first real test

Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:32 pm

Welcome back, Bobby D.!!! Glad you remembered we were here, too! :lol:

Keep coming back! These guys here on the forum are rock solid in their recovery and they have the experience that they are willing to pass on to you, to make sure that you recover, too! My suggestion is: Listen to them. Take heart with what they share. The only reason they come here is to help guys like us. I know from my own experience, that I would have to go to hundreds of meetings just to find guys like these -- and hundreds more, to hear what they share with us. It helps me and I'm sure that it will help you, too!

Best wishes!


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Postby RichC » Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:36 pm

Well ya SOB ya went and did it didn't ya!!!
Thew your whole life away for a drink!!!

Just kidding ya Bob.
Is that what you expected?
Is that what ya wanted to hear?
If so then then there ya are. Ya got it. Time to move on...
We all make decisions that we regret and obviously you regret the one you made.
It is good thing you realized it and are willing to give it another try.
I commend you on that.
I have seen many a person I thought was unshakable relapse.
I was afraid if they couldn't do it I couldn't either.
But when you (or the group) examine what happened that led up to the relapse I/we saw a pattern.
They all had one thing in common.
They allowed themselves to be in a situation they knew walking in they may not be able to handle.
Every one of them also went in that situation without a plan on what they were going to do in the event the unexpected or expected presented itself.
Of course the best thing to do is to avoid it if possible. But of course that isn't always practical.
So you have learned a valuable lesson in maintaining sobriety.
You cannot make decisions for You on the spur of the moment.
So when the next time comes around, take a few and run the scenarios through your mind. And most importantly what you will do if the situations present themselves.
It is sort of like training over and over.
Eventually it becomes second nature and you knee jerk the proper response.

Good Luck my Friend and remember we will be here for you.
My short time here has taught me these are good folks.
Heck they put up with me (so far...) and that says a lot!!!

Bobby D
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Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:30 am

pretty low right now...

Postby Bobby D » Tue Aug 24, 2010 4:30 pm

First .. thanks.. you guys here on this forum.. are the best, and I'm glad I found it... Dallas your right the folks who are active here really get it.... I'm in a really large home group ..30 plus members who meet every day 365 days a year but you know what i see....anyone .. even a child can be good for an hour a day.. there are really only a small percentage that "get it" like this team

Rich.. dont now if thats what I want to or need to hear..but thats how i feel...weak and inadequet SOB...I was doing so good..7 months... didn't even have a real compulsion...

Sermon.. nail on the head bro..ego coming back...I was beating this monster.. through my own strength.. some steps... but on my terms...HA...I'm that guy.. 4 - 5 months on inventory, but never giving in to the humility.....THEN I gave it up without even a hint of a fight.. BAM in just three weeks and drinking a fifth of bourbon..

Skipped my meeting this morning.. Idon't want to lie to these people..They the only ones who understand.. But I'm so embarrassed... I feel I let them down.. they are my support and I drank anyway.. I dont know if I'm more depressed/dissapointed or just pissed that I !#$!@%# it up...I almost feel like whats the point....... cant see getting another 7 months or more....

Anyway..thanks all..

Pary for me please

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Postby Dallas » Tue Aug 24, 2010 8:44 pm

Bobby, you didn't let them down. Just yourself.

Here's how you can help and to make amends to the group if you feel that you need to. This is what I did.

1. I went back and let them know what happened. This is straight out of the Big Book, Chapter 3.

2. By going back and letting them know what happened -- it woke another alkie up that had been sitting on the fence -- with the same problem that you had. They were able to see ahead of time -- what was in store for them -- if they didn't change it. It would be the same thing that happened to you.

3. Our book states that our failures of the past can become our greatest assets -- because -- our experience is able to help someone else. And, that's the entire deal right there. You can expect to stay sober if you are actively helping others to achieve and maintain sobriety -- as long as you don't forget that the reason that you are doing this is: to save your own butt because you're an alcoholic just like the one's that you're trying to help.

4. Each of us is a Scout for the next guy. The next guy doesn't learn from what we might try to teach them. We don't teach in AA. We simply share "this is what I did and this is what happened to me." The others, then look at where they are and ask themselves if this is where they are. Or... perhaps they are "thinking about something" and they relate our experience to their experience. And, it helps them to decide what they are going to do next.

5. Without going back to the group and facing them and admitting to them -- I couldn't get sober and stay sober again. Period. And, in the 24 yrs I've been around the rooms -- I haven't seen anyone else be able to do it either. Sooner, more often than later -- but, sometimes later, too, they break. They drink, or end up with a rope around their neck, or a shotgun in the mouth. I'm not trying to scare anyone. Believe me. I'm just sharing what I've seen. When we try to hold in things to ourselves by with-holding to those that are trying to help us -- some really bad crap is in store for us down the road. It's not worth the risk.

6. I'd rather feel embarrassed for a few days -- and get over it, rather than feel miserable for the rest of my life.

7. Part of "staying sober" is learning to live with our past. We've got to get to a comfortable place within ourselves, and with others -- regarding our past. We have to do it -- or it kills us. Period.

None of us like this stuff. Who cares to admit defeat? I didn't like walking into the rooms saying, "Guess what! My name is Dallas. I'm a loser! And, that's why I'm here!" :lol: :lol:

Fact is: We all have to become losers -- to qualify. :lol: :lol:

So, we face up to our past -- do what we got to do because that's what we got to do -- going to any lengths -- and, what happens is, we come out the other side as a winner. We achieve sobriety, peace of mind, serenity, peace and comfort in our own skin, and we get happy, joyous, and free -- as we reach our hands out to help the next guy or girl -- who's just like us.

We love you bro! We care about you. We want you to succeed. We never know if -- we'll end up in the same place you did -- and if we do -- we're going to be hoping like heck that "Bobby D. is still there and can help us out!"

Keep coming back! You'll be glad you did!


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Postby RichC » Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:25 pm

You cant let them down.
It just isn't possible.
They may be a little discouraged that they couldn't see it coming and they couldn't head off the train in time.
But disappointed in you they shouldnt be.
The thing to do is go in and tell all.
Ask them to help explain what happened to you.
Then analyze the cause with them and what led up to the indecent.
If you are really in touch with these people then they will step up and learn from your experience.
Perhaps you will help the next guy or gal head off that train.
I have learned a little from everyone I saw relapse.
And it has helped me not make the same mistakes.
And it has helped me see someone else headed down that road.
And help them before the crash.

Keep up the faith buddy.
Talk to your Higher Power every chance you get.
You will be surprised what comes out of you.
Sometimes that ol Higher Power talks through you; dont cha know..

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Postby Bensober » Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:31 am

Hi Bobby...Welcome! :lol:
Been there dunn that...ouch it hurts! The discussion the other day in our "Rule 62" (“don't take yourself too seriousâ€

Bobby D
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:30 am

thanks !!

Postby Bobby D » Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:01 pm

thanks..feeling pretty low...i sometimes think whats the point... I'm a reasonably productive, well respected, successful member of i drink... big deal...

then I think back to the bad times..really bad times and i know i'd rather be sober... the saying that always comes back into my head is..."there isn't a problem that i cant make worse with alcohol".. so true... i just feel I was there this time .... thought I really made it...

One of the aa's in my home group puts in into such great perpective... If my life ended today.. i'm happy with what i've become and where i am.... i want that peace and self assuredness...

i know I didn't follow the steps .. took the shortcut..because I was tough enough to just do it... DUH....

Ben, In awe of your selflessness after what you've been through recently.. your advice throughout this forum is always top notch....Dallas,Rich, Keith,,, all you regulars ....seem to have all the answers.....just cant imagine getting there...

Haven't been to a meeting yet this week..maybe tomorrow...i know i'm just rambling.. but it helps...

thanks again

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Postby Dallas » Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:49 am

Bobby, I don't want to second guess you, but from reading the above message... it appears to me, that you have some reservations in regards to "am I a real alcoholic? Maybe... I've just had some problems."

Perhaps, I'm wrong -- but, that's what I see in it. So, I went back to the first part of this thread to re-read everything up until now.

My gut tells me -- that you haven't completed a thorough First Step. On page 30, of the BB, it tells us what the requirements are -- for the first step in recovery. Maybe, you might want to take a look at it.

Here are a few observations that I made from your previous posts here:

P.S. This is meant to be helpful -- not to be judgemental.

Bobby D. wrote:Want to clarify something in my previous post....When I said

"I'm not stopping because I hit a bottom... quite the contrary...I'm on top of my game.. I think about it as getting out before the problems hit"

That refered to work and only work... many personel problems exist.. not the least of which is getting drunk every night to the point of blackout...Not knowing if an event was a dream or really happened is the brink of insanity for me... I truly dont know how I survided that aspect of my alcoholism, or how I functioned day to day for that matter...

Lastly I went to a meeting this Am and finally realized why ( up to this point ) I had not gotten a sponser.... BEcause that's admitting that my alcoholism really and truly exists, and puts plans in place to actually do something substinative about it...... and I can never be a social drinker...Feels good to say, my sponser showed me that !!


Bobby D. wrote:Crossing that line has been the best things I've done.,,,hard step.. but once across I feel confident I am no going back there.... at the end there I was drinking nearly a 5th of bourbon a day ... I knew I was an alcoholic.. but kept kidding myself.. never missed a day of work.... survived the layoffs in the financial sector...was even in the mentor program for Jr. managers at could i possibly be an alcoholic ??? But I was/am


Bobby D. wrote:Weekends are the toughest part ... all week I bury myself in a 12 plus hour day.. too much time on my hands on Sat and Sun...Not that I'm looking for a drink.. just afraid of relapse..


Could it be -- that sometimes, when the bottle beats you over the head pretty good -- you think "well heck yeah! I'm alcoholic alright" -- and then, after things cool off and you feel a bit better, its "Well. Maybe I'm exagerating here a bit.... maybe I'm not as bad off as I thought I was, perhaps, it's just due to the stress and some other problems in my life."?

What do you think?


Bobby D
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:30 am


Postby Bobby D » Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:31 am

wow, pretty good..,I see the pattern.... But I am smart enough to know I am powerless over alcohol...somehow.... seems once I started feeling good about myself I was trying to convince myself of this fact I really knew.. then actually convinced myself I was wrong and could drink safely...

How do I stop that cycle... I know your going to say the steps......Is the key in a sponsor ? I went 7 months sober without really having one one..( had one for a short period ) there really wasn't anyone I related to well.. one or two guys with long term sobriety.. but they're abrassive.. maybe because they have no patrience for bull#!%^% I dont know.....maybe thats what I need......I mean I dont want the morality police following me around telling me how to act and stuff....... EGO again I suppose.....

damn this is hard !!! I usually beat everything thrown my way.. but cant follow this simple program... Gonna try again though....Thanks for looking out for me my friend I do appreciate it...


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Postby Ranman99 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:41 pm

It took me many years for two amazing events to finally come into my life in close proximity to each other.

1) Deflation at depth. Or a bottom as we have come to call it.
2) Surrender. I gave up fighting it and jsut threw in the towel to working all of the first 103 pages as written.

For me I still have to surrender a little bit more each day but I found no easier softer way after many many years of trying.


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