Here ya go- ATAGIRL! (shove)
Next meeting you go to, TELL THEM you need help stopping. If they don't know, they can't help you. They know you can't stop by yourself. Someone there is willing to surround you while you stop.
If they don't volunteer, don't give up. Go to another group until you find one that actually works step 12.
It's up to you. Want it? Get it.
I feel for you. 12 years ago I went into detox. Couldn't stop on my own. Went from there into AA. I went to a meeting every day ... for a while.
For some reason, I just never heard the part about getting a Higher Power and a sponsor and WORKING the steps. All I heard was power and sponsor - sounded like NASCAR to me.
Somehow I stayed sober 2 years that way. BUT it got me again.
About 5 year ago I wanted to stop drinking again. I remembered feeling better back then. Life still sucked because I didn't DO the program. I remembered AA and started going to meetings drunk. I just couldn't get it.
I never TOLD anyone I was there to stop drinking and needed help. They tolerated my presence and kept saying, "keep comin' back". Such patient people.
Finally, last Christmas, I decided to check into rehab - just couldn't do it myself and needed close attention to ... like ... NOT DIE.
This time I payed attention, got a sponsor, worked the steps, stay connected and involved. Today, I'm quite comfortably sober. I also know that the only way to stay comfortably sober is to stay with the program and never get slack.
I thought "AA doesn't work." Turns out it was ME who didn't work. I'm working now. And AA is working. Piece o'pie. Easy as cake.
So, I suggest you go to a meeting and say it outloud infronta God and everybody - "I NEED HELP! SOMEBODY SPONSOR ME! PUHLEEEEZE!"
It's up to you. If you want it, grab it. Nobody is going to pour it down your throat. Sharpen your elbows and get close to sober people. Beg if you have to. It's that important.
I love that you expressed your willingness here. Just say that to flesh and blood people. You'll get the help you need.
You go, girl! I mean it ... GO. And keep coming back.