple that both do the 12 Steps -- still won't work as a healthy relationship.

Happy to announce this isn't true... because we have seen them work for others... even when they haven't worked for ourselves. (Speaking strictly of myself here). :lol:

There are some healthy fish in those toxic ponds -- but, consider yourself really lucky -- if the one you fish for -- hasn't already been caught! :lol:

Either way, you can continue to try and try and try again, and again, and again -- we know of those who failed w/ their first half-dozen or dozen prospects, but they EVENTUALLY found one that was desperate enough to want what they had to offer! :lol: :lol:
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Re: Relationships In Recovery

Postby chollis » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:14 pm

Relationships in recovery are sometimes helpful and sometimes not that great. I have friends that are behind me and that believe in me. They stand behind me and keep me going. They also understand how I feel and keep my mind off everything else. I think it can be a bad thing when you get part of the relationship in recovery is that some people don't understand where you are coming from and don't support you. I am thankful for the friends and family that I have.
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Re: Relationships In Recovery

Postby celebres07 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:35 pm

When i read the title of this thread, I thought of the recent "abandonment" I suffered through.

Actually the three or four friends I am thinking of were not friends at all. I guess I knew all along --ofr over ten years--they were not real friends to me. If I made the first move and called them, they would chat with me
but actually the friendship was always one sided. I gave dinner parties and invited them
and they never invited me to their homes

what a jerk i think i have been.
on the other hand, i am grate ful that at last I realise their potential to be a friend just isn't there.

These are people who use each other, dominate each other. Finally I get it. It just isn't in their toolkit to have honest relationships.

I am talking about women I know. Gee, I haven't even thought of finding somebody of the opposite sex in AA. I just don't want somebody with baggage and problems.
I'd rather meet somebody outside of the program.
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Re: Relationships In Recovery

Postby Dallas » Fri Aug 17, 2012 6:41 pm

I understand. :-)
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