"To those of you who are here to have your court slips signed please sit down and shut up and be respectful of those of us who are here because we want to be."
I thought it was just plain rude, unwelcoming and against the spirit of AA unity. I was pleased that the person chairing the meeting called her on her #%@ and it was apparent that this wasn't the first time she had to be spoken to about things like this. She is a person who comes to meetings daily and I get the feeling she stirs up a lot of drama like this.
That didn't turn me against AA. It did turn me against her though. Great..........now I need to go do a 4th step deal about her?
I tend to gravitate towards the old timers who seem to have a healthy attitude and a brand of sobriety that I want.
The scary part of this is I probably know her. But here I think there is some defence.
There is a difference between what is rude and "what I dont' like". Most if not all of us bristle at being told what to do. If you study manners, (and I do, Emily Post to Miss Manners, and for fun, no less) There is a social rule that is rarely observed but very correct.
You are not allowed to correct the behavior of an adult.
If the first lady was wrong, then the one correcting her
was inexcusible, as she added to the problem and invited (by being in a position of leadership and indulging in this rude behavior) everyone in the group to correct each other, a thing never allowed in polite society, and not all that helpful in a meeting, either.
And so we come to the difference between polite society and AA.
We are very much involved in correcting the behavior of other adults.
If people were told to "sit down and shut up" it is fair to assume that they are not seated, and not quiet, and/or there was a history of disquiet and movement. Were they disrupting the speaker or was this pre-emptive? Does the meeting get out of hand on a regular basis? Has this woman ever been observed walking up to people not in a meeting that were sitting and say reading and asking them to "sit down and shut up"?
(PS. Have you ever been to Fremont?)
The other part of her statement: To those of you who are here to have your court slips signed......."please.....be respectful to those of us that want to be here."
This is a plea, very proper and she even gets bonus points for saying please.
(Ok, "shut up" isn't the most gracious phrasing (or the most effective)
How about something like this:
"I wish to extend a special welcome to those of you that are here by court order today. We know you may not wish to be here and want to make this experience as painless for eveyone as possible. Please feel free to participate as little or as much as you would like, and if you don't wish to participate at this time, I invite you to respect the members and spirit of the meeting by quietly sitting through our meeting. There is liturature available to amuse yourself during the meeting if you didn't bring a book, MP3 or have texting abilities. We will be signing slips at the end of the meeting for those that are not disruptive, and we are glad to see you even if you are not glad to see us. By the way, Inez G did the baking this week, so please help yourself to a cup of coffee and cookie or three."
Meaner than the original phrase, more manipulative and yet....
Court slips: there are two schools of thought:
One: that you should sign them at the end of the meeting, forcing the poor sap that has run afoul of the law to sit through the meeting in the hopes that a seed is sown. At least a seed other than resentment being forced to be in AA. (This was usually my thought)
Two: Sign the slips right off the bat, and everyone that doesn't want to be in the meeting for the full time can go. Those that don't want to be there don't have to stay, resentfull and disruptive and might be more receptive to working the program if and when they return of their own free will. (Leaning this way)
"I was pleased that the person chairing the meeting called her on her #%@"
You got pleasure
from this? A person publicly challanged and shamed by the leader of an AA meeting? During
"and it was apparent that this wasn't the first time she had to be spoken to about things like this."
Let's explore why it is acceptable to "call her on her !@#$%^&*, and tell her to [shut up and sit down] and it not acceptable to call those with court slips on their loud mouthed, disruptive behavior on THEIR !@#$%^&*?
Perhaps because she in annoying in other ways? Old, Bossy? BTW, it is amazing that if you can answer in the negative "Do I find this person attractive?" How very unsympathetic they can be.
I wonder why she says what she does? Has she seen this meeting deteriorate?
There is no threat in newcomers to one's ideas or ideology. Old Timers are
at threat to almost everybody.[It's like hanging out with nuns, teachers or cops.Fine people, of course, but socially it's hard to be at your ease with them.
Have you ever been to a meeting that celebrates old-timers? I've only heard of one group in AA that it is ok to judge, evaluate their sobriety, dismiss and disrespect. It's not the newcomer.
I'm amazed that she goes to daily meetings. I don't know if I could. Does anyone take her to coffee?
"Great..........now I need to go do a 4th step deal about her?
I tend to gravitate towards the old timers who seem to have a healthy attitude and a brand of sobriety that I want."
Not those poor shlubs that have been screwing it up for 30 years. They should be thrown out.
The eyeroll should indicate everything you need to know about step 4
Fireman Mike once told me that whenever some one didn't like where he was at in his program he would say "Yeah, but you don't know what I was like when I got here".