Do you care about your sobriety?

[sunlight]

I was going to post this under another topic, but it seems to deserve a voice of its own.

My sponsor just told me of 2 men who had over 20 years sobriety who went back out drinking.

She talked to these men personally. They told her they belived in their innermost beings that they were alcoholic and that alcohol was poison to them. They said they knew they could never safely drink.

And they said they DIDN'T CARE!

They just said to themselves, "Screw it."

Of course my sponsor & I tried to analyze the crap out of it: was it a lack of humility? were their expectations too high? was the moon in Jupiter? blah , blah.......

We can never know what goes on in another's heart & mind, but it was a big whammy for me.

That's why I continue to take the actions every day & night that keep me sober. No slack.

And if you ever hear me getting apathetic or complacent, please invite me to the nearest detox or morgue.

Thank you
sunlight

[Tim]

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
(Alcoholics Anonymous p. 43)

Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. His drunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted by people in authority; they result from his personal disobedience to spiritual principles.
(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 174)

[butch]

thanks Tim for the reminders. YES i care today about my sobrity. that said, i have to remember that this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful uveryday and i cannot let down my guard for a second. i must start each and every day with HIM and use Him as needed throughout the day. i can only stay sober one day at a time with His help.
butch

[Dallas]

Sad to say, that over the years I've seen it often. And, the truth is: I could be the next one. Sometimes, people will laugh or scorn when I say that -- or they'll say "how does that give anyone hope?" Well, hope -- without truth -- is nothing more than fantasy.

I say Fact for Me... because you may not consider it fact for you. I'm not here to debate your reality.

Fact for me: Alcoholism is fatal.

Fact for me: The longer I'm sober -- the alcoholism still progresses.

Fact for me: If I pick up that next drink -- I'm screwed. It's not a matter, then, of "simply choosing" not to have the next one. My alcoholism will demand the next one.

Fact for me: I have seen AA's that I consider very much better than me, and way more spiritual than me -- that have returned to drinking.

Those are the facts that I carry with ME every single day.

In the BB, I do find many instructions and information that I can use to better insure my continued sobriety. I used to tell people that it was a guarantee -- almost like a promise. My observation of other facts -- leave me in a place, where I'm not really sure. I don't know. Simple. Often, for me, guarantees and promises -- are two of the worse things you can give me! When I have those, I tend to get a bit arrogant and arrogance is just as deadly for an alkie -- as anger is.

So, why haven't I taken my next drink -- yet?

Here is what I "think" -- I don't know it for sure, so don't rely on it!

I think -- it's because -- I've found what I was looking for -- in the bottle.

And, it's that simple for me. It took a lot of actions and some time for me to get where I am "today". And, I don't have tomorrow. And, I do -- have a choice. If I didn't have a choice about it (about taking the actions to try to grow what I've got) -- I might as well go ahead and have that next drink.

So, for me:
1. I had to take actions to get where I'm at.
2. I have to take actions to stay where I am.
3. But, I can't stay where I am long -- that's called dead.
4. I MUST keep taking actions to "grow forward".
5. I found what I was looking for in the bottle -- in sobriety.
6. If I stop finding what I was looking for in the bottle, in sobriety -- I'll go back to the bottle again to see if there was one little nook or cranny where I might have overlooked it! (The insanity).
7. And, above I miss spelled bottle at bootie so I had to go back and fix it! Which means I need some laughter and humor in my life -- even when facing tragic or deadly things. If I get too serious I could have a heart attack and die -- and then I wouldn't be able to feel my belly giggle when I laugh! And, I'd miss out on my next cup of coffee!

I might have messed up -- above. I'm only on my 2nd cup of coffee and it's early! You may want to come back later and see if I changed what I wrote -- that's why I say -- DON'T DEPEND ON ME! We MUST depend on a Power Greater than Ourselves -- and a Power Greater Than ME!!!
Dallas

[Bensober]

I used to say "if I'm in recovery...its impossible to drink"! Then after 21 + years... I drank! The statement I made may be true. But I or i or any other form of "I" can't afford to attempt to interpret me. A good friend in the program keeps reminding me that "I am not qualified to run my life". Everything on this post, the Big Book, fellowship, 12X12 Book, oh yeah almost forgot...God! They all seem to have better suggestions to help me get and stay sober.

My arrogance as well as other character defects that I had put off as "other peoples problems with me" literally almost killed me. An important definition of an "idiot" is someone "who isn't teachable". I became that! One of the biggest of these problems was not knowing that I could simply reach out for help and you in a real connection would be there for me (as you have). This post is the best I've heard all week to add value to soberness. It hurts, it doesn't or does have to make sence, it feels good, it feels bad, and I haven't had to take a drink! There now I can go forth and it serves you! The Primary Purpose! AA you are truly our friend!

Ben H.

[GeoffS]

I care enough about my sobriety to hand my will and my life over to the CARE of god on a daily basis. That includes my sobriety, so when I remain spiritually fit and god conscious, god takes care of everything.

He does a good job too, especially with no interference from me.

[Dallas]

I wish I could say the same. It would be a luxury if God would just do it for me. Me? I have to work my butt off. But, I don't mind. Sobriety is worth it. When I turned my will and life over to the care of God, what that means for me is: I turned the results of my efforts over to God. God won't make the effort for me. He won't do the work for me. I have to do that. That's my job. His job was to give me the tools to do the work -- and to be responsible for the results, when I use His tools. Simple. But, not easy. By using the tools of 4 through 9, that I "made a decision" to use -- in Step 3, at Step 10... I was restored to sanity. I was informed by the book, that God gave me a brain and He expects me to use it. Use it or lose it. In Step 10, He also returned my will to me -- after He over-hauled it. He expects me to use my will, to make plans, and to carry out the plans. When I eat -- I have to work for the food. I have to work for money to spend. And, I have to work to keep my sobriety... "achieve and maintain".

Not trying to be in disagreement w/ anyone. Just thought that perhaps it would be a fair-and-balanced discussion, if I shared how "I have to do it." Perhaps, some newcomer reading this -- will have received the same "curse" that I did -- where I have to work -- by the sweat of my brow.

Dallas

[Bensober]

No Dallas,
Please disagree. That's why this program is soooooo...different than lets say psychiatry. There you go to a “shrinkâ€

[RichC]

Do you care about your sobriety?

Interesting question.

My answer goes like this.

Is it in my top 10 of things I care most about?
No.
Now don't be shocked.
I will caveat this by saying if I didn't care about it, then the top 10 would not be at all.
Most likely I would not be here either.
Like Dallas I struggle every single day.
Is my Higher Power watching over me?
Sometimes I wonder, and other times it is clear he is.
Every day is a new start and a new test.
Sometimes I pass with flying colors.
Most times I fail.
But hey guess what?
When I realize it I find I learned a lesson that reminds me why I am what I am. An Alcoholic.
I am pretty damn good at getting in my own way.
No so good at stayin out of it.
But I am learning.
One Day at a Time.
One step at a time.
I can live with that.
Because the alternative I cant.

2668 Days and counting.

[Ranman99]

This is a good thread. All of the above for sure.

I like to feel that I am growing a bit each week and if I'm not recognize that in so many ways I'm slipping back fast.

Scary part is I don't always see it before it is pointed out to me so I need people around me that don't mind telling me truths.

I'm a classic isolator so when someone says to me "do you mind if I tell you something" (ususally my wife so it did turn out to be a good thing to let her keep me around(that didn't sound right)).

I usually say OK I need to get a drink of water (which I intentially do so I can keep my mouth shut long enough to listen) then I take some actions.

Some times it's like ripping a band aid off.

For me the quicker the better;-)