You and I have experienced the samething in many ways!
I too have forgotten about my Higher Power and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions from time to time over the years.
Fortunately it has not happend in a long time now.
The best part about the situation to me was simple: I was able to realize the journey I was preparing for before entering the pathway of dispair and death of spirit, if not self!
I'm glad you saw the path life, the recovery life again!