- Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly. Most often, for me?

Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly. Most often, for me?




Experiences along the way that bring us closer to our Higher Power

Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly. Most often, for me?

Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 18, 2009 3:39 am

"We will intuitively
know how to handle situations which used to
baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They
are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes
slowly. They will always materialize if we work
for them
.'

~ page 84, Alcoholics Anonymous

Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly. Most often, for me? Inrementally!

One of my thoughts that I would constantly use to clobber myself was: "I'm just not getting this fast enough! I need to change now! I can't wait! I need to recover faster! Why aren't I making ANY progress?"

Then, my sponsor would gently remind me... "Your problems didn't happen over-night, and the solution most often doesn't happen over-night either." He said "You've spent years creating some of these problems -- and, it's unrealistic to expect them to vanish over-night." Often, he would follow through with something like, "Did you drink today?" And, I'd reply, "Of course not!" Then, he'd say "Well. I call that progress. How about you?" I could see his point... but more than once my response was... "but, but, but, but..." this or that!

Then, he'd come off with a question like: "Are you aware of how the inside of an asshole communicates with the outside world?" "Butt, butt, butt... do you want to appear like an asshole communicating with the outside world? If not -- then, I suggest you get off your buts!"

He went on to say, "For me, my changes have been incremental. Very slowly. Often, painfully slow. However, over time, the changes did materialise -- as long as I was working for them. That's the only thing you're expected to do. To work for them. And, as long as you're working for them, these things shall pass. Sometimes quickly. Sometimes slowly. Most often -- incrementally."

He said, "you look at the big things that you see happening in life -- and, you don't consider the slow, painful, and incremental days, weeks, months, and sometimes years of little tiny details, that led them to becoming a big thing."

I then, discovered, by observation, that I often referred to the "ANY" as my judgement of the facts of my reality. My life-thinking was governed by "ALL or NOTHING" -- "ANY or NONE" -- "SUCCESS or FAILURE". Black and white. Right or wrong. No colors. No shades of gray. Perfection or nothing. Progress, especially if it was miniscule -- was not a reality of moving forward, it was still my evidence that proved nothing at ALL!

I began to keep a little pocket notebook, and each time I noticed that I was using my "ALL or NOTHING" thinking... or the "ANY or NOTHING" thinking.... I would write it down in my little notebook.

When a time was convenient and I could relax, I'd go over my notes. And, as I'd go over my notes, I'd ask myself questions like: "Dallas, you said that you were totally broke" ... "did you have any money at all?" And, my answer would invariable be: "Yes. I did have SOME money..." So, the conclusion was: "I was wrong. I wasn't "totally broke" and I wasn't even "broke"... because I did have SOME money. (Just not enough of it!)

I discovered a number of areas in my life where I was doing the same thing. When someone would say something that would turn out to be wrong... I would have a frequent tendency to conclude, "That person lied to me! They're ALWAYS lieing to me!!!"

Then, I'd ask myself "ALWAYS?"

And, I'd follow it up with: "Have they EVER told me the truth?" If they had told me just one simple tiny truth... then, I was wrong about it... they were not ALWAYS being dishonest with me.

As I began to take the effort to notice these small things that I was saying to myself... and trying to work towards changing them... I began to see larger changes in my life. I was finally able to see that I REALLY WAS making SOME progress! I wasn't ALL bad... because of some little things. And, life was not ALL bad... because of the tiny or the large things! There was ALWAYS -- something.... that was good!

Once I began to change a little bit, and became able to see the little bits of good... I began to see more of the good.

I learned that in my little world... the things that I would think about... seemed to be automatically manifesting themselves in my life. When my focus was on the negative... and the ALL or NOTHING... I would manifest more negativity and experience more of the nothing! And, the nothing... would slowly grow into big somethings... that I didn't like!

Then, I discovered another little trick to add to my tiny bag of "Magic Tricks for Living"... it was: "Keep my mind focused on what I want and off of what I don't want... and I'll automatically end up with more of what I want!" Simple. Easy. Something small, that I could work on. Something small that I could do... that eventually began to change "One Thought At A Time" in my thinking! And, as my thinking changed... my world began to express and demonstrate the change!

Dallas B.
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Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly.

Postby Bensober » Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:42 am

Thank You Dallas,
This my first post on your web. forum. I've been viewing this for some time and know I need to connect with you all.

The all or nothing thinking consumed my mind after twentyone years "dry" sometimes going to meetings, "partially" working the steps, and what we refer to here in my area, not "doing the deal" which means really utilizing a Sponsor, working the steps, and going to meetings is "DOING THE DEAL". As a result, after twentyone years of half-stepping I relapsed. It took me two years to put my tail between my legs and get back in...

The reason I share this is that "all or nothing" grandisizing", "bigshotism" etc.. was all a result of my alcoholic mind going untreated. Today and a painful lesson well learned, has taught me that my "doing the deal" allows my spiritual innerself to govern my potiential all or nothing mind. I also truly know today Dallas, that my grey mass up there has the capability of going unrecovering or untreated without a spiritual solution based on unwavering faith... will and could kill me!

Thank God for AA, the understanding and insights people like you and others have, and I look forward to "DOING THE DEAL" with you all.[/b]
Bensober
 
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 8:07 am
Location: Fresno Ca.

Postby Dallas » Sat Feb 06, 2010 3:23 pm

Bensober, Thanks for your message and for sharing your experience, strength and hope! I appreciate you. Welcome to the site! I hope to read more from you. It's good for me to read and to keep in mind the things you mentioned in your message!

Dallas
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Moments of Clarity

Postby knny913 » Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:44 pm

Thank you Dallas, for your posts, they are always enlightening.

Welcome Bensober, and more important "Welcome Back!"
It takes alot of courage to come back into the program, and to make that ever so dreaded first appearence into the room of your "old home group".
The best part of being in the program the first time is that we know when we have reached the bottom, we DO have hope, if we are willing.
I would like to quote my favorite scene from the movie "My name is Bill W."
It starts out with Lois coming home from work and seeing Bill in the livingroom - hungover, she hangs up her coat and walks into the room;
"Does it have anything to do with me....the drinking" Lois asked
"No, it's not you. It's me."
"Why? Why do you do it to yourself." she asked
"I've been standing here all afternoon asking myself the same question. I look out the window and I watch all the normal people walking by. It's funny. I don't think I've ever felt really normal all my life. I mean like other people. I feel different somehow, like I don't really measure up. Ever since I can remember, I've had this feeling, deep down in my gut....scared. I see people laughing at ease with each other. I'm on the outside looking in, afraid that I won't be accepted. And then, overseas, I found that a drink...a few drinks...makes me feel comfortable, like I've always wanted to feel. It gives me courage...to be with people, do things...to dream. The money, the success, the respect...it was all good for a while, but it never seems enough. I've always wanted doubles of everything to make me feel alive, worthwhile inside. And then, it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always so full of fear...so I drink. More. And it makes it OK for a while. I convince myself that things will turn around, tomorrow, soon. That I'll make it all up to you. But it only gets worse. I..I keep promising you, others, myself..."'that's it, no more, going on the wagon. THAT'S IT!' And I think I mean it. But the guilt and the depression....I can't look in the mirror, or at you...especially at you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God, myself. I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite of all this, what I want right now more than anything else...is another drink

I hope Hallmark doesn't get too upset with me, I know my keyboarding isn't exactly verbatum, but it gets the point across.
We are all just as venerable as the Bill W. And a slip or falling back into our old ways are always an arms length away. So by going to my meetings, getting on my knees and asking, my, God for help in the morning, meditating to hear what "Intuative thought, and His will for me" for today is, staying active in my program, doing my daily readings, and giving thanks at night, I can stay sober, and add another day to my sobriety.
Without help from my Higher Power, and the people in these rooms and others, there is no hope for any of us.
Keep coming back Bensober, we are in this together.
Your Friend
Kenny
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Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:11 pm
Location: Villa Grove, Colorado

Postby Dallas » Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:35 am

Thanks, Kenny. Well said. Hallmark did a wonderful act of caring for others and alcoholics when they presented that movie. I remember the Mother's Day that I watched it when it first appeared on TV. I've been so grateful to Hallmark, that I look for the "Hallmark" logo on cards that I buy. :wink:

I was living in the Los Angeles area when they were producing the movie and some of my Hollywood AA buddies were working on the film. They told me of the great efforts that the director and production company were making, to make sure that the film was as historically accurate as possible. I've always assumed that this is probably why I felt like I identified and related to so many of the things that I heard and saw. I had been hearing them in the rooms of AA! :wink:

I highly recommend the movie for anyone that would like an introduction of education into the life of an alcoholic!
Dallas
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Thanks Kenny & Dallas

Postby Bensober » Sat Feb 13, 2010 10:22 am

Yes! I saw the movie years ago and I actually have it here on "VHS". The Hallmark quote is exactly in "feeling expierence" what I went through. One of my ole original home group friends just celebrated twenty seven (27) years on Thurs. evening(Rule 62) group. I would of had around the same amount of "time". I have expressed authentic appeciation for my "old timers" continuous recovery as I will you and Dallas. Thanks Kenny for the acknowledgement of the "relapsers" humility going back to his home group. Initially it was painful and embarrassing but good for my ego. Once I was in, I threw back my shoulders and truly let the AA love in. There is no begging or pleading I can do that could compare in sharing to please!...please! keep doing the deal in AA. My relapse as any other brother and sister goes through was nothing less than the worst horror a human being could expierence, especially initially finding AA principles and the going back out.

I told my Sponsor about this site and already...to keep things simple, you all add value to my life today. In my wildest dreams, I could have never imagined the value in the short contacts we have had already. God is in the middle of us my brothers. I will have ongoing questions and possible insights that may be of service to our "primary purpose" especially in this area of spirituality, the alcoholic mind.

God Bless You Two!

Ben H.
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Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 8:07 am
Location: Fresno Ca.

Postby Dallas » Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:18 pm

Ben, thank you for your kindness. I believe that whenever and wherever two or more of us alkies are gathered together -- even on the Internet -- for the purpose of maintaining our sobriety and reaching out to each other -- that God is right here in the middle with us! This is why, for me, it feels so good and works so much better -- the closer I am and the more often I'm with -- my brother and sister alkies! I get the opportunity to experience His Power that flows through you and others -- and this, to me, is what feels like being "rocketed into the 4th diminsion" of existence!

I especially get a huge boost of HP High -- when I realize that our brothers and sisters from here in the USA, and Canada, Mexico, Poland, German, Austrailia, South Africa, Indonesia, Japan... and many other countries get on here at the same time! And, they share with me that their experience has been identical to mine! Wow! What a High that is! :wink:

Dallas
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Moments of Clarity

Postby knny913 » Sat Feb 13, 2010 11:59 pm

Thank you Ben, its been a great experience to be able to look at your posts, best of all to see you continue to come back to this site.
I personally feel it was mostly my Higher Power that directed me to this site. Of all the other sites on the internet, and all the other places I have been on line, even to the home page of this site a couple of years ago, it is not a coincidence that I have settled here.
As Chuck C says, everybody is Gods Kids.
As Dallas stated the wide variety of people from not only the US, but from all over the world, is a personal high for me also, and the workings of my HP. God speaks through other people and I hear Him, She, or It loud and clear on this site.
Keep coming back and keeping us up to date on your sobriety, it certainly helps mine.

Kenny
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Connection

Postby Bensober » Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:45 am

Gotcha Kenny,
In this connection with you, Dallas and others who may be with us, it shows me a deeper meaning in yours, mine, and our world wide connection...e.g. "We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny". What a gift! This time in AA, part of what my Sponsor has me doing is get on my knees every morning. In the past I was always above doing something this "silly"! due to my mind lacking the ability of being able to become humble. In ensuring to the best of my ability today while on my knees connecting, praying for the knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out...

Just thought I would share with you my Seventh Step Prayer that specifys my character defects today worked on with Gods, Sponsors, AA-Fellowship, and your help seems to be working as a result of working it.

7th Step Daily Prayer
For
Ben H.


My Creator, I am willing that you should have all of me:


Focus on and build my relationship to YOU.
My creator I turn my will and life over to your care daily.


Set limits for my recovery, no more fixing behavior, practice humility,
don’t put off what can be done NOW! Face my fears, say and do the hard
things that need to be said and done, be available to all surroundings in my life.
My creator I inherit your will and your strength and slow my actions down in your
peace, I choose to say no or yes, I realize where I may be of assistance or not,
be available to people, places, and things that need my attention.



I know that you have begun to make the changes in me that I may make change
in these areas of my life. Remove from me all that block me from being who
I really am. Truly make me useful to you and my fellows.
Grant me the strength to go out from here do and practice obedience to
your commands and will.


AMEN

Brother Ben
Bensober
 
Posts: 132
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Location: Fresno Ca.

Postby Dallas » Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:14 pm

Thank you for sharing that with us Ben!!! You really made my day!!! You're awesome -- and I'm really happy that our paths have come together. Keep coming back! We need you and we care about you!

Dallas
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