from the Dr.s Opinion above... wrote:Men and women drink essentially because they like the
effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that,
while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time
differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic
life seems the only normal one. They are restless,
irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience
the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by
taking a few drinksâ€”drinks which they see others taking
with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire
again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving
develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a
spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to
drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless
this person can experience an entire psychic change there
is very little hope of his recovery.
I identify with the part above about not being able to differentiate between the true and the false.
I got so confused trying to figure out what God's will was... that it made me restless, irritable and discontinted... and really really thirsty for a drink!
Everytime I thought I had God's will figured out -- it turned out to be my will. And then when I thought it was my will -- it turned out to be God's will after all.
I resigned from the debating factory.
I discovered in the Big Book precisely what God's will was for me... and I found part of it on page 133. God's will is what God wants. Right?
Well. I read that "God wants me to be happy, joyous and free." For me, that means God wants me to be happy and sober at the same time. And, for me -- that's all there is to it. That, simply, and clearly, and easy to understand for me, is God's will for me.
If I stay sober and have the personality change that's produced by the 12 Steps... I'll be happy and sober at the same time... And, for me... that's God's will for me.
I read a book once, but I can't remember if the guys name was Moore or Morton... but the deal in the book was, he went to a Monestary and stayed there for 30 years trying to figure out what "God's will" was. He summed it up at the end of the book by saying after 30 years of trying to figure out what God's will was... he didn't know any more about God's will then than when he started 30 years earlier.
I understood. I understand. And, I relate and identify with that guy.
Even today, right now, I can cause myself it get restless, irritable and discontented trying to figure out what God's will is. I would rather be at peace with God, and know God, in the Present, than try to figure out what His will is.
Have you ever been out on a date with a chick, and tried to read her mind... and figure out "what the heck does she want, anyway? I ask and ask and ask... and I get nothing clear from her in regards to an answer!"
That's the way it was with me and God. The more I ask Him... the less I got. So, I started to treat Him like I did the chick. I just went and had fun with Him and enjoyed hanging out and doing stuff with Him. We laughed, Joked and danced in the sand and in the water on the beach together. We ate together. We slept together. We laughed together. And, we cried together. We had a ball -- and we're still having one!
I don't know what happened with the chick. We parted ways and she's probably settled down or partying with someone somewhere. But, I do know what happend to God. God's still hanging around with me and we're still partying together! And, you know what? I don't know any more about what His will is now than what I discovered int he Big Book, about 22 years ago. God likes to have fun and be happy... and that's what He wants for me, too. Except, He wants me to stay sober, too! He can drink because He's not alcoholic.
I am amazed and happy for others, though, that figure out what God's will is for them. When they tell me about it... I think of how fast it would give me a headache if I had to figure out what they figured out!
Happy, joyous and free.