- we can still be friends

we can still be friends




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

we can still be friends

Postby blueangel » Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:47 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: My ex hubby who is still drinking said that to me today. This makes me wonder about what he meant by us remaining friends. Excuse me if I am wrong, and please correct me if I am but my ex'es interpetation of us being friends consists of the following:

1. Be my friend since your income is higher than mine and I need you to take up all the slack of my bills that don't paid because I drink my paychecks away.
hmmmm my reply was to be forced into bribing him to get him off my checking account but at least he can no longer access my money. I made arrangements with the bank to stop the insurance payment on his vehicle from coming out of my account. the $350 check I gave him when he moved out I put a stop payment on when I realized he had run up and ridiculous amount of bills here in the last couple weeks he was here, and also to reimburse me for the things he simply stole as he was moving out. Good thing he didn't have a bigger truck or the furniture would have vanished also.

2. Be my friend since I may occassionally want sex and I don't know any other women that would have me on a bet
hmmmmm NOT!!! that well ran dry a LONG time ago

3. Be my friend so you can go to court and lie like a dog to protect me from any prosecution now or in the future, especially since you are the only person I know that is capable of showing up in any courtroom without getting a public intoxacation arrest.
hmmmm No I don't think so. I have to work on me and my own recovery, and can't do this while covering for you anymore.

4. Be my friend so I will have someone to call and cry to on the phone, or worst yet, talk about OUR problems.
hmmmm No I'm sorry when what few friends you have left get tired of you whining and crying in your beer and puking on their floors you can find more new friends to use and abuse. As far as OUR problems go WE have no problems anymore... you are there and I am here, hence the end of all of our problems

5. Be my friend because I'm on the last couch of friends that I have since I wore my welcome out at all of the others houses, and I may need to improve my lifestyle from living in my truck to a nice home, such as YOURS!
Hmmmm lets see I paid for an RV and signed it over to you in return for you taking your name off my checking account, so as I see it you can park that RV anywhere including your bosses parking lot, till you get fired, and besides that I need to work on my own recovery and can no longer be neck deep in the melodrama of your daily life, because I chose the sober road and a hope for recovery while you choze booze over family and everything else in your life, because you are a very ill person and I have to recover myself without allowing anyone to drag me down with them again.

sorry I needed to rant and there didn't appear to be a rant section on here :lol: :lol: :lol: My cats have yet to understand ranting. They just think I'm mad at them. Yuck this post almost sounds like a whining ALANON post ....sorry folks <gag> Kay :shock:

THNAK GOD, the BB, and AA bigtime or I would have ended up in a bar somewhere after this day, but I'm still sober and trying.
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

nice thing about hindsight is I notice I really have...

Postby blueangel » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:00 pm

my head up my butt today, and really need to remove it :lol: :lol: :lol:
blueangel
 
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

The solution

Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:10 pm

Hey blueangel,

It's nice to rant and rave sometimes... it makes us feel good for the moment, but it rarely does much good for us, for the long-haul.

Actually, you've made a good start. You've made a list of who your angry or resentful at, what they did that made you angry or resentful... which means that you have two columns of your Resentments Inventory partially filled out for you!!!

Now, you just need to look at how it affected you, what your part was in it, what you did to set the ball in motion, what the exact nature of your character defects are, and what you could have done differently.

I know that it sucks to hear that!!!! But... that's how it works.

We take "our inventory" instead of the "other persons inventory."

The neat part about doing it that way, is that we get to make "our amends" instead of having to "make their amends" as a result of taking their inventory.

Don't you just hate me by now?

I would rather that you not like me, and allow me to say something that might help you stay sober... and discover how to live happy, joyous and free... regardless of what anyone else does... Instead of have you like me, and me not tell you the truth... and you end up drinking over it.

The bottomline is... you've got to focus on your recovery... not his recovery.

You've got to allow him to discover his Higher Power, while admitting that you are not it.

Sometimes, the more we try to "save" someone else... the deeper into the pit we push them.

Let go... and grab on. I know that sounds strange. It is strange. But, it works. Let go of your way of doing things, and grab on to the 12 Steps way of doing things, and everything will work out all right.

As long as you keep doing it your way... you're going to keep getting the same results that you've always got... which is the same thing.

If you want the music to change... change the record!!!

Now, it would be a good idea to go over to www.step12.com/step-4.html and download the inventory instructions and the 4 inventory pages....

Go ahead and finish them up while everything is fresh on your mind... and go from left to right on the columns...

When you're finished... let me know. We can set you up with someone to talk it over with....

Take care... and you already know this... but I'll say it again... "KEEP COMING BACK!!!"

Dallas
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go figure...lol

Postby blueangel » Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:05 am

I pout and get homework :lol: Yes, dallas your words were very honest,

as always, and why in the world would I get mad over honesty? I need

the honesty very badly even if I have to crouch in the corner

occassionally in the fetal position due to my own imaturity and

shortcomings, it's all for the greater good eh? Hope I have enough printer

paper for the checklists, since I'm down to 400 pages of it. Oh well wally

world is open 24/7 for printer paper emergencies. Nice to know there a

few sane people out there that are willing to deal with my insanity and

steer me in the right direction and hopefully reach a day that my own

insanity ends or at least subsides to manageable proportions. Thank you

for the reality check...I needed it, Kay
blueangel
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:38 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

Re: go figure...lol

Postby new2this » Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:14 am

blueangel wrote:I pout and get homework :lol: Yes, dallas your words were very honest,

as always, and why in the world would I get mad over honesty? I need

the honesty very badly even if I have to crouch in the corner

occassionally in the fetal position due to my own imaturity and

shortcomings, it's all for the greater good eh? Hope I have enough printer

paper for the checklists, since I'm down to 400 pages of it. Oh well wally

world is open 24/7 for printer paper emergencies. Nice to know there a

few sane people out there that are willing to deal with my insanity and

steer me in the right direction and hopefully reach a day that my own

insanity ends or at least subsides to manageable proportions. Thank you

for the reality check...I needed it, Kay


Hello again, Blueangel!

Good to see ya back here! It's been sort of a wild ride after the site going down and all!

You had a couple of posts and..... imagine this.....I had a couple of thoughts! :shock: :shock:

1. While big doses of truth might kind of suck sometimes....they're really pretty helpful for the most part. :D

2. On that note, I thought I might pass on something that I've learned from experience on the issue about printer cartridges.......You'll save a fortune by just buying the book(s). Those cartridges are expensive no matter where you shop!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I hope all is well with you and that tomorrow is a great day for ya!!

Take Care,

Cathy
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Location: USA

Postby crickit » Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:53 pm

Hi blueangle. I know what you are going through. My relationship with hubby is so up and down it's crazy and he says things like that too. He wants to be freinds. When he's being nice I think, maybe we can work things out because he does love me. Duh.....now that doesn't matter anymore. He hasn't treated me very well as a wife why would I want him as a freind. He is still constantly threatening to take off and leave me high and dry after already committing to pay my rent. So it's up and down all the time. At least until this weekend.

Saturday, he purposely tried to push my buttons but this time I didn't fall for it. Unfortunately, the more he couldn't upset me the harder he tried. By Sunday morning he was so upset he left for work mad. But you know what, I was fine. I hadn't done anything to upset him other than not get upset myself. So when I asked him why he was so angry, he had nothing to say. I told him I hope he was feeling better soon and said good-bye. I need sober healthy happy freinds and he's not one of them. I found that when I get angry it only fuels his anger and makes me feel terrible. He still has a way of making me feel like it's my fault. So now I just refuse to engage in his ranting and raving.

Don't ever apologize for venting. That is what the forum is for. I know I've done it a few times myself LOL. (and got the same kick in the pants from Dallas LOL)

We need to stay focused on our recovery and when we slide the people here can get us back on track. It's saved my butt a few times.

HAPPY 24 HOURS
Crickit
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