- Scared, no control

Scared, no control




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Scared, no control

Postby fletch » Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:13 pm

I have admitted i have a drinking problem and that i cannot control my drinking. What has really scared me now that i have admitted this is that i feel trapped and scared that something is controling me it,s bigger than me. I had never seen it like this till the last few days and it makes me feel so scared that i have no control, that i dont know what is going to happen. I cant trust myself. It is the worst feeling i have had through my whole drinking career and it makes me feel so vunerable and afraid.
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Postby Dallas » Mon Jul 12, 2010 4:46 pm

Hello Fletch. I understand. That's the way I felt when I first got sober. I felt that way at the end of my drinking and at the beginning of my sobriety. They told me to hang in there, that I was feeling feelings and that feelings always change. They assured me that "this too shall pass." And, they were right. For me, newly sober felt like a fish out of water. I was just flopping around grasping at anything I could to hang on. What helped me was talking to other alkies about it. And, going to meetings where I could share what was going on w/ me. Often, more than half the meeting room would light up and tell me "Hey! It was that way for me, too!"

Keep coming back. I call it my anxiety attacks when I was feeling that way. The feelings were new. They eventually went away. Some said that this was alcohol -- calling my name. I guess they could have been right, too -- so, I hung in there and did whatever it took -- not to take a drink.

You'll get better. We all did.

Dallas
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Postby RichC » Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:05 pm

Welcome Fletch.
Smokers call what your feeling as Jonesing.
Like Dallas says just hang in there it will pass.

Remember what got you here in the first place; and why you wanted change.
Play it out in your mind what would happen if you didn't make this decision.
Where you would be, what would happen to you and those around you if you continued down the same old path.
What you and those around you would lose.

My guess is that it is not a very good movie.

Ask your Higher Power to help.

Been there myself and I managed to get through the hard times.
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Postby Bensober » Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:36 am

Welcome Fletch,

Step 1 of AA is: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable".

This powerless word is specifically designed to stop our old conditioning of control and being in control. The loss of control and feeling like something was controlling me…left me in shear terror too Fletch and awakened me at the same time. The alcoholic mind is very tricky Fletch. It, before and beginning sobriety thinks it needs to control a lot of things even when we quit attempting to control alcohol through our drinking.

I find today that using the word “powerlessâ€
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Postby fletch » Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:00 pm

Sharing on here though i have only done a few posts and reading what others have gone and going through is allready making me feel less lonely. Dallas yor right about talking to other alkies. I have not gone back to a meeting for some years now as at that time i could not share i am still dealing with that now but i am thinking the more i open up on here that maybe i can open up at meetings. I am just taking a day at a time but i allready know the relief it brings coming on to this web site. It feels like a life saver.

RichC What you say about remembering what got us here in the first place makes sense. I find the mind when i want a drink starts playing out so many senario,s of why i will be ok to have one drink and how it will be so diffeent this time. I think coming on here and sharing and reading and remembering why each day i am here and not drunk will def work towards drowing out those thoughts and not drowning them out with drink.
When i do get a craving to drink everything positive just seems to go out of my mind it,s crazy. I get so angry and fustrated i can feel the alcoholic taking over.

Bensober the alcoholic mind is sure tricky i hate it, it takes over and it does it so easily. I never knew or really thought how much i do like to control, i find myself doing it so much. I do try to let go of control but it is so hard to, it,s almost like i cant allow myself to relax. I think i am a bit of a control freak i just never really realised how much.

It really helps sharing and reading your comments i thank you all as it really is a life saver. I have come on here each day and i lookforward to it as it just gives me something that i have not managed to get any where before with support and help to stop.

Two days sober. I am trying not too think to much about the weekends as i find that so difficult i have though managed to plans some things that will keep me busy and are not connected with the booze in any way.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Jul 14, 2010 1:54 am

Good to hear from you fletch. Congrats on another day sober. At least you're doing all that you can do for right now. And, that's all that any of us can do. I'm sure that if we were able to do more now -- we would. I don't mean that as a cop out or anything. It just seems to be reality. We have to stretch as far as we can stretch in the moment. But, we seem to be able to only stretch as far as we can stretch. I've discovered that giving myself a little bit of credit for doing what I can do, is a lot better than beating myself up for things that I can't do. When I beat myself up it only makes it worse and more difficult to do what I can do.

Here is two things that were and still are a major help to me.

1. Conventions and Round-ups. We don't really have to do anything at a convention or round-up other than be there. We can stick to ourselves and we don't even have to talk to anyone other than to be kind and say hello and keep it to small talk if we do talk.

For me, just being in the middle of a huge crowd of alkies -- that are staying sober and having fun seems to energize me. And, it totally gives me an awakening that "Nope. I'm not alone." And, after visiting a convention or round-up with hundreds, or even thousands of other alkies -- it made it a lot easier for me to be with them in smaller situations like smaller meetings. It helped me to feel like I really did belong with them and that helped me to go to the meetings more often and to feel more comfortable when I did go.

2. The other thing that was a big help: Rather than focusing on "not drinking" I began focusing on "staying sober." It sounds the same, but it isn't.

We tend to manifest that which we think about. And, the brain and will power doesn't seem to understand "not" doing something. So, when we use our brain or will power to "not" do something -- we're using it for the wrong reason because it just doesn't work that way.

Example: If I focus on "not" drinking, my brain doesn't understand or seem to hear the "not"... so, my intention of doing "not" drinking results in my brain only comprehending the "drinking" part. It seems to automatically disregard the "not" in front of the drinking. So, when I would spend my efforts towards "not" drinking -- it would tend to make me thirsty.

What I discovered I could do to change it was: Think about what I need to do to stay sober. I don't need to think about "not" drinking to stay sober -- because that's simple common sense -- that I already know and don't have to think about. So, I focus on what I have to do in the moment to "achieve and maintain" sobriety... Example: Go to a meeting. Talk to another alkie. Read the Big Book. Pray. Meditate. And, stuff like that. For me, it worked.

Dallas
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Postby fletch » Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:59 pm

Dallas what you said about focusing on staying sober rather than not drinking actually for my mind seems to work better and takes some pressure off. It,s very early days but it helps. It takes my mind a little of the booze and works on the staying sober. Everything i can do to stay sober. Taking one day at a time. I am at the end of Day 6 and so glad to be here and sober.
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Postby Dallas » Sat Jul 17, 2010 7:42 pm

Glad to hear from you fletch. It works for me!
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Postby Sermon » Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:13 pm

Fletch,

This is a serious time being new in sobriety. It was descibed to me as an emotional rollercoaster. Some days will be great others will be not so great, and some will be just days. My suggestion is get involved in the group. More than likely they will be more than willing to let you do something. Wether it be making the coffee before the meeting, sweeping the floor after the meeting, greeting the members as they walk in (you can also meet new people that way), washing coffee cups, etc... just get involved!!!!!! Build a fellowship. Getting numbers and picking up that telephone is a great start. Sometimes memebers will not be able to talk to you and not answer your call but.... don't get your feelings hurt, some of us have become members of this society again and have lives. It's not about them answering or not it's about you making the effort to take time out of your day and see how someone else it doing rather than dwelling on how bad your doing. Selfishness and Self centerdness seemed to be the root of our troubles.
The thing that worked for me the most was Service work. No matter what it was. Doing something for someone else that didn't ask me too nor did I ask for anything in return. Weither it be, clean the house, vacum, dust, mop, sweep. Yard work, mowing, weedeating, whatever. Washing the car, whatever I needed to do to keep my mind off of booze. Doing this service work does keep my mind off of drink and I also get a sense of instant gradification knowing the reason I did it was not because I wanted to be noticed but I did it to stay solber. It sounds crazy but it works. Service Work is one of the roots of recovery.
Get a Sponsor and use them! Hit the steps fearlessly!! Listen to what they have to say. I never could learn anything until I became teachable. Listen to what they have to say even if right now you don't agree. Read the Big Book, study this book! Take as many notes as you can. This is a ##### game, you're either all in or you fold and go back out. Sounds cruel but we're dealing with our lives her nothing less. Try not to overthink anything (we tend to do that). KISS= Keep It Simple Stupid..... Best of wishes to you and if you work hard enough at it you just might find that what you were looking for in that bottle you had all along.
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Postby Dallas » Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:07 pm

Welcome to the site Sermon. I appreciate what you shared. It pretty much worked and works this way for me, too. Great suggestions and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Dallas
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