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Postby erinj » Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:42 pm

hi my name is erin, i'm an alcoholic/addict, obviously.
I'm really thrilled to have found this site. I spend a lot of time that I should be working on the computer, so at least I'll be looking at program stuff instead of shopping. I really needed to read what Dallas wrote on the home page--"Step 3 was impossible for me". Me too!! I've been clean and sober 93 days and am feeling kinda yucky, just weird, uncomfortable in my skin. I keep trying to force myself to do a 4th step, but I now believe that I haven't properly done my 3rd. Guess I should call my sponsor. I work in the city, live in the burbs and its hard sometimes to stay out of my own head and work the program, especially during the day, at work--tend to forget that i'm a drunk druggie, get the urge to visit with old "friend". Anyway, the point is--I have a sponsor, a few new AA friend, but frankly i need instant gratification--so the web is perfect for me. yea!! Glad peeps are here for each other, too bad the "normal" people out there don't have a support system. Am grateful and thanks.
ejb
erinj
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:17 pm
Location: Washington DC

Postby Rusty Zipper » Sun Jan 08, 2006 9:53 pm

o'la E, glad ya paroooooooooz'd your way to Step12... welcome. you said it yourself.... ppfftt, instant gratification... thats just what we are try'n ta change... 90 whatever days is a good start. cant expect, ah, "expectations" to change overnight... E, recovery is a process. comes quickly to some...### mostly not ####... with others it does take time... its called the road to recovery, not the expressway, lol... keep come, do'n the next right thing, talking to your sponser, and try to not have to many conversations with yourself ### annnyliz'n, and think'n ####...lol.... good wishes ta ya, xo Rusty :wink:
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Hello Erin!

Postby Dallas » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:59 am

Hello Erin,

Welcome to www.Step12.com and thank you for participating in the forums!

I’m really thrilled that you found the site, also!!! And, since you can spend some time on your computer, I’m hoping that will mean that I’ll get to read a lot from you!

You may or may not be aware that people like you, who share their experience, strength and hope, with your 93 days, is what keeps people like me, coming back, and helps me to stay sober, happy, joyous and free!!! So, thank you for your contribution to the solution, that provides for my recovery and contributes to the goodness in my life!!!

If you stick around for a while, you’ll begin to discover why your recovery is so important to my own recovery! And, it’s a cool deal, to discover that you are already being a “part ofâ€
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

thanks

Postby erinj » Tue Jan 10, 2006 3:26 am

RZ and Dallas--thanks so much for the support and encouragement. I truly need to get out of my head and thanks for pointing that out, clearly you arent' the first to notice, heehee. I'm really wrapped up in my own crap and for some sicko reason I want to wallow in it and lay around for a while. very twisted. I know that recovery isn't a competition, but I guess I need something tangible so I know I'm doing it right, does that even make sense? I feel seriously confused lately and certainly do not want to use, at least I know that, so that's something I guess. I think I'm saying that I need to see, feel, touch something to keep believing....wow, I am still very very sick, teehee. I'm a double dipper in this program, so maybe I'm expecting things instead of going with the flow. Maybe I think to much. Ok, enough. Glad the forum is here, I like writing stuff down, well except for my 4th step---
erinj
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:17 pm
Location: Washington DC

Postby Dallas » Tue Jan 10, 2006 4:31 am

Hey Erin,

Glad to hear back from you!

Want to "see" the miracle? Want to see some proof?

Go stand in front of a mirror. Look directly into your eyes. Look deeply into your eyes. Do it for at least 60 seconds.... and longer if you can. Try and be sure that you are making eye contact with yourself. And, whether you believe it or not.... just say "I love you."

Fortunately for me, I was told early on, during my second time around, that "recovery is about taking actions that we don't believe in." Kind of like "If the horse is blind... load the wagon anyway."

For me, there is a danger of thinking too much. While I was drinking, I believe that "my mind would have killed me, if it didn't need my body for transportation!"

What I had to do, was to focus on taking directed actions... those I could see... and then, judge the results later. A daily "To Do List" was a great help and it still is.

Also... I imagined that there was a big volume control knob on the left side of my head.... when my thoughts got too loud... I would reach up and act like I was turning the volume down. It was a lot easier than trying to change the channel!

Taking the actions eventually changed the channel... and the actions keep a different song playing in my head.

If all else fails, and you can't get your mind off of you... just think nice thoughts about me! Heehee! It'll work if you work it!

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA


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