Struggling Relationship

A discussion of topics about relationships in Recovery
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Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 2:04 pm

Struggling Relationship

Postby joniluminati » Thu Jan 07, 2010 2:29 pm

Hi everyone my name is Josh and I'm an alcoholic.

After spending a couple of hours reading different post and getting some much needed serenity I've decided to post about what is going on in my personal relationship.

A little background first.

I'll have 4 months Saturday so I'm very early in recovery.
I've worked the 12 steps and I've just started going through them for the second time.
I'm currently seperated from my wife and I jumped into another relationship immediately. I first met this new woman in a treatment center I went to. Well actually I knew I had an addiction to sex also so I tried my best to ignore her because I was still trying to work things out with my wife...Anyway...We never had a conversation while I was in treatment, but she was obviously very interested in me because she got booted for it.
I graduated the treatment and I attended a young peoples conference 200 miles from where I live under the impression I would never see this woman again. The first night I came from a speaker meeting and she was standing outside waiting on me because she saw me inside. To make a long "Jerry Springer" story short. The week after I returned from the conference we started having a sexual relationship and she got pregnant.
Both of us being in recovery, I was given the caution by my sponsor and many others in my home group to be careful. I know I was really needy and have since fell for her pretty hard. She has since relapsed with her drug of choice and has been on an emotional rollercoaster. I know she is depressed and going through hormone changes and has since came to the conclusion she is irritated by me. We both said alot of hurtful things to one another and she has said she no longer wants to be with me. Or atleast for now. Her words.
After talking to my sponsr and many others about the situation I know I need to accept what it is and stop putting myself through self inflicted pain. In my right mind I know what is best.(work on self and if it is meant to be it will.) I'm just having a hard time with all of this. The good news is I'm not having the obsession to drink or use and that's progress.
I've fully accepted I'm powerless over alcohol but I'm having difficulties accepting I'm powerless over this situation. I just think if my actions were different then things would be too. News flash... I'm a control freak!
But you already knew that.
Thanks for all the usefull information here.

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Postby MichalF » Thu Jan 07, 2010 4:39 pm

Hi Josh My name is Mike I am an alcoholic.
A Coincidence?
A travelled for business sake last few days. Yesterday I spend day in Krakow I decided to go to the theatre. I Had a pleasure to watch performance A Streetcar Named Desire Tennessee Wiliams
One of my thoughts after that was- Louisiana is good place to living for European people:)
Lets talk about DESIRE!
During my first year of recovery I acted under the banner of “ sobriety is good and gives me rewardsâ€

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Postby Dallas » Fri Jan 08, 2010 10:18 pm

Thanks for sharing your experience Mike!!!

I went through a sober broken heart at two years sober and it nearly killed me. I came to realize that one of the reasons that I used to drink so much (besides because I was alcoholic)... was because it was the only way I knew to deal with and avoid dealing with emotional pain of the broken-heart type.

I'm glad I had the experience, because at five years sober... I had another sober broken heart experience that totally devastated me!!! It was worse than the one I went through at two years sober...

What I learned was: the longer I was sober... the more capacity for emotional pain that I had.... because the longer I was sober, the greater my ability to feel natural emotional pain.

As I look back on it... I learned a lot at the five year pain that I wish I'd learned at the two year pain... and kind of wished that I had the four or six month broken heart and gotten through it -- to prepare me for the five year broken heart!

Hang in there Josh! Learn what you can from this to help you in the future. You don't have to drink over it and you can learn some valuable tools to use for the future. And, you... like Mike... will have a story that you can share based on your experience, that can help many others!


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