And here I am 8 months after I wrote that a prim example of what happens if I don't live it.
A few words a popping in my head this morning.
On page 79 of my Big Book I have written "To Any Lengths" on the top of the page. Now, I wrote that when I was first getting sober and my sponsor told me I had to go to any lengths to get sober. What I see today is that I also have to be willing to go to any lengths to STAY sober. ( I'm sure he told me that also, but I have selective hearing at times)
I have been to 3 meetings in 4 months, I haven't done any step work in 8 months, I haven't tried to help another alcoholic in 10 months. and I haven't talked to my sponsor in 7 months... and if you ask me I can have a legitimate excuse for everyone of them...
I stopped believing that I needed meetings, God, Big Book, sponsor or AA as a whole. I shut it all out of my life.
I didn't want to do anything that had to do with staying sober, I stop trying.
I stopped doing what got me sober in the first place.
I sit here today wondering why I am not happy and why there are so many things going wrong in my life. Why do I have at least one thought a day about drinking?
A few days ago I had my 22 months anniversary and I didn't even know it, I forgot about my 18 month one also. I don't celebrate being sober, I don't work for it, I don't care about it and I know if I don't get into some action I will get drunk.
So, here I am writing this post trying to be honest, open-minded, willing, not a dumb-a** and trying to take action.
I need to find my way back.