Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
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Postby Y » Thu Feb 18, 2010 1:23 pm



I am going to be better after all of this--the DUI was my "wake-up" call.

And I am going to "wake" up the REAL Y--find out who she is/will be in the time I have left on earth.

I have always been the healer--the teacher--the one people come to for healing. BUT the lesson I am learning is I am the one who needs to be healed--I NEED to ask for help--GOD--I hate this part..


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Postby butch » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:03 pm


Asking for help is the sign of a strong hearted person, one who knows they cannot do it by themselves.

Tell your story at aa and i am sure you will find out that many others have walked in the dark valley also and are there to support you. Together with them, and God you can survive and grow stronger.


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Postby Y » Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:15 pm


Yes--asking for help is so difficult for me.

But--I've found that so many at AA are like me--have to be in control, have fans, but not real friends. AND many women have shared that they know everything about other peoples' problems, but don't share things about themselves.

I was always popular--smart--could get the "votes" but I was a loner--didn't really connect with anyone.

That's me--I will find out everything I can about someone in the first ten minutes--but I am evasive about myself. AND I am very interested in finding out about people.

I find that very interesting at the age of 51 to discover that about myself--that I share the same traits as my friends at AA.

Finally, I am thankful that I can still think, walk, talk, have teeth. Many of my AA associates don't have those assets.

In my misery, I can see a dim glimmer of how perhaps I can be of service once I recover from my DUI experience. Being of service is what I do best--but I HAVE to ASK for help and get a sponsor.


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Postby sunlight » Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:54 pm

Hi Y! :D

Time for a woman's slant!

I am so happy to have you here on the forum. I don't get a chance to post much because of life circumstances, but I want to welcome you to sobriety and a wonderful new life.

I can tell from your posts that you are a woman of substance and intelligence. And you have teeth!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
These are great assets and can assist you in realizing that you are a beautiful person and worth having all the fantastic things life has to offer - sober!

I used to spill my guts at AA meetings (still do when the guts need to come out :wink:) because it was my life that was at stake. I had to be honest. I knew if I went back to that facade of perfection it would kill me. I needed to be real.
I finally found a sponsor & I could confide in her & not broadcast all my emotions at meetings.

Sounds like you can really relate to the people at meetings. This is so special to me - to know that others understand and have been there, done that. We alcoholics have a special relateability (Geoff, did I spell that right?) to each other. We know the game! And we love each other in a truly genuine way.

I was thinking of your user name and the saying came to me:
"Ours is not to reason why:
Ours is but to do or die."

This is how it was with the steps for me. I didn't question the program. I just did it, cuz I knew if I didn't I'd be dead. If not physically, then mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Here's a bundle of couage for you - :mrgreen: - straight from my heart. Use it to ask a woman to sponsor you to take the steps.

And don't worry too much about the DUI. What will be, will be. And your higher power will see you through it all, as everyone has already said. It's because they know! :D


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Postby Y » Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:13 pm


Thanks for your encouraging note! I didn't know if Dallas was a man or a woman.

Just came home from my second meeting of the day. I heard a woman speak who brought me home. She knocked me out with her power and "hit" the spot with me. Whew..everything she said was right on with me.

However, as usual, I ran out the door afterwards because I couldn't stop crying. A nice man walked out with me and said, "Y--you keep coming back so it must be working!" I mumbled something and jumped in my car (which I really really appreciate since I won't have it to drive soon) and drove straight home.

I did reach out to a man I know in the morning meeting who is the former landlord of my old dance studio. He is a very nice man and has always been good to me.

He has been at three of the meetings I've attended--but I NEVER stay after..
Damnit--I am such a coward.

Shunshine--you know--these emotions freak me out--so many feelings and I am not rehearsed--don't don't this dance I am performing without preparation.

Soooooooo I called him and he left me a vm when I was in the pm meeting. He has decades of AA. I am going to ask him how I can get a sponsor.

It would be too wierd to have him as a sponsor since I know him--but at the rate I am going with my tear-laced race to the door--I am not making progress.

I'm going to call him NOW! Gonna do it--ask him how to get a sponsor.

THANK YOU Sunshine!!!


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Postby Dallas » Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:01 pm

Now you see why we don't have many women here! They mix me up to be a woman -- and I run them off!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Y wrote:In my misery, I can see a dim glimmer of how perhaps I can be of service once I recover from my DUI experience.

I'm going to share with you one of the SECRETS that we never tell newcomers... especially the women newcomers! :wink:

And, there are SECRETS that us AA's that stick around and stay sober know and the new people don't know it! I know this... because I was new once... and I had to sneak up behind old-timers and listen to what they were privately saying to the kids (yes the 51 yr old kids) that they were sponsoring! :wink:

Here's SECRET #1: "Don't wait until you've cleaned up the wreckage of your past -- to start helping others." The reason? If you do that... you probably wont stay sober long enough to clean up the wreckage of your past!!!

The SECRET is: You start at day one... drunk or sober... to try to do something to help another alcoholic! Trust me... this part is not a joke! So, go ahead and get it over and introduce yourself to them and then get busy! You can greet others as they show up to the meeting, regardless if it's their first day or their 50th year in AA! You stick out your hand and welcome them to the meeting and at the end of the meeting you look them in the eye and tell them "Keep coming back!" (And, you go to any lengths to act like you mean it... even if you don't mean it!) :wink: "Act as if" you mean it!

Remember... that to save your butt... the only way you can do it is to try to help someone else save their butt!

Another SECRET: ASK FOR HELP AND ACT LIKE YOU MEAN IT! Here's why: You'll hear it and you'll read it in our book that "We are NOT-God." And, that "we have to stop playing God!"

When we reach out our hand and ask for help -- we are making an admission that we are NOT-God! :lol:

It's important to remember this... because mosk alkies start thinking that they can do what only God can do, and that God will do what only the alkie can do!

You have a job -- and God has a job -- He's the Employer! And, we are the Employees!

An Employee works! Right? You've probably had employees. Right? And, what do you do when they don't work? You fire them and find one that will work!

And, that's how it works! This is another SECRET! You'll hear alkies say "It works if you work it!" WRONG! You don't work it! You work -- and you let it work you! :lol:

So, get to that meeting. Humble yourself and ask for help.... And, immediately... start helping others! You can pour a cup of coffee for someone! You can show up to the meeting at each meeting... and "give them hope that it still works"... by showing up sober! The only time you don't show up is: 1. You're in jail. 2. You're in the hospital. (And, in both of those cases you can call someone and let them know you're in jail or the hospital... and you won't be there to pour coffee! 3. You're dead. In that case... Don't worry about calling. No one will hear you if you do! :lol:

I'll betcha that TODAY... right now... can be the starting of creating a wonderful sober life that's full of peace and purpose! And, the best part is... You've already started! Just keep on keeping on and keep on coming back!

We care about you!


Bobby D
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helping ?

Postby Bobby D » Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:22 pm


I always felt that I wasn't qualified or I was too new to sobriety to think I could even begin help anyone yet... even though you and others indicated that it helped to hear my experiences.... recently an AA 18 years sober (now my sposor ) pulled me aside and explained just that to me... We get better by helping others.. thats part of the program...

Thanks.... and keep coming back !

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Postby Dallas » Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:23 pm

Hey Bobby!!! Great to see you!!! Well... you know what I mean, I think. I see you're message so it makes me feel like I'm seeing YOU!!! :lol:

Bobby wrote:We get better by helping others.. thats part of the program..

Sounds like you hooked up with a great sponsor!!! That IS the program! That's ALL there is!!! :wink:

We get better by helping others to get better! It's a strange paradox. In the "outside world" we learn "we get better by helping ourself". :lol: But, many of us have spent our entire lives... helping ourself! And, look where it got us??? It got us to an empty chair in an AA meeting! :lol:

Getting to that empty chair in an AA meeting is a good thing -- but look at the price we had to pay to earn that chair! :lol:

The 12 Steps prepare you -- to "be of service to others." This is why they are so important! This is the other half of our "on the job training". Our drinking and our problems were the first part of the training. And, the 12 Steps and our personal recovery is the second half of the training!

This fits us (equips us)... to be of "maximum service to God, and those around us." And, that's "our job!"

So, while we're still going through our "on the job training" by staying sober and taking the 12 Steps... we still work behind the counter. :lol: "Yes sir! Glad to see you! Thank you for coming to the meeting! May I get you a cup of coffee?" :lol:

Can you imagine the "psychic flip" a guy gets... when he sees you dressed nicely, your eyes are sparkling and bright... and your hand is not shaking like his is! :lol: The guy feels horrible! Full of guilt, remorse, kicking his own butt, getting his but kicked... and here you are... a sober guy... trying to make him feel welcome and doing something for him -- without asking ANYTHING in return? You're not there to sell him anything. You're not pushing God or a religious sermon down his throat... and you're being friendly to him! :lol:

When it happened to me... It was shock-and-awe! :lol: :lol: "What? Are these people nuts? They must be drinking to act so nice and to be functioning so well! But, they must not be drinking much... or I'd smell it!" -- "Where's my wallet? What are they selling?" :lol: :lol:

Kind of like... when we walked into a bar, or lounge or club... and we thought "Hey! Here's my buds! These are my friends! They understand me and they like me!"

The difference is: in the bar, we were all dieing... together! They didn't really care about us -- we were simply their drinking companions -- so they didn't have to drink alone! :lol: When one of them didn't show up... we figured they were in jail or sick! NEVER did we imagine that they had gone to the big A & A and got "on the wagon"! :lol: :lol:


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Postby tim-one » Tue Feb 23, 2010 8:16 am

Wow, y'all ! I'm diggin' this thread.

Y ... Wow, girl, I'm so tickled to watch you from your first post "getting it". It's a wonder, ain't it? I get incredibly pleased watching newcomer's lights come on. And yours is glowing.

I've hardly ever seen such a solid beginning on Step 1. Amazing. You're already working the program. Don't stop now. Actually, don't stop ever.

I don't know muc about the legalities of DUIs. I DO know how to make any trouble much worse - HAVE A DRINK. It's like pulling the house in on yourself cuz there's a crack in the wall. It's an alcoholic thing.

Keep up the good work. Stay connected. Stay involved. Keep listening and DO what you hear here. You will do well for yourself.

I have a suggestion for you: Keep a copy of this discussion and review it often. Start a "Getting Sober" diary. Remember what you're going through right now. Never forget. It will come in very handy some day when you start feeling strong enough to drink like normal folks. If you're an alcoholic like me, you never will be strong enough to take that first drink.

Eventually, as you WORK through your steps, you will be able to look back on all this fear, angst, shame, consequences, etc. without regret. That's a promise IF you work for it. Is that an "extravagant promise". I say, "HELL NO !" That's what's happened to me. Has that happened to anybody else here?

You, Y, are helping keep me sober today. You're story reminds me of my trip out of hell. You are the most valuable person I've heard from today. Right now, that's your AA service work. Tell it. You help others stay sober by reminding us of where we were, what happened, and what it's like now. Let it be known where you are, what's happening to you. Tell the truth without sugar. Your humble honesty is your best friend.

You're doing a great job. You're doing the most important AA servce you can do. And, by golly, you get to get sober doing it. Keep it up and you'll be staying sober by helping somebody else like you.

Dallas wrote:

The difference is: in the bar, we were all dieing... together! They didn't really care about us -- we were simply their drinking companions -- so they didn't have to drink alone! When one of them didn't show up... we figured they were in jail or sick! NEVER did we imagine that they had gone to the big A & A and got "on the wagon"!

Nicely said brother. At a group in rehab, a newbie said, "I don't know how I'm going to get out of here (rehab) and hang out with my drinking buddies !"

Someone answered, "Well DON'T hang out with them. Hang out with US. We WERE your drinking buddies ! The difference is WE actually care about you when you don't have any booze to share. We just beat you to the unspiked punch."

Love y'all. You're God's hand on me this bright sober morning. The rest of Houston thinks it's cold, grey, and rainy today. :P


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Postby Y » Tue Feb 23, 2010 2:26 pm


Well you made my day sir--or should I say "ya'all." :)

I feel so centered right now. Even though I am going to go through scary horrible things with the DUI, I feel all right. I am learning all sorts of things about DUIs from my AA friends.

And I KNOW it is because of my allies at AA.

I have been SO lonely in my life--ALONE by my choice and filled with fear. But, now I feel like I have people that care about me--really CARE for me.

I simply cannot put into words how comforting it is to sit in the same room with my AA friends.

In fact, just to bask in the light of their sober support gives me strength.

Today in my morning meeting, a man shared about what it was like to be a week sober. He was still a little shaky from not drinking. I had to leave a little early, but when I was walking out, I stopped to put my hand on his shoulder and we looked at each other--really acknowleged each other.

And WHAT a blessing that I have never had DT's, been in prison, homeless or been addicted to pain pills. The stories I have heard have made me realize I've been VERY lucky indeed.

I feel honored to have this opportunity to learn the AA principles.

Tim-One--thank you for making my day!

Your Sober AA Sister Utah,

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