Remember as practicing alkies, we poison our relationships with partners to a degree as well.
For all they want us to quit drinking, its not just that straight forward.
They've adapted to living with and being in a relationship with a drunk, that changes them, makes their thinking change etc etc.
Suddenly we quit and get help. They are left right where they were. From experience, partners often see it along the lines of "you were causing the problems, and now you get the help, and expect everyone to just fall into line, and we the partners are just left to sink or swim." True?
yes there is al-anon, but thats not always as easy, remember how much our poisoned thinking blocked us from getting help, is it fair to assume that others will see they may need help too? I think not.
Suddenly we are not the person they were used to any more, our behaviour changes markedly, and we get people teaching and guiding us how to make it through. They cant do it, add to that they are left with their own adapted (to fit living with an alkie) behaviour which is no longer appropriate, they need to face change again...not easy.
They were looking to 'get us back' from the evil drink. They don't, we go to meetings a lot. We meet and value people they don't know. Thats hard to take, they get jealous of course they do.
Give it time, they will see the transformation beyond quitting drinking. They will realise that we drank everyday or thereabouts and in the early stages we need to treat our alcoholism similarly. We get taught in AA that stopping drinking is just the start of the healing, partners see stopping drinking as the end in itself. They assume that the old us will be back when we remove the drink.
Do ask them to meetings, do communicate, do explain the nature of our illness to them. Explain that the couple of hours out for a meeting is an investment in the quality of the remaining hours you spend with them. At meetings we learn how to do it sober, and how to make the lives of those around us better, by treating our disease. Without meetings we miss this chance to learn, and cannot improve our contribution to the lives of others, and things will become bad between us and our partners as once again we become untreated.
The important thing is to give it time, adapt your meeting schedule if you can of course, but remember I go to meetings firstly for myself, but secondly because I love those around me, and they won't love me if I stop going to meetings.
Hope any of this made sense!!