Scared, no control

[Sermon]

Hey Dallas

I would love to take credit for what I write but I ask for inspiration and an intuative thought before every time I speak in a meeting and everytime I write. I ask to have God make a channel through me so that another member may stay solber.

[fletch]

Sermon it sure is a emotional Roller Coaster. Day 11 and i have to remember just to concentrate on today as i keep catching myself thinking ahead. I have not gone back to meetings this time and i know i probably need to but it stresses me out just thinking about going sharing and being around people i dont know i am not confident in a room around people i dont know and i know you only speak if you want to but i feel a pressure to speak and i dont like speaking infront of groups of people.

This week has been hard because on top of the drinking i seem to have problems caused by smoking and now have to think about quiting that. I know people have a lot worse problems but i just needed to share as today it,s getting all a bit much and just need to share and breathe.

[RichC]

Sharing is not a requirement in meetings.
If you don't feel the need to then don't.
Nobody should hold that against you.
If they do find another or Bigger meeting you can fade into.
After awhile you get to know the people and it comes easier.

Careful about holding committee meetings in your head.
Find something to occupy your time and hands preferably.
Got an old hobby you used to enjoy?

[fletch]

I agree with you Richc about finding a old hobby. Before drink became a problem i use to do alot of things that did not involve drinking or being anywhere near it. I am going to try somethings i use to enjoy, drinking became a priority and everything i enjoyed seem to vanish.

I do realise how important a meeting is. I am going to look up some meetings in my area and make a plan to go and not think how i may feel just going to do it. I do still feel there is a part of me that does not want to go cause i feel i can do it my way but deep down i know thats absolute rubbish and it,s the alcoholic in me kidding myself i can control it.

My head feels so mixed up it,s crazy but just a day at a time i can handle it.

[Dallas]

it stresses me out just thinking about going sharing and being around people i dont know i am not confident in a room around people i dont know and i know you only speak if you want to but i feel a pressure to speak and i dont like speaking infront of groups of people.

Which stresses you more:

1. Going back to the meetings. Or...
2. Knowing that you're going to die if you don't?

If you don't stay sober your drinking WILL kill you -- regardless of how many hobbys you have or had.

Imagine seeing your casket being laid into a hole -- and what friends and family you have left -- standing around weeping, sobbing and hurting. Then, hearing one of them say softly... "God. If he'd only went to a meeting instead...."

We all understand failure. AA is the only place I know of that failure is a requirement -- other than, maybe death... We've got to fail living to die. And, in AA we've got to fail living -- to re-qualify to live.

And, the truth is: It's your Ego that's stressing you out -- in regards to going to the meetings -- which you know -- that if you go and do what you need to do -- you, too -- can live -- sober.

The Ego is the thing that keeps us thinking about ourselves. Keeps us wondering stuff like "what will they think about me?" Who gives a crap about what "they" think about us? Let's live man. Let's live!

Dallas

[KT]

Good Words guy's....really makes you think and stay on track. Think I'm really going to enjoy this site and keep listening (reading) as sometimes we just need to sit back and take it all in.

Thanks again,

Kathy