the need to hit bottom

[sunlight]

I had to have it pointed out to me, at my first meeting, that I had hit my bottom! I honestly didn't know.

I was like the big book says: "They cannot, after a time, differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one."

Yes! That was how it seemed. But these sober alcoholics knew my game and they were a mirror to me, showing me the shambles of my spirit. And they showed me what they did to quit digging and find the way out. Reading the big book was like being exposed - how did they know how I felt & what I did? Could it be that I'm an alcoholic?

I am forever grateful to our founders & to the fellowship. . And I show my gratitude by passing on what I received to others.

Keep it up Angel Eyes, Bobby and everyone else here! You are my inspiration!

[Dallas]

I used to think that my Higher Purpose in life was to help others hit their bottom. Then, it was pointed out to me that I was wrong. I wasn't supposed to be helping hit their bottom -- I was supposed to be helping them raise their bottom!

Once upon a time, many years before sobriety, when I was trying to understand the deeper meanings of reality and Life -- I concluded that my Higher Purpose in Life -- what God's job for me was: to be God's wrath. Whenever someone hurt one of God's kids -- God would send me to cross paths with them and punish them for their wrongs.

Then, when I discovered that all people -- even the most unworthy one's like I was -- were God's kids -- I had to go back to the drawing board!

One of the hardest things for me to accept was: Why in the world -- would God have, and even love -- a kid like me?

I believe it was through accepting other people as God's kids -- even those that I didn't like -- that I was able to finally accept and acknowlege that God is so big and loving -- that He could even love me if He wanted to! Besides, He's God and I'm not. And, that's something that we can all be grateful for!!!

Dallas

[Bobby D]

As usual I am humbled by the responses of this group... It's through your experience and advice that I can continiue to grow and move forward in my sobriety.

[Bensober]

Ditto with Booby D. I'm gonna take some time and absorb all this post. Tradition one & two coming is out strong. I feel the power hear for our common welfare first, personal recovery is in deep on this unity and Ben is Ben, God is God, and Ben ain't God....in this group concious...Thank God!

Thank You All...

Ben H.

[Bensober]

10th Step Bobby,
Just saw my type "O" on the post should be "b" not o!
Ben H.

[angeleyes13]

I was supposed to be helping them raise their bottom!

I never realized it until now, I too have hit my bottom... Thanks for helping me see that.

Angeleyes

[Dallas]

Thank you Keith! I appreciate you sharing!

Dallas

[Bobby D]

I think I may have the same alcoholic brain...I've been going to meetings 5 - 6 days a week for past two months... there is alot of sharing ...and my ego keeps telling me " your not nearly as bad as these guys" maybe this dry out ( 70 days and still sober ) is all you needed....

We have step meetings on Saturdays and I have heard more than once ( in fact many times ) "on my FIRST step 5..or 6...or 12..bla bla bla...I dont want to do this more than once.

I am sober today and for that I am truly greatful...But I know I'm not working the steps like I'm supposed to... I think right now whats keeping me sober is the fellowship.... I don't want to be the one to answer when they ask at the beginning of the meeting " Is this anyones first meeting since there last drink?"

Anyway... my sponser pointed out that there is more to sobriety than being sober, you have to change your outlook and life philosophy.. and you do that by working the steps..NOT white knuckling it.

I'm on step 3.. and quite frankly 4 & 5 seem a lifetime away.... I have a I have to do it my way in my time or I wont do it attitude.... Not too hard sharing my character defects with a higher power.. but with another actual person... I dont know... there is "stuff" buried deep down that I dont know if I am ready to give up just yet...Bet my sponser didn't count on a hard head like me..

Luv this site too..it's a great addition to meetings.. . Always get very insightful information... I like the elevator anology.. bout time to push the stop button and start climbing the stairs back UP

Thanks and god bless...


Bob

[Dallas]

Thank you for sharing Bob! I think my name or the names of many more of us... could have been at the end of that same message that you shared!!! I understand! I had the exact same experience.

One of my old problems -- that's still a problem that I have to watch for is: I'll suit up, show up, do the work, go to meetings, fellowship.... my life starts getting so good... that I'll slack off of what I was doing that caused my life to get so good! "Oh! I'm not that bad today! It won't hurt anything to skip (this or that) today! I'll do it tomorrow!" Then, comes tomorrow... and same thing... over and over again... until I end up with a wedgie that creates a super-sized pain in the butt!!!

And, while that wedgie is in the butt... it sure makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other foot to get my butt back to where it needs to be... that it's only been by the Grace of God... that I didn't drink!!!

The great thing is: when it comes to our mind and we become aware of it, we have a choice... continue what we're doing and watch where the other shoes land (usually on our head) ... or get our feet moving and our butt back into gear!

Sometimes, regardless of how long we've been sober or how good it got... we can hit an unexpected speed bump in the middle of a road that wasn't supposed to have any speed bumps in it! And, we'll be traveling so fast -- that the unexpected jolt will take us out!

This is why I believe "One Day At A Time"... doesn't have as much to do with drinking as it does to do with "the actions we must take each day... one day at a time" that will keep us sober, happy, joyous and free!

In a way, I think it's a blessing that we have to keep working and doing. If we didn't -- we'd get half-way through the work, maybe stay sober... but our life would suck!

My life sucked for too long! I want the good stuff and the good life that I can only get by using the same tools that I have to use... to stay sober!

Don't beat up on yourself! It won't help. Just laugh and learn and change! It's easier to change when we're laughing and learning... instead of beating ourselves up over the same mistakes that each and every one of us make!

Best wishes for you!

Dallas

[angeleyes13]

So, I was sitting with my husband last night watching television, and I was like, "Oh, honney I almost forgot, yesterday was my one month of sobriety!" He smiled at me and I smiled back It was a good feeling! That was the BEST feeling, and it reminds me of how far I've come.

I really like what Dallas wrote,

This is why I believe "One Day At A Time"... doesn't have as much to do with drinking as it does to do with "the actions we must take each day... one day at a time" that will keep us sober, happy, joyous and free!

For the first time, in a long time, I really feel free!

I haven't been to many meetings. It was so hard to find a female sponser with any sober time! I know I need to be working the steps, because like you've all said, "It isn't just about the drinking, it's about changing the way our alcoholic brains work!" I don't want to continue thinking the way that I do! I've also been working alot more lately, and I've taken up a couple of projects. Staying busy does keep my mind off of drinking, but then I find that I don't have time or energy to foccus on my recovery... It is an ugly cycle! I need to learn boundaries and how to balance my time more effieciently!